COUPLE REPORTS POSSUMS COMING OUT OF THE MICROWAVE

In Spartansburg, South Carolina, a man and woman were arrested Sunday morning after repeatedly calling 911 to report seeing people and possums jumping out of their refrigerator and microwave. Police arrived to ask Brandon Terry and Casey Fowler if they had taken any drugs. They said they had not. But they did however have photos which they told deputies showed “worms coming out of the floor of their vehicle” and “midgets and other people camouflaged.” Deputies noted that the photos only showed a basketball hoop and a tree but the couple argued that the people in the photos were camouflaged. Deputies conducted field sobriety tests and said both suspects showed signs of being intoxicated. Deputies suspect the two were under the influence of “gravel” or “flakka,” which are similar to the bath salts which were notoriously popular a few years ago. Deputies quickly discovered that Terry had six felony warrants for drug offenses. He was taken into custody on a fugitive from justice charge. Terry and Fowler were both charged with unlawful use of 911.
* And inappropriate use of the word “midget.”
* I suspect that they lied about not taking drugs.
* I mean, how can you NOT want to put something in your body called “gravel”?
* Gravel in their veins, rocks in their heads.
* The takeaway here is, before you take flakka, give all your phones to a neighbor to hold for about eight hours.
* Did anyone check the microwave for the couple’s cat?
* This would be fun: Right before they get out on bail, hide a possum in their fridge.
* Similar to bath salts? I don’t like the sound of that.
* Of course, if they had been real bath salts they would have tried to bite the possums.
* You have to admit, if the people in the photographs were camouflaged it would make them harder to see.
* Okay, it didn’t work out, but it sounds like one hell of a party.