ATTACK OF THE SCREAMING TOMATOES

New research from Tel Aviv University in Israel claims that tomato plants “scream” when a stem is cut off. They are said to actually emit airborne sounds similar to “bubble-wrap being popped” that is detectable from more than three feet away when they are thirsty. The frequency of the noises is too high for human ears to detect, but it’s possible for insects, other mammals, and possibly even other plants to hear them. Senior study author Lilach Hadany says, “Even in a quiet field, there are actually sounds that we don’t hear, and those sounds carry information. We found that many plants —corn, wheat, grape, and cactus plants, for example — emit sounds when they are stressed,” Hadany said.
* These screaming tomatoes, Dr. Hadany, when exactly did you start hearing them? And what kind of mushrooms were you eating at the time?
* The tomatoes are screaming “Ouch! Run! Run away!!” which is just stupid.
* How can other plants hear them? They don’t have ears. Well, except for corn.
* Why did the tomato scream? It stepped on some sharp cheddar.
* This must be where Campbell’s S’cream of Tomato Soup comes from.