Today Is…
Anything special being celebrated or commemorated today? Find out here!
TODAY’S ALMANAC
Birthdays, Upcoming Holidays, This Day in History and Music
TODAY’S TRIVIA
Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three obscure facts.
ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES
RFK Jr HOSTS COOKING SHOW
America’s goose is cooked.
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
DISNEYLAND SHUTS DOWN RESTROOMS
Bashful(‘s) bladder.
“DEAR ABBY” RETIRING
You are what you are and you ain’t what you ain’t.
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
DISNEY LAYS OFF PIXAR WORKERS
Disney, now known as Monsters, Inc.
ESPN FIRES ANNOUNCER IN MIDDLE OF LIVE BROADCAST
“Bye bye baby!” – Russ Hodges
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
JOKE OF THE DAY
Suggestion: Post the joke on your website. Boost clicks by having listeners call in and tell the Joke of the Day to win a prize.
What happened to the guy who was addicted to sandwiches?
He’s trying to quite cold turkey.
A father is listening to his little girl is say her bedtime prayers.
She says, “God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma… and goodbye, Grandpa.” Dad says, “Why’d you say “Goodbye Grandpa?” Girls says, “I don’t know.” The next day, Grandpa drops dead. That night, the father hears her say, “God bless Mommy, and God bless Daddy, and goodbye Grandma.” The next day, Grandma drops dead. That night, the daughter says, “God bless Mommy, and Goodbye Daddy.” The guy freaks. He stays up all night. Nothing happens. He’s beyond relieved. He goes to work, comes home that night. His wife says, “I had a horrible day.” He asks, “What happened?” Mom says, “Well, the milkman dropped dead on the front steps.”
Why did the church use noodles instead of communion wafers?
They were Ramen Catholic.
Did you know Led Zepplin and Pink Floyd started a landscaping business?
Robert Plants and Roger Waters.
What happens when two snails get into a fight?
They slug it out.
U.S. NEWS
COLORADO TOWN SHUTS DOWN
Goodbye, Hartman.
WITCH AND SORCERER IN COURT FIGHT
Burden of “poof.”
CROOK WATCHING SECURITY TAPE: “THAT’S ME”
A very clever criminal.
AUDIO: COMCAST MANAGER PUNISHED LOW SALES BY PIEING EMPLOYEES
Why, you, I oughtta—
WOMAN GIVES BIRTH IN JACK IN THE BOX PARKING LOT
What does the word ‘hospital’ even mean anymore?
MARATHON SPECTATOR BITTEN BY RABID OTTER
Why do otters hate marathon spectators so much?
HIKER IMPALES SELF ON POLE, HIKES SIX HOUR BACK DOWN
It’s better than a sharp stick in the eye.
INTERNATIONAL NEWS
KING CHARLES SEEKS NEW ASSISTANT
Live like a king.
CANADIAN TOWN TO SMELL NOTICEABLY BETTER SOON
Wake up and smell the coffee, finally.
POLICE SEEK DARTS FAN DRESSED AS A LOBSTER
Never argue with a lobster.
SWISS DOG OWNERS MUST NOW CLEAN UP URINE
Once again, cats get off scot-free.
TURKISH GOVERNOR FIRED FOR WEARING TIGHT CYCLING SHORTS
Next time take up bowling.
CHEF FACES JAIL TIME FOR INTENTIONAL ANTS ON THE FOOD
There’s a fly in my soup.
JAPAN CREATES NEW WORD FOR HOW HOT IT IS
Cruel Heat Day.
FUNNY PICTURES
Right-click on images to
Copy or Save.
GGGiraffe
Tinkerhulk
First Jump?
No Pictures Of Prairie Dogs While You’re Scooping Their Poop
WNBA Fashions
Sassy Bookshelf
THE BUZZ
THE BEST STATE, THIS YEAR ANYWAY
Utah thinks it’s so great.
DUMB HEADLINES
The dumb, it’s relentless.
USELESS ADVICE, 20 YEARS ON
Take it from me.
COFFEE: YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG
Don’t drink it first thing. Drink it second thing.
STRANGE BODY REACTIONS
You people are weird.
MEN’S HOME SURPRISES
Guys, what is wrong with you?
MODERN-DAY SCRAPBOOK
Have you seen my childhood?
MY UNKNOWN TALENT
Show off.
TRENDING
NEW MOVIES
Click on name for details and audio clips
SPIDER-MAN: BRAND NEW DAY
Starts Friday, July 31 in theaters.
I WANT YOUR SEX
Starts Friday, July 31 in theaters.
HAUNTED HEIST
Starts Friday, July 24 in theaters.
PINOCCHIO UNSTRUNG
Starts Friday, July 24 in theaters.
Click on the title to go to an mp3 player. To download the mp3, right-click on the player and choose the “Save audio as” option.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, July 31.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
Funny fake sponsorship announcements
A & M AUTOLAND – Novelty Horns
You’ll be amazed how quick the novelty wears off.
DIARIA
With all the talk about you-know-what these day, here’s one from the library.
BUZZFEST
Who doesn’t like a good summer music festival?
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, July 24.
PROMOS-TO-GO
Pre-produced ready-to-use show bumper donuts
ALPHA-MALE BITS
Part of this new vicious breakfast.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, July 17.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
Funny fake sponsorship announcements
A & M AUTOLAND – Christmas In July
‘Tis the season to be stupid.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, July 10,
PROMOS-TO-GO
Pre-produced ready-to-use show bumper donuts
A & M AUTOLAND- The Bed Bunker
If at first you don’t succeed – at selling cars – try selling something else.
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