AUDIO: UK SWIMMERS TOLD TO AVOID HORNY DOLPHIN
UK officials are cautioning swimmers in Hayle Harbour, Cornwall, to steer clear of a horny dolphin named Nick. The bottlenose dolphin has been acting “sexually aggressive” toward beach-goers in the past week. Footage shows Nick the dolphin splashing water at excited swimmers and paddleboarders and performing tricks like a dolphin show. A one point, it swam into a large group of people, mostly children, who were already in the water, and began interacting with them in a boisterous manner. But one swimmer reported that he felt “something nudging him from below.” A Marine Rescue group felt the dolphin’s behavior was escalating and becoming more erratic (* and erotic!) so they transported Nick out to sea.
* It’s the closest thing to cancel-culturing for a dolphin.
* So he was doing it to people, on porpoise.
* His name may have been Nick, but he should have been called Randy.
* Maybe it’s been eating too many oysters?
* It must be rough being an intelligent mammal but you only have those short fins. Like a frustrated T-rex.
* (Sing along to the theme song below) ♪♫ “They call him Fapper, Fapper / Fapper the dolphin / None in the sea’s / As horny as he…”
AUDIO: Theme to “Flipper”.
