HOW TO STOP A BEAR FROM EATING YOU

A Montana bow hunter survived a grizzly bear mauling by remembering a tip from his grandmother and shoving his arm down the bear’s throat. Chase Dellwo, 26, was hunting with his brother northwest of the town of Choteau on Saturday when he came face-to-face with a 350- to 400-pound male grizzly. He was only 3 feet from the bear when he noticed it. He said the grizzly had been sleeping and didn’t see him coming, possibly because of the snow, rain and 30 to 40 mph winds. Dellwo only had time to take a few steps back before the bear knocked him off his feet and bit his head. The bear then bit Dellwo’s leg and shook him, tossing him in the air. As the bear came at the man again, Dellwo recalled a story he read in a magazine. “I remembered an article that my grandmother gave me a long time ago that said large animals have bad gag reflexes,” he said. “So I shoved my right arm down his throat.” The advice worked, and the bear left. Dellwo rejoined his brother, who drove him to a hospital. Dellwo received stitches and staples in his head, some on his face, a swollen eye and deep puncture wounds on his leg.
* So the way to stop a bear from eating you is to feed him your arm. Who’s the lucky guy who discovered that trick?
* Some people have tried punching the bear. This guy punched the bear – in the tonsils.
* Even better than shoving your arm down a bear’s throat it shoving it down with a grenade in your hand.
* He’s lucky he thought of THIS magazine article, and not, say, an article on replacing the transmission on a Dodge Ram.
* Hunting in snow, rain, and 40 mph winds? Was he trying to bag a Yeti?
* A round of golf sure, but hunting in the woods?
* I think the grandmother deserves more than a card this year.
* Then again, maybe the article his grandmother showed him gave him a false sense of confidence.
* I mean would you go hunting around 400-pound grizzly bears with a bow and arrow?
* You could give me a bazooka and I wouldn’t try it.
* You know what Valley Girl bears say? “Gag me with an arm.”