WEDNESDAY, Mar 27 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR WEDNESDAY, March 27, 2024
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COMEDY MP3s POSTED ON OUR PREP SITE FOR TODAY: A & M AUTOLAND – April Fools

TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing, or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

MULE DAY
The Muleday (dot)(org) website says this:
“Mule Day is an annual celebration of all things related to mules and is held in Columbia, Tennessee, the ‘Mule Capital’ of the world. Begun in 1840 as ‘Breeder’s Day,’ a meeting for mule breeders, it now attracts over 200,000 people and takes place over four days. In addition to mules, traditional Appalachian food, music, dancing, and crafts are featured.”

NATIONAL JOE DAY
The Holiday Insights website says this:
“National Joe Day is a chance to change your name, if only for today. Many people do not like their given name. They wish they could change it. A few actually do. On National Joe Day, it is perfectly okay to have everyone call you ‘Joe.’ Why Joe, and not Bob or Mike or Radcliffe? Simply because everyone likes the name Joe. If you are called Joe today, we know that you’re ‘Joe cool!’ This works well for the men out there. What about the ladies? We suggest you choose Josephine or Jody.”

NATIONAL SPANISH PAELLE DAY

QUIRKY COUNTRY MUSIC SONG TITLES DAY
For example:
Dixie Rose Deluxe’s Honky-Tonk, Feed Store, Gun Shop, Used Car, Beer, Bait, BBQ, Barber Shop, Laundromat
Get Your Biscuits in the Oven and Your Buns in the Bed
It’s Hard to Kiss the Lips at Night That Chew Your A– Out All Day Long
Billy’s Got His Beer Goggles On
If I Said You Had a Beautiful Body Would You Hold it Against Me
Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off
Did I Shave My Legs for This?
Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy

March is:

Adopt a Rescued Guinea Pig Month
American Red Cross Month
Employee Spirit Month
Expanding Girls’ Horizons in Science and Engineering Month
Gender Equality Month
Irish-American Heritage Month
National Craft Month
National Women Inventors Month
National Women’s History Month
Read an E-Book Month

THE BUZZ

WHAT BASIC THING ARE YOU REALLY BAD AT?

Reddit asked, “What is the most basic thing you are terrible at?” Some of the responses:
– “Whistling.”
– “I struggle with the art of tying my shoelaces. It’s like my fingers rebel against the simplicity of the task.”
– “I’m absolutely hopeless at estimating measurements. Whether it’s cooking or DIY projects, I always end up with way too much or way too little.”
– “Can’t snap my fingers.”
– “Putting on a shirt without getting stuck halfway. Every. Single. Time.”
– “Laundry.”
– “Wrapping presents.”
– “I’m still working on my driver’s license.”
– “I can’t roll my Rs. My Spanish teacher would deduct points if I couldn’t roll the double-R or roll any words that began with R.”
– “Making pancakes, although I’m a good cook.”
– “Cannot make a fried egg without breaking the yolk.”
– “Saran wrap.”
– “Parking.”
– “I disappoint my cat every single day trying to throw his toys. I honestly don’t know what’s wrong with me but it always goes in the opposite direction.”
– “Folding fitted sheets.”
* PHONE TOPIC: What basic thing are you bad at?

THE BEST INVENTIONS BRACKET

A website called MorningBrew is running a bracket-type competition to find the Best Invention Of All Time. The site will hold a series of polls on their X and Instagram accounts. The invention with more votes when the polls close will advance to the next round. When all rounds have been completed, only one invention will remain. Here are the first matchups – Who should win in each?
Division 1:
– Wheel v. Roomba
– Deodorant v. Bitcoin
– Color TV v. Lava Lamp
– Beer v. Lawn Mower
– Seat Belts v. Garbage Disposal
– Democracy v. Email
– Credit Cards v. Vibrator
– Air Conditioning v. Karaoke
Division 2:
– Fire v. Segway
– Wikipedia v. Bicycle
– Calculus v. Coke Freestyle Machine (where you can mix different Coke products together into a blended drink)
– Refrigerator v. Garlic Press
– Artificial Intelligence v. American Cheese
– Steam Engine v. Blue Yexts
– Velcro v. Plastic
– Penicillin v. The Snorkel
Division 3:
– Electricity v. Dunking
– Coffee v. Find My Friends app
– Zipper v. Pasteurization
– Semiconductors v. Hair Ties
– Batteries v. Autofill
– Indoor Plumbing v. Zyns (nicotine chewing pouches)
– Contact Lenses v. Jeans
– Agriculture v. Ice Cream
Division 4:
– Internet v. Jacuzzi
– Bluetooth v. MRNA vaccine
– Sewing Machine v. Heelys
– Microwave v. Mortgage-Backed Securities
– Toothbrush v. Air Fryer
– Contraceptives v. Dyson Air Wrap
– Sunscreen v. Wireless Headphones
– Printing Press v. Espresso Martini
* How did the greatest single invention since the Dawn of Man not get included? And by that I mean the snowblower. And also Nutella.
* Here’s an invention that’s worked out pretty good: Social media contests that get lots of clicks and show lots of ads that make their posters lots of money. Now go on X or Instagram and vote!
* PHONE TOPIC: Have listeners call. You rapid-fire down the list, have each caller name the winner between two inventions – one caller, one matchup. After a few breaks, you’ll eventually come down with the Best Invention.

U.S. NEWS

MAN ATTACKED WITH THUMB DRIVE

A Teaneck, New Jersey man was charged Saturday with attacking a man with a USB flash drive. Camwren Cole, 25, allegedly struck the victim with the flash drive during a dispute, causing lacerations to the victim’s neck and arm. The victim was treated at the scene. Mr. Cole was taken to a medical center for a psychological evaluation.
* Was that a flash drive, or a SLASH drive?
* “Help, he’s stabbing me to bytes! I mean, bits!!”
* The victim could have gotten infected with a… well, a virus.
* USB – Utterly Stupid Brouhaha.

STOLEN JAROMIR JAGR BOBBLEHEADS RECOVERED

The Pittsburgh Penguins announced that a special “cargo recovery team” negotiated the return of a truckload of Jaromir Jagr bobbleheads. The little bobbling figurines honoring hockey legend Jaromir Jagr were supposed to be handed out to fans at a game earlier this month, but they were stolen in California before they could be sent to Pittsburgh. The bobbleheads are now en route and should arrive in Pittsburgh within the next week or so. Fans who hold a voucher from the March 14 game against the San Jose Sharks will be able to swap them for a Jagr bobblehead starting on April 6. The Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department says an investigation into the crime is ongoing.
* Detectives are shaking their heads in puzzlement.
* If the crooks get a good lawyer, they could skate.
* If you’re picking up your Jagr bobblehead, you might do well by bringing along a bodyguard.
* Not quite as exciting as when that stolen Van Gogh was recovered, but whatever.
* Jagr celebrated by having a shot of Jäger.

MCDONALD’S TO START SELLING KRISPY KREME DONUTS

McDonald’s announced that they are teaming with Krispy Kreme to offer their doughnuts in all McDonald’s restaurants by the end of 2026. Krispy Kreme currently sells its donuts in 6,800 off-site locations; adding McDonald’s will bring another 13,500 outlets. Plus, Krispy Kreme has plans for another 900 locations by 2027.
* We’re going to have a Krispy Kreme right here in our control room, before summer.
* Why aren’t they all located next to a Starbucks? That would rock.
* McDonald’s has also just announced a national door-widening program.
* Will they leave the name alone? Make it McKrispy Kremes? Krispy McKremes?
* If we’re going to be taken over by something, better Krispy Kreme than aliens or fascism.

INTERNATIONAL NEWS

JAPANESE COMPANY WILL AGE YOUR BOOZE UNDER THE SEA

The Kaiyo Matsuri company of Hokkaido, Japan is offering a new way to age alcoholic beverages at the bottom of the sea. From March 20 to April 19, they’re accepting applications for those wanting to have their liquor stored underwater off the shores of Hokkaido from June 2024 to June 2025. Hokkaido is surrounded by three different seas, each with its own distinct conditions but sharing relatively stable temperatures and a low rate of typhoons (* Not NO typhoons, but a low rate of typhoons. However many that is.), making it an ideal place for storing liquor. Your alcohol will be watched 24 hours a day by a solar-powered camera, so you can watch it age – underwater – from your smartphone. In addition, as the bottles sit on the ocean floor, they’ll develop a calcified layer and barnacles to become unique souvenirs all their own. The cost is 105,600 yen (US$700) per storage cage, which holds 12 bottles of any combination of whiskey, gin, rum, tequila, shochu, sake, wine, sparkling wine, champagne, or liqueurs.
* ♪♫ Under the sea / Under the sea / Under the cruises / Sits all your boozes / Under the sea… ♫♫
* ♪♪ Big cage gets fill-a / With rum and tequila / Even chablis… ♪♫
* ♪♪ Water leaks in / Mixes with gin / Then tastes like pee… ♫
* How much did they drink before they came up with this plan?
* This idea doesn’t hold water.

ALMANAC

NOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

March 31, Sunday – Easter
April 1, Monday – April Fools Day
April 8, Monday – Total Solar Eclipse
April 15, Monday – U.S. Tax Day
May 12, Sunday – Mother’s Day
May 27, Monday – Memorial Day

BIRTHDAYS

Fergie (singer with Black Eyed Peas) … 49
Nathan Fillion (actor, “The Rookie,” “Castle,” “Firefly”) … 53
Mariah Carey (singer) … 55
Pauley Perrette (actress, “NCIS”) … 55
Quentin Tarrantino (film director/writer, actor) … 61
Andy Farris (keyboardist with INXS) … 65
Tony Banks (keyboardist with Genesis) … 74
Michael York (actor, Austin Powers’ boss Nigel Exposition)… 82

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“I’m not one of those people that goes into details of my personal life … Some things are better left unsaid.”

(A) Russell Brand
(B) Taylor Swift
(C) Mariah Carey

ANSWER: (C) Mariah Carey

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

2007 – NFL owners voted to make instant replay a permanent officiating tool.
* NFL owners voted to make instant replay a permanent officiating tool.

1998 – The FDA approved the use of Viagra.
* And you thought nothing would ever beat landing on the moon as an important achievement in history.

1954 – The first shopping mall opened in Southfield, Michigan.
* Enjoy it while you can, shopping centers – the internet is coming.

1914 – The first successful blood transfusion was performed in a Brussels hospital.
* “Successful” is a nice way of saying it was the first time they did it without killing the patient.

1884 – The first long-distance telephone call was made, between Boston and New York City.
* “Hello? Yes, it’s working fine. Now please hang-up, we’re in the middle of dinner.”

1790, 1860, 1866 – Three everyday objects were invented on this day: the shoelace, the corkscrew, and the urinal.
* I can see the connection between the corkscrew and the urinal, but where does the shoelace come in?

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2019 – Coldplay frontman Chris Martin had a restraining order granted against a deranged stalker. The woman, who had visited the outside of his home numerous times, claimed they had a romantic relationship. Martin stated that he feared for the safety of his family.

2015 – Country singer Willie Nelson announced that he and his family were hard at work on a new brand of marijuana called Willie’s Reserve. Stores of that same name were being planned and were to include his signature brand and other strains that would be grown to meet quality standards. It’s now up and running at his Willies Reserve website.

2012 – David Bowie’s landmark album Ziggy Stardust was celebrated with a blue plaque in central London. Former Spandau Ballet star Gary Kemp unveiled a plaque at the spot where the cover of the 1972 release was shot. The location in Heddon Street, just off Regent Street, is now a pedestrian area brimming with bars and restaurants.

2007 – Eminem and his ex-wife Kim reached a court agreement to stop insulting each other in public.

2006 – Former Village People policeman Victor Willis was arrested in San Francisco, California, after he disappeared from a drug and gun trial. Police had charged Willis with being in possession of cocaine and drug paraphernalia in July 2005. He would later be sentenced to three years’ probation after he agreed to enter a treatment program.

1991 – New Kid On The Block Donnie Wahlberg was arrested on arson charges in Kentucky.

1982 – During a U2 concert, Bono phoned a local pizza parlor and ordered 10 thousand pizzas for the crowd. One hour later 100 arrived carried by 3 delivery men.

1973 – Jerry Garcia of the Grateful Dead was stopped for LSD possession and speeding.

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. If you’re average, you’ll do THIS about a half a million times in your lifetime. What is it?
Laugh out loud

2. If you’re average, you’ll do THIS about a quarter of a million times in your lifetime. What is it?
Yawn

3. If you’re average, you’ll experience close to 400 of THESE in your life. What is it?
Paper cuts

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