AUDIO: CAST A SPELL ON PRESIDENT TRUMP
Witches around the world are planning to cast a spell on Donald Trump tonight (Friday). A document detailing the witches’ plan has appeared online, encouraging even non-witches to participate. The witching is set to take place at the stroke of midnight Friday, February 24. (* Which time zone?) It will be repeated each waning crescent ritual day – March 26, April 24, May 23, June 21, and so on – until Trump leaves office. The rite will supposedly be most effective on June 21, as that’s also the summer solstice. Want to get in on the action? Here’s what you need:
– And unflattering photo of Trump
– The tower tarot card (from any deck)
– Tiny stub of an orange candle. If you don’t have an orange candle, you can use a baby carrot (* not making this up).
– Pin or small nail (to inscribe candle)
– White candle (any size), representing the element of Fire
– Small bowl of water, representing elemental Water
– Small bowl of salt, representing elemental Earth
– Feather (any), representing the element of Air
– Matches or lighter
– Ashtray or dish of sand
Optional:
– Piece of pyrite (fool’s gold)
– Sulfur
– Black thread (for traditional binding variant)
Once you have all those ingredients, you inscribe “Donald J. Trump” on the candle or carrot using the pin or nail, arrange the rest of the items in a circle, and start reciting a banishing ritual that goes on for a bit, but includes lines like: “I call upon you / To bind / Donald J. Trump / So that he may fail utterly / That he may do no harm / To any human soul / Nor any tree / Animal / Rock / Stream / or Sea.” It ends with, “So mote it be! / So mote it be! / So mote it be!”
(The full ritual is posted here: https://extranewsfeed.com/a-spell-to-bind-donald-trump-and-all-those-who-abet-him-february-24th-mass-ritual-51f3d94f62f4#.f624ocwgw)
* If everybody performs the spell, it should take effect, oh, about four years from now.
* Oh, man, that’s going to take much too long, and I’ve got plans. Is there a condensed version?
* Can I just donate to someone else’s spell?
* Can I just forward a text or something?
* What happened to using a magic wand?
* “He may do no harm to any rock”? So now even rocks are hysterical over Trump?
* “So mote it be!” is also what witches scream out during sex.
* For the anti-Trump people, it feels like Trump is already under a witch’s spell.
* To be fair, the witches are anti-Trump, but the warlocks are pro-Trump.
* Yep, they’re as divided as we are.
* Luckily, there’s still time for the Secret Service to block the spell by encircling the White House with garlic, and sacrificing a goat.
* “…each waning crescent ritual day…” Wait, slow up a little. I’m trying to write this down.
* Speaking of being under someone’s spell, is anyone else super-impressed with Ivanka?
CLIP: Theme from “Bewitched”.
