ATM ROBBERS SET MONEY ON FIRE
They used a blowtorch.
URINE SAMPLE EXPLODES IN 7-ELEVEN MICROWAVE
Store evacuated.
SCHOOL GETTING TIRED OF STUDENT'S FREQUENT GENDER CHANGE
And what are we today?
30,000 CONDOMS STOLEN
From the sex toy warehouse.
THE DONALD TRUMP "BIG LEAGUE BOX"
A ripoff, bigly.
MAN ATTACKED WITH HIS OWN HULA HOOP
On the subway, yet.
JUDGE WON'T ALLOW DEFENDANT TO JUGGLE
To prove he didn’t really rob a store.
TEACHER RESIGNS TO BECOME FULL-TIME LICE HUNTER
She’ll make a fortune.
AUDIO: MAN FOUND STORING LARGE QUANTITIES OF BLOOD
In an apartment.