THURSDAY, Jan 18 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR THURSDAY, January 18, 2024
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COMEDY MP3s POSTED ON OUR PREP SITE FOR TODAY: SWISS ARMY SHOVEL; PROMOS-TO-GO

TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing, or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

NATIONAL PEKING DUCK DAY
The Punchbowl website says this:
“Peking Duck is a delectable dish that originated in Beijing, China during the Imperial Era. It became one of the main dishes on the court menus of the Ming Dynasty in the 1500s and is now considered one of China’s national foods.”

NATIONAL WINNIE THE POOH DAY
The National Day Calendar website says this:
“National Winnie the Pooh Day is celebrated annually on January 18th. Winnie the Pooh was created by author A. A. Milne. This day is celebrated to commemorated Milne’s birthday, which was January 18th, 1882.”

THESAURUS DAY
The Time And Date website says this:
“January 18 is Thesaurus Day. Impress your family and friends with big, complicated, and fancy sounding words to celebrate this lexicographic holiday. The unofficial holiday commemorates the birth anniversary of British lexicographer and physician, Peter Mark Roget, the author of the Roget’s Thesaurus. A thesaurus is a book that compiles words grouped by similarity of meaning. The term thesaurus comes from the Greek word, thesauros, meaning treasure or storehouse. Roget’s Thesaurus is one of the most widely used reference books in the English language around the world. It was first published in 1852 with 15,000 words. Since then, the book has never gone out of publication.”

January is:

Adopt a Rescued Bird Month
Be Kind to Food Servers Month
Family Fit Lifestyle Month
Financial Wellness Month
Get Organized Month
National Candy Month
National Clean Up Your Computer Month
National Hobby Month
National Skating Month
National Train Your Dog Month
Walk Your Pet Month

ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES

WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Listings sourced from the TV Guide and EW websites
Premiering Thursday through Sunday

THURSDAY, Jan 18

Season Premieres:
Max – “Sort Of”
NBC – “Law & Order,” “Law & Order: SVU, “Law & Order: Organized Crime”

FRIDAY, Jan 19

“Dance Life”
Prime Video – New Reality Show
Synopsis: Tracks the remarkable journey of students of the Southern Hemisphere’s premier dance academy, Australia’s Brent Street, during their senior year, as they strive to become professional, commercial dancers.

“Hazbin Hotel”
Prime Video – New Animated Series
Synopsis: In attempt to find a non-violent alternative for reducing Hell’s overpopulation, the daughter of Lucifer opens a rehabilitation hotel that offers a group of misfit demons a chance at redemption.

“The Kitchen”
Netflix – The UK film comes to streaming
Synopsis: In a dystopian future London where all social housing has been eliminated, Izi and Benji fight to navigate the world as residents of The Kitchen, a community that refuses to abandon their home.

“The Woman in the Wall”
Paramount+ – New Series
Synopsis: Lorna Brady wakes to a corpse in her home with no idea of how it got there. Debuts on Showtime on Sunday.

Season Premieres:
Netflix – “Love on the Spectrum U.S.”
NBC – “Transplant”

SUNDAY, Jan 21

Season Premiere:
Hallmark – “The Way Home”

10,000 APPLICANTS TO BE SMASHING PUMPKINS GUITARIST

A couple weeks ago, Smashing Pumpkins announced an open call seeking out a new guitar player because guitarist Jeff Schroeder, who played with the band from 2006 through last year, recently left the group. Their post: “SP is looking for a new guitarist (not bass). The application process is open to anyone who might be interested.” Over 10,000 people have sent in demos. Smashing Pumpkins claim they have have “eight people working full-time to review each and every one.”
* But the first one in is gonna get it. Come on.
* So 10,000 maniacs applied to play guitar for Smashing Pumpkins?
* How about rotating guitarists, like they did with Jeopardy! hosts?
* If they’re going through 10,000 audition tapes you still have plenty time to go buy a guitar, learn how to play it, and then submit your own demo.

CHUCK E. CHEESE: THE GAME SHOW

A new game show is in the works, based on the Chuck E. Cheese pizza chain. The show, which some are comparing to Netflix’s Squid Game, will have adults competing in larger versions of games they played as kids. Adults will compete in supersized arcade games — including pinball, air hockey, skeeball and the claw. (* What, no human Whack-a-Mole?) The top ticket earning duo will get the chance to exchange their tickets for prizes off a massive version of the iconic Chuck E. Cheese prize wall.
* All while dodging puddles of child vomit?
* The prizes will be as junky as the ones at Chuck E. Cheese, just larger.
* Instead of the giant murderous robot woman who plays “Red Light, Green Light,” it’ll be a giant animatronic Chuck E. Cheese band. With flamethrowers.
* It’s like the Squid Games, only worse, because you don’t die.
* It’s worse than Squid Games – losers will be forced to eat a Chuck E. Cheese pizza.
* At least they’re not replacing the guitarist with AI.

THE BUZZ

DUMB HEADLINES

Time for another episode of Three Dumb Headlines. These are actual, word-for-word headlines of stories found on the internet. There’s no story, no context, just the actual headline. Discuss them amongst yourselves. Then, encourage listeners to vote for the Dumbest Headline on your station’s social media page. Maybe ask them to leave a comment. Reveal the results in the next break.
Today’s Dumb Headlines:
1. “King Charles Has an Enlarged Prostate. What Does That Mean?”
2. “These Are The Weirdest Car Keys Ever Produced”
3. “I’m A Sexy Farmer Making Six Figures Milking Cows In A Bikini — Haters Say I Have No Self-Respect”
And here’s a spare, in case you don’t like one of those three: “80 Percent Of Us Hear The Difference Between Hot And Cold Water”

REDNECK SAYINGS

Reddit asked, “What is the best redneck saying you know?” Some of the responses we can say on the radio (and, lordy, there are a lot of great dirty redneck sayings!):
– “If you cant tie a knot, tie a lot.”
– “That guy pulls more tail than a kid at a petting zoo.”
– “Keep your yearnins’ away from your earnin’s.”
– “If you gotta eat crow, don’t nibble at it.”
– “He’s so cheap, he turns off the gas to flip his eggs”
– “Red Bull give you wings. Moonshine give you four wheel drive.”
– “I’m here for a good time not a long time.”
– “Can’t never could and ain’t never would.”
– “He was grinning like a skunk eatin bees.”
– “It’s hotter than two hells.”
– “Harder than woodpecker lips.”
– “Happy as a tornado in a trailer park.”
– “That guy’s nuttier than squirrel poop.”
– “Don’t tell me about the pain, just show me the baby.”
– “That’s got every part of the pig but the squeal.”
PHONE TOPIC: Have you got a good redneck expression? (And it’s gotta be clean!)

U.S. NEWS

INMATE ESCAPES DURING SNOWSTORM, TURNS SELF IN AN HOUR LATER

An inmate escaped from the Tennessee police, right in the middle of an extreme cold snap and a snow storm. Demarkus Davis, 20, jumped out of a patrol car bound for the Shelby County Jail on Sunday night. Just 45 minutes later, he turned himself over to police because it was so cold. The temperature at the time was 13 degrees. Davis was still handcuffed when they re-arrested him.
* That saves a couple of seconds anyway.
* So he’s freezing. Where do they take him? To the cooler. What the hell?
* With the handcuffs, he could barely even rub his hands together.
* I hope the officers aren’t expecting a medal for their brave work on this one.
* He was hoping to escape and just chill, but 13 degrees is nuts.

MOTHER-DAUGHTER POLE DANCING LESSONS

There is controversy in Atlanta over a pole dancing studio that offers classes for kids. Pink Poles Studios introduced the “Mommy and Me” class, advertising it with a video of parents and children playing and spinning on poles. Several people complained about the use of children in adverting pole dancing lessons. In response to the backlash, the studio posted a message: “The media often misrepresents pole fitness as being the same as pole dancing at strip clubs. POLE FITNESS IS NOT STRIPPING,” the post read. The studio said the classes will build confidence in children.
* Just the same, they offer a 10% discount if your kid is named Amber, Jade, or Krystal with a K.
* And they say kids aren’t learning enough technical skills for future careers.
* The classes cover everything: the aerial invert, the back hook spin, and the tip jar.
* How does this not make “America’s Got Talent”?
* I’ve got your pink pole right here.

CITY WANTS TO CHANGE THE NAME OF POOPENAUT COURT

The city of Rancho Cordova, California, is thinking about changing the name of one of its streets. It’s called Poopenaut Court. It’s been Poopenaut Court for 18 years, dating back to when the subdivision was first built. (* And there were no porta-pottys, so the workers went exploring for a place to go. Hence, they were Poopenauts.) No, actually, streets in that neighborhood are named after trails, lakes, and other natural features — Poopenaut is the name of a valley in Yosemite National Park. Right below the street sign is a sign saying “No dumping.” There are currently no homes built on the street. But now, the Rancho Cordova City Council is considering changing the name because, well, Poopenaut. The Rancho Cordova City Council was scheduled to discuss the name change at Tuesday night’s meeting.
* Ironic that Poopenaut was their number one choice at the time, and not number two.
* If they just changed the last letter to R, it would be Poopenaur. Wait – that’s not much better.
* Poopenauts are when astronauts have an accident in their spacesuits.
* The word Poopenaut actually came from Star Trek: to boldly go where no man has gone before.
* Yep. This is the kind of crap they cover at City Council meetings.

INTERNATIONAL NEWS

AIR PASSENGER STUCK IN BATHROOM FOR ENTIRE FLIGHT

On Tuesday, a SpiceJet passenger got trapped in the plane’s lavatory for nearly the entire flight. The budget airline said the man went in shortly after takeoff, but then the door wouldn’t open due to a lock malfunction, trapping the passenger inside. The flight was a 90-minute night flight from Mumbai to Bengaluru. The crew and other passengers attempted to free the flyer from outhouse arrest, but to no avail. At one point, a crew member slid a note under the door saying, “Do not panic. We are landing in a few minutes, so please close the commode lid and sit on it and secure yourself. As soon as the main door is open, an engineer will come.” They landed, and two engineers boarded the aircraft and broke open the door, after which the man received “immediate medical support.”
* What, a lung transplant and cream for the body rash?
* And it was an Indian airline so, you know… Indian food.
* On the up side, two lucky passengers didn’t have to share an armrest.
* And besides, in the lavatory, there’s actually more leg room.
* A malfunctioning door locking you in the bathroom. Better or worse than having a section of the fuselage blow out during the flight? Let’s open the phones.

WOMAN HAS PET HAMSTER STUFFED, POSED AS A POLE DANCER

A woman in London, Jess Porter-Langson, 27, was devastated when her pet hamster, named Hammington, died last August. She wanted to do ‘something special’ to immortalize him – so she found a local taxidermy artist to stuff Hammy and pose him holding onto a little pole as a stripper. He’s wearing a little pink g-string stuffed with tiny dollar bills. She keeps the taxidermy piece, which cost her £175, next to her bed.
* Do British strippers dance to “The Hamster Dance” or something?
* Press a button and it spins around to the song “Pour Some Carrot Shavings On Me” by Def Gerbil.
* Was the hamster known for its lap dances? I hope not, for a number of reasons.
* Hmm. I’m seeing a horror movie where the hamster comes alive like Chucky and is so mortified he kills everyone on the block.
* At least it’s a cute hamster and not, say, a big lizard. Yuck.

CHINESE CAR COMES WITH ROOFTOP DRONE

Chinese electric car company BYD has demonstrated a new gizmo at the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas. They’ve put a drone on top of their car. The drone was demonstrated on a YangWang U8 luxury electric SUV. On top of the vehicle is something resembling a rooftop luggage rack. A door slides open on top, and out flies a little drone. The unit will go up and keep pace with the car, although a wireless remote is included if someone in the vehicle wants to fly it away from the car. The drone’s cameras stream video to the vehicle’s infotainment system. The thinking is, if you’re stuck in traffic and want to see what’s causing the problem; or if you just want to look around and see where you’re going, this is the toy for you.
* Another very cool thing you’ll use twice.
* It also provides target practice for the other cars in the traffic jam.
* You could have the drone deliver a nasty message to the guy who’s tailgating you.
* How many days ’til the drone gets busted ’cause you flew it into a traffic light pole or a tree? One? Two?
* We’re about a year away from being able to say, “Drone, go get me a pizza and meet me at Exit 15.”

TRENDING

ARNOLD SCHWARTZENEGGER HASSLED AT GERMAN CUSTOMS

Arnold Schwarzenegger was stopped at the Munich, Germany, Airport on Wednesday while customs agents shook him down to pay taxes on the expensive watch he was wearing – a watch which he has owned for awhile. Customs detained Arnold for three hours over the watch. He ended up agreeing to prepay potential taxes on the watch in order to get on with his day. First they tried for an hour to get his money through a credit card machine. Then customs agents took Schwarzenegger to a bank so he could withdraw cash from an ATM. But the ATM had too low a limit — the taxes were $10,613 — and the bank was closed, too. The group headed back to the airport, and another officer brought a new, working credit card machine. On top of it all, the watch is going to be auctioned off for the Schwarzenegger Climate Initiative — a nonprofit dedicated to supporting clean energy efforts worldwide.

R.E.M., STEELY DAN, TIMBALAND IN SONGWRITERS HALL OF FAME

The Songwriters Hall of Fame has announced its Class of 2024. R.E.M, Timbaland, Steely Dan, Hillary Lindsey and Dean Pitchford are the new inductees this year. Timbaland has written hits for Missy Elliott, Justin Timberlake, Aaliyah and other artists, while Lindsey is known for “Jesus Take the Wheel,” “Girl Crush” and “Million Reasons.” Pitchford’s writing credits include “Footloose,” “Fame” and “Let’s Hear It for the Boy.” R.E.M. and Steely Dan wrote… well, come on, they’re R.E.M and Steely Dan.

LORNE MICHAELS WOULD LOVE TINA FEY TO TAKE OVER SNL

Lorne Michaels knows who would be the perfect successor to take over his role as executive producer on “Saturday Night Live.” Michaels, now 79, said, “It could easily be Tina Fey, but you know, there are a lot of people who are there now.” But Fey is someone he could trust implicitly with the hit NBC sketch show, adding that she’s “brilliant” in everything she does. Michaels added that while he may be looking up a future replacement for himself, he’s still going to remain with “SNL” for its 50th anniversary, slated for February 2025. But, he says, “Sometime before that, we’ll figure out what we’re gonna do.” (* You know it’ll end up being Kenan. That’s why he’s hanging around so long.)

ALMANAC

NOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

January 26, Friday – Int’l Holocaust Remembrance Day (UN)
February 2, Friday – Groundhog Day
February 10, Saturday – Chinese New Year (The Year of the Dragon)
February 12, Monday – Lincoln’s Birthday
February 14, Wednesday – Valentine’s Day
February 19, Monday – Presidents Day / Washington’s Birthday
February 13, Tuesday – Shrove Tuesday/Mardi Gras
March 10, Sunday – Daylight Saving Time Begins
March 17, Sunday – St. Patrick’s Day
March 19, Tuesday – Spring begins, Spring Equinox is 11:06 p.m. EDT
March 20, Wednesday – First full day of Spring

BIRTHDAYS

Zeeko Zaki (actor, “FBI”) … 34
Ashleigh Murray (actress, “Riverdale”) … 36
Jason Segel (screenwriter, actor, “Dispatches from Elsewhere,” “How I Met Your Mother”) … 44
Jesse L. Martin (actor, “The Irrational”) … 55
Kevin Costner (actor, in some cowboy show) … 69

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“Maybe you won’t like my movies, but somebody has to fight for stuff, and believe me, it’s a fight.”

(A) Adam Sandler
(B) Nicolas Cage
(C) Kevin Costner

ANSWER: (C) Kevin Costner

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

2018 – The first drone rescue of swimmers was carried out by by lifeguards in New South Wales, Australia.
* It’s Australia, with the deadly blue-ringed octopuses. Would YOU go in the water?

2001 – Civil rights leader Jesse Jackson revealed an extramarital affair that resulted in the birth of a daughter.
* Let’s see him come up with a clever rhyme for THAT.

1990 – In an FBI sting, Washington, D.C., Mayor Marion Barry was arrested for drug possession. He was later convicted of a misdemeanor.
* This reduced drug dealing in our nation’s capital by .000000000001%.

1912 – Captain Robert Scott and his polar exploration crew reached the South Pole in 1912, only to discover that Norwegian adventurer Roald Amundsen had arrived 35 days earlier.
* He’s reported to have said something along the lines of “DOH!”

1911 – American pilot Eugene Ely completed the first landing of an aircraft on a ship.
* He celebrated with a glass of champagne and some fresh underwear.

1788 – The first English settlers arrived in Australia’s Botany Bay to establish a penal colony.
* They went to the other side of the planet to start a prison – how bad were THESE convicts?

1778 – Capt. James Cook accidentally discovered the Hawaiian Islands.
* Pretty cool. Until a year later, when the natives killed him.

1733 – The first polar bear was exhibited in America in Boston.
* It got a chilly reception.

1644 – Pilgrims in Boston reported seeing America’s first UFO.
* Of course, this was the same day they started operating America’s first still.

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2011 – The largest collection of Beatles memorabilia went on display in a new museum in Buenos Aires, Argentina. Rodolfo Vazquez, a 53-year-old accountant, turned his mammoth collection into a museum with more than 8,500 objects – setting the new world record for the largest collection of Beatles memorabilia.

2008 – Four photographers were arrested for reckless driving after they chased Britney Spears’ car on the outskirts of Los Angeles.

2004 – Jennifer Lopez’s divorce from her second husband Cris Judd became final. Lopez and Judd married in 2001, after meeting when filming the video to “Love Don’t Cost A Thing,” but split the next year. He was expected to get a $15 million settlement from the divorce.

2004 – Josh Groba was at No.1 on the U.S. album chart with “Closer.”

1996 – Lisa Marie Presley filed for divorce from Michael Jackson in New York.

1991 – Three fans were crushed to death during an AC-DC concert in Salt Lake City.

1986 – “That’s What Friends Are For” by Dionne Warwick began a four-week run at No.1 on the U.S. singles chart. All profits were given to AIDS charities.

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. According to a recent survey, over 40 percent of Americans never change THIS – unless they have to. What is it?
Passwords

2. According to a recent survey, 47% of Americans have admitted to stealing THIS at least once. What is it?
A pair of sunglasses

3. Every week, about 40 Americans get a new one of THESE. What is it?
A new heart

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