USING TOOTHPASTE TO TIGHTEN YOUR BOOBIES

There’s a ridiculous new trend on the internet that promises to give you a boob lift. It involves rubbing a combination of houselhold ingredients on your chest to “tighten and firm” your breasts. One vlogger claims her technique – which involves a mixture of toothpaste, flour, grated cucumber and one egg white – will “tighten saggy breasts” in just five days. Her video, which has been viewed 8 million times (* Well… 8 million and one, now.) recommends massaging your breasts with the mixture for three to four minutes, before leaving to dry for a few more minutes. Commenting on the video, people have claimed: “This is what plastic surgeons don’t want us to know!” Naturally, leading plastic surgeon Christopher Inglefield, medical director of the London Bridge Plastic Surgery & Aesthetic Clinic, disagrees, saying “This bizarre advice simply preys on the many women who are unhappy with the size of their breasts and who might resort to bizarre ‘miracle fixes’ to find a solution to their problem. Your breasts may end up smelling minty fresh, but it’s highly unlikely there will be any growth.”
* Crest-esses for the breastesses.
* No wonder it’s not working – you have to bake them in the sun for one hour.
* Have they tried it on a Shar-Pei?
* Have they tried it on Keith Richards’ face?
* Okay, wacky morning shows – you have today’s stunt. Kooky gal sidekicks try it on your breasts, goofy guy sidekicks try it on your scrotum.