CALIFORNIANS WANT TO SECEDE

Supporters of a plan for California to secede from the union took their first formal step this week, submitting a proposed ballot measure to the state attorney general’s office in the hopes of a statewide vote as soon as 2018. Marcus Ruiz Evans is the vice president and co-founder of Yes California. He says the movement is based around California taxpayers paying more money to the federal government than the state receives in spending (* Check.), that Californians are culturally different from the rest of the country (* Check.), and that Californians are routinely criticized for being out of step with the rest of the U.S. (* Double check.) The attorney general’s office will give the ballot measure a title and summary, and Evans says he hopes to begin collecting signatures to get it on the ballot in the spring.
* Like we still won’t make fun of them if they secede. As if.
* It’ll just be another place we have to invade.
* Oh, and I hope you like our drone program.
* Have you seen the continuing warnings about the San Andreas Fault? California might separate from the rest of the country all by itself.
* This could be great: A natural barrier between us and the Kardashians.
* California is out of step with the rest of the U.S.? What about Florida? It’s in a completely different dimension.
* Before you wave goodbye to them, remember one thing: If California were a country it’d be the 8th biggest economy in the world. So there’s that.
* In other words, we can’t afford to lose them.
* This Evans guy wants it on the ballot by Spring? Oh, good! Another campaign! Just what we need right now.