ZOO ASKS PUBLIC TO STOP SHOWING GORILLAS THEIR CELL PHONES
It leads to monkey business.
JAPAN AIRLINES WILL RENT YOU CLOTHES TO REDUCE BAGGAGE
Even socks and underwear?
CANADIAN MAN ARRESTED FOR DRUNK PADDLING
What’s this all aboat, officer?
THE MAN WITH THE OCTOPUS STUCK IN HIS THROAT
Eight arms to hold you.
PIG SEMEN MILKER SUFFERS PERMANENT WRIST INJURIES
Must have pulled a muscle.
WORLD’S LONGEST RADIO BROADCAST: 55 HOURS
Don’t tell him about voice tracking.
FRENCH FIREMAN SETS RECORD FOR RUNNING WHILE ON FIRE
Is Paris burning?
NO BEER IN STADIUMS AT THE PARIS OLYMPICS
Please, keep giving me more reasons why I should go.