ARE YOU A MAN? GOT A SHORT RING FINGER? YOU’RE GONNA DIE.

Not to alarm anyone, but if you’re a man with a short ring finger, coronavirus is definitely going to kill you. The reason? The length of ring fingers is believed to be linked to how much testosterone men are exposed to in utero – the longer the finger, the greater the testosterone exposure. And now, testosterone is believed to protect against severe coronavirus-related illness. Therefore, men with longer ring fingers may be more likely to face milder symptoms. Conversely, men with shorter ring fingers may have symptoms that are more severe. A new study of this effect by researchers at Swansea University, published in the journal Early Human Development, found that, on average, men in countries with longer ring fingers – including Malaysia, Russia and Mexico – have a death rate of 2.7 per 100,000. For the countries where there’s shorter finger length – such as United Kingdom, Spain and Bulgaria – the average is 4.9 deaths per 100,000.
* What if I measure my ring finger in millimeters? That’s makes it seem longer, right?
* Can you boost your testosterone if you’re a man? Will buying a chainsaw, or watching all the Fast & Furious movies, increase my testosterone?
* What if you chop all your OTHER fingers off at the first knuckle? That would REALLY make your ring fingers stick out.
* So THIS is why women are always checking out guys’ ring fingers. It’s to see how much testosterone they have.
* When this is all over and it’s time to give out the Nobel Prize for Covid-19 treatment, Swansea University is going to be in for a bit of a disappointment.