LADIES & GENTLEMEN… BOB POPE!

[Hey, we’re not sure what, if anything, you can do with this. Does anybody remember Bob Hope? Does your audience? Can you do even a passing Bob Hope imitation? If so, this is for you!]

The set up: The new Pope’s name is Robert Prevost. His friends call him Bob. He’s now the Pope. So, ladies and gentlemen… Bob Pope!
(Maybe play a YouTube instrumental version of “Thanks for the Memories” under)
– Hi, everybody, this is Bob Pope, coming to you live from the Vatican. You know what Vatican is – that’s a Latin word that means “World’s Largest Piggy Bank”.
– Boy, this place makes Rodeo Drive look like Skid Row.
– But I wanna tell ya… They’ve got me in a room so big, Bing Crosby could walk through the door without having to tuck in his ears.
– You know, not only am I head of the Catholic Church, but they made me captain of the Vatican baseball team. It’s the only team where nobody has ever made it to second base.
– And how about those Swiss Guard uniforms? That’s what they get for taking fashion advice from Lady Gaga,
– I don’t wanna say the last pope was old, but George Burns called him Pops. But I wanna tell ya…
– Now, ladies and gentlemen, Joey Heatherton!