BRAZILIAN SINGER HOSPITALIZED OVER UNSPENT FARTS

Brazilian singer Viviane de Queiroz Pereira claimed that she had to be hospitalized after her reluctance to break wind in front of her boyfriend, which resulted in a dangerous gas buildup. She detailed her gastro fiasco in an Instagram story for her 15.7 million followers (* although the posting has since disappeared from her feed, so believe this story or don’t). But Pereira, known by her stage name Pocah, wrote: “I woke up at 5:30 a.m. with severe stomach pains and ended up in the hospital.” She claimed that she wasn’t on “farting terms” with her boyfriend and started having stomach pains which eventually resulted in her having to report to the doctor with an “accumulation of trapped farts.” Doctors were able to relieve Pereira. “Girls, don’t be ashamed to fart in front of your guy, because what’s really embarrassing is not letting your guy sleep because you’re in discomfort, going to hospital with your guy, and the diagnosis being ‘trapped farts.’ From now on, I’m letting them rip, guys.”
* Reportedly, she’s now having trouble finding a limo driver, for some reason.
* These kids need a balcony.
* This story is a lot like the Ukraine invasion. It’s all about pootin’.
* This story sounds like a lot of hot air.
* Be sure to look for Pocah’s new single, a Spanish language version of “Let It Go” from Frozen.
* If this is the kind of stuff I’m missing on Instagram, sign me up!
* DJ: “Does anyone else have a comment on this story they’d like to share?” Your partner: “I’ll pass.”