COPS CATCH SPEEDER WHO KEPT TRACK OF NUMBER OF TIMES HE OUTRAN THEM
Heap o’ trouble, boy.
MAN IN COW COSTUME ARRESTED FOR ATTEMPTED STABBING
How now, brown cow?
AMAZON WORKER DIES, OTHERS INSTRUCTED TO KEEP WORKING
Worked to death.
PIGEON HOARDER
This story is for the birds.
37 SECONDS OF GAS PASSING, AS REVIEWED BY A.I.
“The core melody is solid.”
CHICAGO WHITE SOX HOLDING POPE HAT NIGHT
It’s packin’ the pews.
OREO TRIES OUT DILL PICKLE-FLAVORED OREOS
Doesn’t mean you have to.
FLORIDA WOMAN WRECKS SUBWAY OVER UNWANTED PEPPERS
There’s no such thing as a free lunch.
KID ROBS STORE WITH A BRICK
Mortarfied.