AUDIO: CHECHNYA BANS MUSIC THAT’S TOO FAST, TOO SLOW
Authorities in the Russian Republic of Chechnya, under bat-guano crazy leader Ramzan Kadyrov, have announced a ban on music that they consider too fast or slow. The Ministery of Culture announced the decision to limit all musical, vocal and choreographic compositions to a tempo ranging from 80 to 116 beats per minute. The edict ensures that Chechen musical and dance creations align with the “Chechen mentality and musical rhythm,” to bring “to the people and to the future of our children the cultural heritage of the Chechen people.” The ban will mean that many songs in musical styles such as pop and techno will be banned.
* And, luckily, polka music.
* And next week, they’s banning F-sharp.
* There goes “Bohemian Rhapsody” in one fell swoop. 75 bpm in the slow part, 150 in the fast part.
* I did the math, and you can still play The Minute Waltz, but you’ve got to slow it down to 2 minutes and 15 seconds.
* Watch out for the Tempo Police. They’re the ones carrying the metronomes.
* This country is setting itself up for a national Footloose revolution.
* They forgot to deal with songs that are too loud or too soft, but maybe I should just shut up.
CLIP: Here are two song clips, Foreigner “I Wanna Know What Love Is” at 80 bpm and The Who’s “Baba O’Reilly” at 116 bpm. (You can google “songs that are ___ bpm” to find something in your format.)
