AMAZON APPLIES FOR PATENT ON WORKER WRISTBANDS

Amazon has secured a pair of patents for wristbands that can track workers’ hand movements while on the job. The wristbands would emit ultrasonic sound pulses or radio transmissions to detect where a workers’ hands are in relation to inventory bins. If a worker reaches for the wrong product, the wristband would vibrate – (* yeah, that’s right – “vibrate”), signaling the employee that they are about to make a mistake. Amazon insists the wristbands would help workers be more efficient, and make it easier to locate products in the company’s warehouses.
* And it’s nothing like a dog shock collar. A shock collar goes on your neck, not your wrist.
* Track workers’ hand movements? “Kowalski, I need to talk to you. I got a printout of the hand movements you were making yesterday in the men’s room. You should be doing that stuff at home.”
* What I’m hearing here is that Amazon workers make so many mistakes sending out packages, they’ve got to monitor every single employee.
* That’s what you need – radio waves right next to your skin, 8 hours a day.
* Wait – what am I saying? Radio is the best thing ever! Let’s move on.