BEST WAY TO AVOID SHARK ATTACKS

Cape Cod commissioned a new study to try to find the best way to avoid shark attacks. They looked at many different methods, from kelp-forest barriers to seal contraception to lessen the food supply, increased life-guarding, and holding stop-the-bleed training sessions. The report from Woods Hole Group Inc. also looked at high-tech methods like smart buoys to detect tagged sharks. In the end, the 192-page report came up with this conclusion: The only way to completely avoid sharks is to stay on dry land. “There is no solution available that can ensure 100% safety for individuals who choose to enter the water,” said the study, which cost about $50,000.
* Money well spent, fellas!
* The Woods Hole Group ought to be known as the Money Hole Group.
* Wait – if this is the best they could come up with, maybe they need to spend a lot more money.
* Wouldn’t lessening the sharks’ food supply make them want to eat more of us?
* Did they even think to ask the sharks nicely not to attack?
* It’s still not going to bring back the little Kintner boy. Or reimburse Mrs. Kintner for the little yellow floatie raft.