PET SHOP OWNER NEARLY CRUSHED BY 20-FOOT PYTHON

The owner of a reptile store in Newport, Ohio, is recovering after police officers on Monday pried off a 20-foot python that was wrapped around his head, neck and torso. Two officers pulled the the 125-pound snake off Terry Wilkens, owner of Captive Born Reptiles. Wilkens was feeding the snake when it latched onto his arm. Another person in the store called 911 for help and officers were at the store within minutes. Fortunately, one of the officers knew how to deal with snakes, grabbing it by the head and working to uncurl it off the man’s body. There was blood everywhere and Wilkens was not breathing when officers were trying to free him, but he did resume breathing before he was taken to University of Cincinnati Medical Center.
* He was treated for a severe case of the willies.
* First rule of snakes: Never underfeed them.
* Make that “the former owner of a reptile shop.”
* Now comes the tough part: going into work the next day.
* I bet he never wears a tie ever again.
* He’s so traumatized he can’t even listen to rap.
* So if you thought “Captive Born Reptiles” meant they were more tame … it doesn’t.
* How about “Captive Born Reptiles with a Grudge.”
* Pythons are like psycho girlfriends: They’re really clingy and they crush you.
* I know one snake that’s now on sale for 50% off.
* The worst part is all the other reptiles were watching and now they want a shot at him.