THURSDAY, Mar 7 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR THURSDAY, March 7, 2024
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COMEDY MP3s POSTED ON OUR PREP SITE FOR TODAY: BROUGHT TO YOU BY

TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing, or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

ALEXANDER GRAHAM BELL DAY
He received a patent for the telephone on this day in 1876.

NATIONAL BE HEARD DAY
The National Day Calendar website says this:
“Each year on the 7th day of March, National Be Heard Day is observed across the country by small businesses. This day was created as a day to be dedicated to the over 145 million small businesses in the United States that are struggling to break through the big-business dominated times. Now is the time for these small businesses to ‘be heard.’ There are many ways for this to be done, be it through creative marketing, smart publicity tactics, strong visual appearance or any of the other inventive ways of making their presence known.”

NATIONAL CEREAL DAY

NATIONAL CROWN ROAST OF PORK DAY

March is:

Adopt a Rescued Guinea Pig Month
American Red Cross Month
Employee Spirit Month
Expanding Girls’ Horizons in Science and Engineering Month
Gender Equality Month
Irish-American Heritage Month
National Craft Month
National Women Inventors Month
National Women’s History Month
Read an E-Book Month

ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES

WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
Listings sourced from the TV Guide and EW websites

THURSDAY, Mar 7

“Ricky Stanicky”
Prime Video – New Movie
Synopsis: Children invent an imaginary friend named Ricky Stanicky to use as a scapegoat for their bad behavior. Now adults, they’re forced to hire a raunchy celebrity impersonator to play Ricky so they don’t look like liars.

“The Gentlemen”
Netflix – New Series
Synopsis: An extension of Guy Ritchie’s star-studded 2019 crime caper. When Eddie Halstead inherits an estate that he learns is part of Mickey Halstead’s marijuana empire, it leads to plenty of run-ins with scalawags looking for a slice of the pie.

FRIDAY, Mar 8

“Damsel”
Netflix – New Movie
Synopsis: Millie Bobby Brown stars in this fantasy film about a young woman whose dream wedding into a royal family becomes a nightmare when it turns out she’s actually a sacrifice for a dragon as part of the kingdom’s cruel tradition of murdering nice young ladies.

Season Premieres:
Apple TV+ – “The Reluctant Traveler With Eugene Levy”
Netflix – “Blown Away”
Peacock – “The Traitors”

SUNDAY, Mar 10

“Oscars”
ABC – Awards Show

THE 2024 OSCAR GIFT BAG

Every year, the major category Oscar winners are given “gift bags” – tons of free luxury stuff that companies give away to help promote their product. This year’s gift bag – which is NOT given by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences but by a private company called Distinctive Assets – is worth over $100,000 and contains the following:
– An all-inclusive Chalet Zermatt Peak “luxurious Swiss getaway.”
– A seven-day “holistic wellness retreat.”
– A three-night stay in a private villa from Saint-Barth Paradise in the Caribbean.
– Luxury kitchen appliances from THOR kitchen.
– 10,000 donated meals “from v-dog in support of PETA’s Global Compassion Fund.”
– A portable purse seat. (* I’m sorry, this seat is reserved for my purse.)
– Upcycled designer pillows.
– An in-home clinical sleep consultation.
– A portable blender.
– Gourmet popcorn. (* I’ll bet this one really made a dent in that $100,000.)
– A “red light sleep therapy device.”
– A “performance inactivewear” gift set.
– A luxury shoe bag. (* A luxury shoe bag. Now we’re talkin’.)
– Sustainable, artisan backpacks and handbags.
– A portable infrared grill.
– A line of Miage “ultra-luxury transformative skincare products.”
– A private show with a mentalist. (* Will Smith? Oh – I thought you said ‘mental mess,” not ‘mentalist.’)

THE BUZZ

DUMB HEADLINES

Time for another episode of Three Dumb Headlines. These are actual, word-for-word headlines of stories found on the internet. There’s no story, no context, just the actual headline. Discuss them amongst yourselves. Then, encourage listeners to vote for the Dumbest Headline on your station’s social media page. Maybe ask them to leave a comment. Reveal the results in the next break.
Today’s Dumb Headlines:
1. “Half Of Men Feel Pressured To Act Manly”
2. “Opinion: America Isn’t Cool Anymore”
3. “Meet The Man Who Runs A Moist Towelette Museum Out Of A Planetarium”
And here’s a spare, in case you don’t like one of those three: “This Tool Will Change The Way You Use The Toilet”

WEIRD CLASSROOM RULES

Buzzfeed asked, “What is the weirdest ‘classroom rule’ you’ve encountered in a teacher’s classroom?” Some of the responses:
– “We weren’t allowed to say that we had to use the bathroom. We had to call it ‘The Thunderbox.'”
– “The teacher was adamant that your feet should touch the floor. I was tiny for my age. Embarrassing as it was for me, she put a huge dictionary on the floor under my desk.”
– “There was a three-strikes system in my second-grade classroom. After the third strike, everyone had to call you ‘Poopy Poo McPoohead’ for the rest of the day, and if they called you by your actual name, then THEY got a strike.”
– “At my son’s school, they earn fake ‘money’ for good behavior. They get to go to the ‘store’ once a month to spend their money and buy little trinkets and stuff you’d buy from the dollar store. My kid’s first-grade teacher would make the children pay ‘money’ to use the restroom. They’re in FIRST GRADE! Of course, they aren’t going to give up their ‘money’ to go potty. It resulted in a lot of accidents and unhappy parents.”
– “At my Catholic middle school, we had to call deviled eggs ‘angeled eggs.’”
– “I had an elementary school librarian who would make you greet her pet rock family before she let you check out books. It was an entire multi-generational family in a huge Victorian-style doll house on the other end of the library but within eyesight. She would make you get out of line, say hello to them, and then have you rejoin the back of the checkout line.”
– “My language arts teacher would only loan you a pencil if you took your shoe off and left it at her desk. You only got your shoe back when you returned the pencil.”
– “A substitute teacher walked into the class and requested immediately that we call him ‘His Royal Majesty during role call,’ and he was so dead serious about it. About twenty minutes later, he told us to read silently while he reviewed our math lesson. We silently read the whole day since he fell asleep and even excused ourselves to lunch and back. He still slept the whole day. Our whole class went to the office the next day and got him fired.”
* PHONE TOPIC: Did you have a teacher with an unusual rule?

U.S. NEWS

MAN DUNKS HEAD IN PICKLE BARREL

Police in Glassboro, New Jersey, are searching for the guy who dunked his head into a store’s pickle barrel and ran off. It happened at a Heritage Dairy convenience store. Sales clerk Zach Sinone said he was ringing someone up when he heard a splash, “Like someone jumping into a pool.” He saw pickle juice all over the floor, and a kid with soaking wet hair speed-walking out of the door. The store had to trash the entire barrel, which was nearly full of pickles. The damage was around $52 in pickles.
* So, no big dill.
* Bobbing for Pickles sounds like the lamest TikTok challenge ever.
* Talk about the briny deep.
* One more product that has to be put behind a locked glass door.

FROSTBITTEN KANSAS CITY FOOTBALL FANS LOOKING AT AMPUTATIONS

Remember the Chiefs-Dolphins playoff game back in January at Arrowhead stadium? The kickoff temperature was marked at 4 degrees below zero, with a wind chill of -27 degrees, making the game the fourth-coldest in NFL history. After the game, dozens of fans had to be treated for frostbite. Many of them were referred to the Grossman Burn Center and now, say doctors there, 70% of the patients referred for frostbite injuries from the game are now being advised to schedule amputations.
* “And hurry up with that scheduling – chop-chop!”
* We’re Number On— well, I’d hold up a finger if I had one.
* Sure you lost some fingertips or maybe some toes, but you paid hundreds of dollars for the experience, right?
* Are they in the I.C.U.? Get it? Icy-You?
* I left my heart in San Francisco … and three toes in Kansas City.

AUDIO: WHEEL OF FLORIDA MAN! MAN WAS FLIRTING WHEN HE ___________.

Time for another edition of Wheel of Florida Man! Read the headline, have listeners guess the blank. Here’s the Intro:
CLIP URL: morningsidekick(dot)com/prep/wp-content/uploads/WheelOfFloridaMan-Intro(dot)mp3
The Headline:
A Florida man at an airport claims he was attempting to “flirt” with another traveler when he _______.
Answer:
A Florida man at an airport claims he was attempting to “flirt” with another traveler when he made a bomb threat.
The story:
Miami native Alan Borinsky, 70, told police he was “trying to be funny” when he made the remark at Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport last Friday. Two witnesses overheard him tell another passenger something like “If the bomb in my bag goes off prematurely, I apologize to your family in advance.” The two witnesses reported his comments to police. Borinsky was arrested and charged with making a false bomb report.
* I guess the old “I’m going to kill you with this axe” line just doesn’t work the way it used to.
* “Did you hear that? Of course that guy doesn’t have a bomb, but should we get him thrown off the plane, or cut him a break?” “Hmm. I don’t like his face. Let’s report him.”
* As they hauled him away did he yell, “Call me!”?
* As pick-up lines go, it bombed.

RICH PEOPLE VOLUNTEER TO LET THEIR HOMES BE BURGLARIZED

After a spate of break-ins (* A spate!), residents of America’s wealthiest town are volunteering to have their homes burglarized as part of a new police sting operation. The wealthy folks of Atherton, California, where the average home runs around $7 million, have seen ten residential burglaries so far this year. The local police are trying something new: several residents have volunteered to have their residences used to lure unsuspecting crooks. Expensive and easy-to-steal items have been placed inside the homes. The items have been tagged with tracking devices, and the homes have been fitted with enhanced surveillance devices.
* Burglars in Atherton, California – forget you heard this! Erase it from your minds!
* There’s got to be one of these homeowners who say, “Yes, use our house, but we can’t be robbed on Tuesday because we’re having the carpets done, and also we’re having the Vanderplats over on Friday.”
* You know it’s going to turn out to be a burglary ring of bad cops who are using this plan as a ruse to get in these homes and steal everything for themselves. Yes, a ruse!
* … or, the rich people could throw the tracking devices into random pickup trucks and sell the items on eBay.
* Soon to be a screwball comedy starring Dan Levy as the rich homeowner and Pete Davidson as the bumbling burglar.

INTERNATIONAL NEWS

FIGHTING HOCKEY MOM HIT WITH A COWBELL

A fight between two hockey moms at a northern Ontario minor league hockey game escalated from a verbal fight to an assault with a cowbell. It happened at the Labbé Arena in Sturgeon Falls during a game between the Markstay-Warren Wolves and Don’s Butcher Shop West Nipissing Stings. One of the Stings’ moms, notorious for starting verbal altercations during her children’s hockey games, started carping about how it took the Wolves four years to finally beat them. Asked repeatedly to quiet down and leave them alone, the woman kept at it. Eventually, one of the Wolves’ moms hit the woman with a cowbell. That mom was charged with assault. The Wolves won 5-1.
* It was the rare case where you need less cowbell.
* It’s supposed to be a PERCUSSION instrument, not a CONCUSSION instrument.
* Coulda been worse. Coulda been a marimba.
* Moms, moms —- let’s leave the fights to the kids on the ice, okay?
* The West Nipissing Stings – I’m envisioning a bunch of skinny blonde-haired kids with bass guitars for hockey sticks.

TRENDING

AMERICA’S FAVORITE CEREAL

Pattern, an e-commerce platform, recently analyzed data from every day in 2023 and up through 2024 to see which breakfast cereals were most searched for by customers. Here are America’s favorite cereals:
10. Life
9. Rice Krispies
8. Raisin Bran
7. Corn Flakes
6. Cinnamon Toast Crunch
5. Frosted Flakes
4. Lucky Charms
3. Honey Bunches of Oats
2. Cream of Wheat (* How’d THAT get in here?)
1. (* and you saw this coming) Cheerios

STEVEN SPIELBERG’S FAVORITE JOHN WILLIAMS SCORE: “SCHINDLER”

Steven Spielberg was asked, what was his favorite John Williams score for his movies? He says, “Schindler’s List is the greatest piece of scoring John has ever done for me. My favorite score and the best score—both combined—that John has done for me is Schindler’s. It doesn’t just reach deeper into my soul—that score has reached the depths of so many others who know how important it was to the images that I was creating.”
(* Yeah, try whistling it.)

ALMANAC

NOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

March 10, Sunday – Daylight Saving Time Begins
March 17, Sunday – St. Patrick’s Day
March 19, Tuesday – Spring begins, Spring Equinox is 11:06 p.m. EDT
March 20, Wednesday – First full day of Spring
March 31, Sunday – Easter
April 1, Monday – April Fools Day
April 15, Monday – U.S. Tax Day
May 12, Sunday – Mother’s Day
May 27, Monday – Memorial Day

BIRTHDAYS

Laura Prepon (actress, “Orange Is The New Black,” “That 70s Show”) … 44
Jenna Fischer (actress, “Splitting Up Together,” “The Office”) … 50
Tobias Menzies (actor, “The Crown,” “Outlander”) … 49
Rachel Weisz (actress, “The Favourite,” Mrs. Daniel Craig) … 53
Wanda Sykes (comedienne, actress) … 60
Bill Brochtrup (actor, “Major Crimes”) … 61
Bryan Cranston (actor, “Your Honor,” “Breaking Bad,” “Malcolm in the Middle”) … 68

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“I still get nervous when I have a lot of makeup on, a big hairdo, and a dress.”

(A) Vladimir Putin
(B) Ellen DeGeneres
(C) Jenna Fischer

ANSWER: (C) Jenna Fischer

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

2011 – Charlie Sheen was fired from the sitcom “Two and a Half Men” by Warner Bros. Television following repeated misbehavior and weeks of the actor’s angry, often manic media campaign against his studio bosses.
* Make that “One and a Half Men Plus One Lunatic.”

1926 – The first successful trans-Atlantic radio-telephone conversation took place, between New York City and London.
* “Coffee’s better!” “No, tea is!” “No, coffee!” “No, tea!”

1876 – Alexander Graham Bell received a patent for the telephone.
* He wanted to call his friends and tell them, but he was the only person on the planet with a telephone.

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2017 – British coroner Darren Salter confirmed that George Michael died as a result of heart and liver disease. Michael was suffering from dilated cardiomyopathy with myocarditis and fatty liver. The singer died aged 53 on Christmas Day 2016 at his home in Goring-on-Thames, Oxfordshire.

2012 – Sales of albums by The Monkees soared following the death of singer Davy Jones. “Best Of The Monkees” re-entered the Billboard album chart at No.20 with sales of over 17,000 units.

2009 – Rapper Coolio was charged with drug possession after being arrested at Los Angeles International Airport. The 45-year-old, whose real name is Artis Leon Ivey Jr, was later released on $10,000 bail.

1987 – The Beastie Boys became the first rap act to have a No.1 album in the U.S. with their debut album, “Licensed To Ill.”

1976 – Elton John was immortalized in wax at Madame Tussauds in London, the first rock star to be so since The Beatles.

1969 – Led Zeppelin appeared at the Bluesville 69 Club at the Hornsey Wood Tavern, Finsbury Park, London, England. The venue was a function room at the back of the pub, and was so small that the stage was only just big enough for John Bonham’s drums, and the rest of the group had to stand on the floor at the same level as the crowd.

1962 – The Beatles recorded their first radio appearance, at the Playhouse Theatre, Hulme, Manchester, for the BBC radio program “Teenager’s Turn – Here We Go.” After a rehearsal, the Beatles put on suits for the first time and, along with the other artists appearing on the program, recorded the show in front of a teenage audience.

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. When it comes to the kids, dads do THIS three times as often as moms. What is it?
Leave young kids in the car while they run in to a store

2. The average person only cleans THIS “thoroughly” about every two years. What is it?
Their car’s glove compartment

3. Experts say doing THIS in the morning reduces your odds of getting into a car accident. What is it?
Kissing your spouse goodbye

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