ART MUSEUM GUARD CLOBBERED OVER CROOKED PAINTING

A security guard at New York’s Metropolitan Museum of Art was struck over the head with a bottle by a man who got upset over a painting he said was crooked. The suspect went up to the guard inside the Met at 6:15 p.m. last Friday (March 3) and told him that a painting was hanging crooked on the wall. The response from the security guard wasn’t to his liking, so the suspect clobbered him with the bottle. The guard was taken to a hospital in stable condition with a cut to his head. The suspect fled the scene and has not yet been arrested.
* A perfectly reasonable response, New York-wise.
* Although I bet the guard has a different slant on things.
* So the guy was too lazy to tilt his head a little?
* Police are canvassing the area. Get it? Canvassing?
* I imagine the suspect will say he was framed.
* “Pardon me, guard, but is that painting askew?” “No, sir, it’s a Kandinsky.” Pow! I would have done the same thing.
* This could be the first security guard to start wearing a bicycle helmet.
* What about that one museum in New York called the Guggenheim? You walk down this big circular ramp so all the pictures look crooked.
* It’s modern art, man. There is no crooked.
* But just for this discussion, let’s say the damn thing was crooked. That’s still no reason to hit the guard upside the head with a bottle.
* Hmm, a bottle. I think I know how the bottle got emptied.