WEDNESDAY, Mar 5 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR WEDNESDAY, March 5, 2025
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COMEDY MP3s POSTED ON OUR PREP SITE FOR TODAY: A & M AUTOLAND – Biggest Sale of the Year

TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing – including “holidays” created by the National Day Calendar and Wellcat websites to drive traffic to their websites – or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

EQUAL PAY DAY
Wikipedia says this:
“Equal Pay Day is the symbolic day dedicated to raising awareness of the gender pay gap. In the United States, this date symbolizes how far into the year the average median woman must work in order to have earned what the average median man had earned the entire previous year. The exact day differs year by year.”

NATIONAL ABSINTHE DAY

NATIONAL CHEESE DOODLE DAY

March is:

Adopt a Rescued Guinea Pig Month
American Red Cross Month
Employee Spirit Month
Expanding Girls’ Horizons in Science and Engineering Month
Gender Equality Month
Irish-American Heritage Month
National Craft Month
National Women Inventors Month
National Women’s History Month
Read an E-Book Month

ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES

OBAMA COULD HAVE BEEN ON “SEVERANCE”

The Apple TV streaming show “Severance” recently started airing its second season. The plot follows employees at Lumon, a mysterious biotech company. At the beginning of Season 2, workers watch an animated video called “Lumon Is Listening.” In the video, the Lumon building is animated with a face, and talks. That voice is Keanu Reeves, in an uncredited vocal cameo. But it could have been former President Barack Obama’s voice. According to the show’s executive producer Ben Stiller, he sent the offer to the former president through a friend who knows his lawyer. Two days later, he got an email back from Obama. According to Stiller, the reply said, “Hey Ben, big fan of the show, love Season 1, can’t wait for Season 2. Don’t think I have time in my schedule to make this happen.”
* Yeah. Doesn’t have time for a 30-second voice track. But wasn’t it a polite blowoff?
* Maybe he’s looking for something more mainstream, like “White Lotus.”
* Sure, Ben. Obama’s gonna make news for a show on Apple TV when he’s got a production deal with Netflix. Duh!!
* Like Keanu has time? That guy is everywhere now.
* Ted Danson tried to get Joe Biden to cameo on his show “Man on the Inside,” but the setting is a senior active living center and it wouldn’t have been realistic.

THE BUZZ

THE “LIST 5 THINGS YOU DID LAST WEEK” GENERATOR

[note: Obviously, you’re going to want to go to the “opmreply” website and play around. Be warned that it does NOT generate funny responses.]
By now, you’ve heard of Elon Musk’s infamous “List 5 Things You Did Last Week” demand to federal workers. As expected, there’s now an app where you type in your occupation – or any occupation – and it will generate a list for you… presumably so you can continue to perform your job instead of wasting time making dumbass lists for a guy who doesn’t care what you did. The website is called opmreply. For example, if you enter the occupation “Lion Tamer”:
1. Successfully conducted daily training sessions to reinforce trust, discipline, and safety protocols with the lions.
2. Ensured all enclosures were thoroughly inspected and maintained to meet safety and welfare standards.
3. Delivered an engaging and educational performance that highlighted the importance of wildlife conservation.
4. Monitored the health and behavior of each lion, coordinating with veterinarians as needed for proactive care.
5. Updated training logs and performance notes to track progress and identify areas for improvement.
– If you enter the occupation “Morning DJ, here is what it says you did last week:
1. Curated and delivered a dynamic playlist to energize and engage the morning audience, ensuring a seamless mix of music and entertainment.
2. Provided timely weather updates, traffic reports, and local news to keep listeners informed during their morning routines.
3. Interacted with callers and listeners on-air, fostering a sense of community and connection with the audience.
4. Promoted upcoming station events, contests, and sponsor messages to maintain listener interest and station revenue.
5. Monitored and adjusted audio levels and equipment to ensure high-quality broadcast standards throughout the show.
* Well, three out of five ain’t bad. But I’m not telling you which three.
* What if your job is “Door Attacher on Boeing Airplane”? You only do one thing all the time. And not very well, if I may say so.
* What if you get specific and enter “Morning DJ at (YOUR STATION CALL LETTERS). Let’s see what it says I did:
1. Managed to roll into work less than ten minutes late each day.
2. Got coffee.
3. Spilled coffee.
4. Deleted all the Only Fans websites from the control room computer search history.
5. Spent 23 minutes each hour relaying pertinent and entertaining information to the listeners. Spent the remaining 37 minutes each hour on TikTok.
* So, yeah, I’m glad I’m not a federal employee.

IS YOUR JOB MAKING YOU UGLY?

Is your job making you ugly? (* to your cohost: “Well, ___, is it?”) A UK skin care clinic called Harley Street Skin has devised an online calculator that will reveal whether one’s job is causing them to age prematurely. The “Aging Jobs Index” tells how wrinkles and saggy skin can be caused by your work life. To gauge whether one’s job is accelerating the aging process, participants answer a series of questions ranging from how much time they spend sitting down to their stress levels and whether they work around “harsh chemicals.” Based on their responses, the calculator will generate a score out of 100.
– Scores below 40 denote “minor ageing,” or a low risk of work-induced “ugliness” with minor signs like wrinkles around the eyes.
– Scores between 40 and 60 indicate a risk of “moderate aging” denoted by poor posture and lines around the eyes.
– Scoring 80-100 means extreme aging, in which the sufferer has thinning gray hair, frown lines, poor posture, sun spots, saggy skin, jowls and undereye bags and dark circles.
(Do it live on air – it’s fun! And complete B.S.! The ageing/jobs calculator is here: harleystreetskinclinic(dot)com/data/ageing-jobs-calculator/)
* There’s something wrong with this calculator. I just ran it on myself, and it goes to 100, but I scored a 180.
* If we get a bad score, are we supposed to go to the Harley Street Skin clinic, or quit our jobs?
* “Working around harsh chemicals?” Does really, really awful coffee in the break room count?
* This is B.S. Look at actors: Blake Lively, Danny DeVito: same job. Are they both ugly? No. Although we’ve never seen Blake Lively first thing out of bed in the morning.

U.S. NEWS

MAN STABBED FOR NOT EATING GIRLFRIEND’S COOKING

In Coral Springs, Florida, a woman was arrested last week after allegedly stabbing her boyfriend for refusing to eat her cooking. The victim told police that an argument began between him and 43-year-old Nativita Auguste over his reluctance to eat her cooking. Auguste allegedly slapped him while he was sitting in the living room. When he confronted her about the slap, she grabbed an eight-inch kitchen knife and slashed it at him, cutting him on his left forearm as he raised it to defend himself. The cut was stitched up at a hospital. It was not reported what Auguste had cooked.
* Sounds like she cooked her own goose.
* As if this wasn’t bad enough, there are plenty of leftovers.
* As she slashed him with the knife he yelled “Ow! Can we go back to the slapping?”
* And I thought Gordon Ramsay was a cranky chef.
* This is what went on at my house as a child every time Mom served lima beans.

CAR DEALER FAKES OWN KIDNAPPING TO COVER FRAUD

In Bay City, Michigan, a car dealer faked his own kidnapping to cover up a $3.9 million business fraud. The car dealer: George P. Janssen, Jr. In 2023, the state audited his business, Bay Auto Brokers, after getting a complaint of a fraudulent vehicle loan. They found he was using the same fictitious vehicles in multiple loan applications. The state of Michigan revoked his license to sell vehicles for five years. Soon after that, in November of 2023, Janssen disappeared. He remained missing for a little over a month, until he was found flagging down a Michigan motorist on December 16 while his hands were zip-tied and he was bleeding from facial injuries. He claimed he was being held hostage in an Ohio basement, and was being extorted by a Mexican drug cartel – and that was his excuse for all of wrongdoing. An FBI investigation disproved that excuse, and last week Janssen was charged with financial institution fraud, which carries a maximum penalty of 30 years in prison.
* Which just proves there’s no situation that can’t be made worse by faking your own kidnapping, except maybe a bad blind date.
* The weird part? Thanks to his plan, now he IS being held against his will.
* As everyone knows, Bay City, Michigan, is a hotbed of Mexican cartel activity.
* His entire plan depended on the hope that nobody else had ever seen the movie “Fargo.”
* Boy, you hate to see behavior like this sully the fine occupation of “car dealer.”

PARENTS LEFT CHILD IN STROLLER WHILE THEY WENT ON DISNEY RIDE

A TikTok user named @keesha4rank posted a video in which she claims, while at Disneyland, California, she watched parents park a baby stroller behind a building before going off to line up for the Guardians of the Galaxy ride. Her video shows a stroller, covered in a Spiderman blanket, parked behind a wall across from the ride. Then, the blanket begins to move, with something poking up at it from underneath. Once she realized there was a baby in the stroller, she alerted nearby cast members and filmed them checking on the stroller and, indeed, finding a baby. It is not clear what happened next – Disney has not commented on it.
* And @keesha4rank had to, of course, go post the video of herself finding the baby in the stroller, rather than following through and making sure the baby was okay. But, hey, why should her day be ruined?
* Is this really so wrong? I ask you: What else are you supposed to do with your baby at Disneyland? I mean, Guardians of the Galaxy has a 40-inch height requirement.
* And anyway, once you’ve booked a trip to Disneyland, who’s got money left for a sitter?
* So folks, if you’re going to try this, make sure your baby doesn’t have anything to poke the blanket with.
* I would have dumped the kid with, like, Mickey, or Pluto. The guys in those costumes can’t see very well, and they certainly can’t chase after you very fast with those big feet.

AUDIO: BACKYARD CHICKENS THE SOLUTION TO EGG SHORTAGE, SAYS SECRETARY

The current Secretary of Agriculture, Brooke Rollins, has a solution for out-of-control egg prices: Go buy a backyard chicken. She told Fox & Friends Weekend Saturday, “I think the silver lining in all this is how do we, in our backyards — we’ve got chickens too in our backyard — how do we solve for something like this? And people are sort of looking around thinking, ‘Wow, well, Maybe I can get a chicken in my backyard,’ and it’s awesome.” But… ask anyone who’s ever tried raising chickens, and here’s what they’ll tell you: They’re loud, they stink, they take a lot of care and attention, they’re expensive, they are prone to predators, and local regulations probably don’t allow them. But mostly, according to people on the internet who have done it, it’s the poo.
* Wait – are we still talking about chickens, or children?
* What’s wrong with you people? Too lazy to bathe your chickens once a week?
* I hear you can keep chickens in line by waving a KFC bucket around.
* We’re lucky it isn’t a BACON shortage.
* So we can’t get eggs from backyard chickens? Oh, well – back to shoplifting.
CLIP: Our classic “Backyard Chickens” song parody.
CLIP URL: morningsidekick(dot)com/prep/wp-content/uploads/07-20-BackyardChicken(dot)mp3

ALMANACNOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

March 9, Sunday – Daylight Saving Time Begins
March 17, Monday – St. Patrick’s Day
March 20, Thursday – Spring begins, Spring Equinox is 5:01 a.m. EDT
April 1, Tuesday – April Fools Day
April 15, Tuesday – U.S. Tax Day
May 11, Sunday – Mother’s Day
May 26, Monday – Memorial Day

BIRTHDAYS

Micah Fowler (actor, “Speechless”) … 27
Jolene Blalock (actress, “Sex Tape”, “Star Trek: Enterprise”) … 50
Niki Taylor (supermodel, youngest to appear on Vogue cover) … 50
Eva Mendes (actress, “The Place Beyond the Pines”) … 51
John Frusciante (guitarist w Red Hot Chili Peppers) … 55
Penn Jillette (magician with “Penn & Teller”, the one who talks – too much) … 70
Alan Clark (keyboardist w Dire Straits) … 73

Today’s Birthdays grade: No superstars on today’s birthday list, although Micah Fowler, disabled star of “Speechless,” is inspiring. Grade: B-minus.

[Want to try something different with the daily birthdays? Try grading them! Some days have “good” celebs, some have “great” celebs, some have “lousy” celebs. For fun, give the group an arbitrary grade: A-plus through F-minus. Sidekick will give you our take on it; you can to take the concept and run with it.]

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“I would always prefer – and this is something I’ll never be given, it’s just not practical – but I would always prefer to not have alcohol around.”

(A) David Hasselhoff
(B) Mel Gibson
(C) Penn Jillette

ANSWER: (C) Penn Jillette

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

2019 – Thanks to her fashion and cosmetics lines, Forbes declared Kylie Jenner to be the world’s youngest-ever billionaire, at age 21.
* Proving what a great country this is! I think.

2004 – Martha Stewart was convicted of obstructing justice and lying to the government about why she’d unloaded her Imclone Systems Inc. stock just before the price plummeted.
* “Convicted? It’s not a good thing!”

1998 – NASA announced that an orbiting craft found enough frozen water on the moon to support a human colony and rocket fueling station.
* Plus a hotel/casino and mini-mall.

1982 – Comedian John Belushi was found dead of a drug overdose in Hollywood at age 33.
* He could have had a long and wonderful career … but NOOOOOOOOOO!

1868 – England’s C.H. Gould patented the stapler.
* Within an hour, it had disappeared off his desk.

1836 – Samuel Colt manufactured his first pistol, a 34-caliber “Texas” model.
* It blew away the competition.

1770 – The Boston Massacre took place as British soldiers, taunted by a crowd of colonists, opened fire, killing five people.
* Never taunt a man with a musket.

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2012 – Sony admitted that a number of Michael Jackson tracks had been stolen after its website was hacked. The singer, who died in June 2009 at the age of 50, had recorded unreleased duets with artists including the late Freddie Mercury and Black Eyed Peas singer will.i.am.

2007 – Records by the Rolling Stones and Paul Simon were chosen for preservation by the US Library of Congress. The Stones “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction” and Paul Simon’s “Graceland” album entered the National Recordings Registry, which preserves historic works for future generations.

2002 – “The Osbournes,” a reality show following the life of rocker Ozzy Osbourne and his family, premiered on MTV.

1963 – Country music singer Patsy Cline was killed in the crash of a private plane near Camden, Tennessee.

1960 – Elvis Presley’s 2-year hitch in the U.S. Army ended.

1907 – A musical composition was broadcast on radio for the first time when Lee De Forest transmitted the performance of Rossini’s William Tell Overture from Telharmonic Hall in New York to the Brooklyn Navy Yard.

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. According to medical research, most of us do THIS every other day. What is it?
Sneeze

2. At any given time, about 5% of Americans have one of THESE. What is it?
A cold

3. We touch THIS thing every day – and it has about 280 different types of bacteria on it. What is it?
Your steering wheel

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