THURSDAY, Dec 19 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR THURSDAY, December 19, 2024
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COMEDY MP3s POSTED ON OUR PREP SITE FOR TODAY: HARD-TO-STORE XMAS DECORATIONS; PROMOS-TO-GO

TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing – including “holidays” created by the National Day Calendar and Wellcat websites to drive traffic to their websites – or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

LOOK FOR AN EVERGREEN DAY
The Holiday Insights website says this:
“Look for an Evergreen Day is today. To many people, only a fresh cut real tree will do for Christmas. The scent of fresh pine helps to capture the feel of the holidays. Nothing looks more real than a real tree, each one with it’s own character and appearance. There is no shortage of types of Christmas trees. Generally classified as firs, spruces, and pines, the most popular varieties have changed over the years. Personal preference will determine whether you select a short needle, or long needled tree. If you haven’t selected a tree yet, it is certainly getting late. As we researched this special day, we questioned the timing. By the 19th of December, most people have found and put up their Christmas tree. So if you are still treeless, this special day could be the day to do so.”

NATIONAL HARD CANDY DAY

OATMEAL MUFFIN DAY

December is:

Exotic/Tropical Fruits Month
National Egg Nog Month
National Fruit Cake Month
National Stress-Free Family Holiday Month
National Write a Business Plan Month
Safe Toys and Gifts Month
Tomato Month
Winter Squash Month

ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES

WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
Listings sourced from the TV Guide, EW and other websites

THURSDAY, December 19

“Beast Games”
Prime Video – New Competition Show
Synopsis: MrBeast, the YouTuber who made a name as a Willy Wonka-type philanthropist, presents 1,000 contestants competing in various challenges for a $5 million top prize.

“Fast Friends”
Max – New Game Show
Synopsis: Celebrating 30 years of Friends, this four-part game show tests contestants with trivia and puzzles while re-living fan favorite moments.

“Laid”
Peacock – New Series
Synopsis: Aa young woman discovers that all the people she has had sex with are dying under mysterious circumstances.

“Nate Bargatze’s Nashville Christmas”
CBS – Holiday Special
Synopsis: A festive variety show with Nate’s signature comedic charm, holiday fun, and musical performances.

“Rose Matafeo: On and On and On”
Max – Comedy Special
Synopsis: In her second Max stand-up special, Rose Matafeo reflects on the difficulties of endings and the seemingly endless loops that shape our lives.

Season Premiere:
Netflix – “Virgin River”

FRIDAY, December 20

“Ilana Glazer: Human Magic”
Hulu – Comedy Special
Synopsis: The unfiltered stand-up special dives into life’s down and dirty truths, from painfully awkward high school years to navigating parenthood as a stoner mom.

“Josh Groban & Friends: Home for the Holidays”
CBS – Special
Synopsis: Josh Groban and special guests perform from The Bram Goldsmith Theater at the Wallis Annenberg Center for the Performing Arts in Los Angeles.

“Juror #2”
Max – The Clint Eastwood theatrical release comes to streaming
Synopsis: A man serving as a juror in a murder trial struggles with a moral dilemma that could change the outcome of the entire case.

“National Christmas Tree Lighting”
CBS – Special
Synopsis: Mickey Guyton hosts the time-honored tradition, featuring musical performances from the White House and more.

SUNDAY, December 22

“The 47th Kennedy Center Honors”
CBS – Special
Synopsis: Recipients are acclaimed director and filmmaker Francis Ford Coppola; the legendary American rock band the Grateful Dead; blues rock singer-songwriter and guitarist Bonnie Raitt; jazz trumpeter, pianist and composer Arturo Sandoval; and The Apollo, which will receive a special Honors as an iconic American institution.

Season Premiere:
Disney+ – “What If…?”

JELLY ROLL THROWS PHONE IN RIVER, WANTS NO PHONE CALLS

Country star Jelly Roll said he made the decision to take a break from technology, and threw his phone into the Cumberland River. Jelly Roll said on his wife Bunnie Xo’s podcast “Dumb Blonde,” “This isn’t maybe not the healthy way to do it, but I can confidently tell people I’m not going to have a phone all of 2025.” He said he was overwhelmed getting hundreds and hundreds of text messages a day. “And then when I would finally sit down to go back through them, I would just feel like such a bad human for missing them… I was carrying a lot of guilt. This phone was causing me a lot of guilt.” Jelly says that the phone does not help him become the person he wants to be. “I wanna be a better husband. I wanna be a better father. I wanna be a better human. I wanna be a better artist.”
* Now THAT is how you do a New Year’s resolution. (pause) I give it a week.
* Right now, the Cumberland River is going, “Is anybody going to answer that? Anybody? Can someone get that?”
* He was also feeling guilty for playing Angry Birds so much.
* The only way to reach Jelly Roll now is to send a Dairy Queen ice cream cake with your message on it.
* Relax. People will just route their texts through Bunnie’s phone. It’ll be fine!

THE BUZZ

DUMB HEADLINES

Time for another episode of Three Dumb Headlines. These are actual, word-for-word headlines of stories found on the internet. There’s no story, no context, just the actual headline. Discuss them amongst yourselves. Then, encourage listeners to vote for the Dumbest Headline on your station’s social media page. Maybe ask them to leave a comment. Reveal the results in the next break.
Today’s Dumb Headlines:
1. “Why Are Other People Smarter Than You?”
2. “Here’s How Many Glasses Of Beer Are In A Pitcher”
3. “The Year In Popcorn Buckets”
And here’s a spare, in case you don’t like one of those three: “Sixty Hour Pork Broth”

FESTIVUS: THE AIRING OF THE GRIEVANCES

Each year, the Tampa Bay Times asks its readers to send in their grievances so that they can be aired for Festivus. (If you don’t know what Festivus is by now, there’s no hope for you.) Now, the Airing of the Grievances… of the people of Tampa:
– “‘Wicked’ was just fine, but generic as hell. I’m tired of everyone acting like it’s groundbreaking cinema.”
– “I’m sick of shorter and shorter seasons of shows. I demand every show have a minimum of 10 episodes per season.”
– “The overuse by the media of the word ‘crisis.’ A problem that can be corrected by the actions of intelligent people is not a crisis. The border issue is not a crisis. An asteroid heading toward the Earth that will extinguish all life is a crisis.”
– “Timothée Chalamet. I still don’t like him, but he’s growing on me, and that comes with its own pains.”
– “I went to Aldi yesterday and I found out this morning that all of the ripe avocados have massive dents in them from people squeezing to check ripeness.”
– “The Swanson meatloaf family pack now only feeds a family of 2.5 people.”
– “The Publix cashier that provides the play-by-play on every item she rings up. ‘Oh I love this popcorn.’ ‘These chicken tenders look so good.’”
– “My closest Taco Bell closed for several weeks for renovations. Nobody is going to Taco Bell for the scenery or atmosphere. Serve me tacos from the back of an old van. I don’t care. Just don’t close for weeks at a time.”
– “People who have lived the most interesting lives insist on telling you the most boring stories.”
– “They don’t sell only one sock in stores. I’m only short one sock. Why am I forced to buy two.”
– “The floor-mounted urinals at Hattrick’s are way too friendly and close to the sink.”
– “Why does every bar have to have a theme now? Can’t the theme just be getting drunk?”
– “Why can’t we have a universal standard for which direction you must twist those little wires that are used to close bags of bread? I’ll bet I’ve wasted 1,000 hours of my life twisting those things in the wrong direction before discovering I was going the wrong way!”
* PHONE TOPIC: Have listeners call in with their grievances and splice them together.

U.S. NEWS

PORCH PIRATE: “C’MON, THAT’S MY ASS ON THE INTERNET”

Police in Gloucester, New Jersey are searching for two porch pirates caught on camera stealing a package off a resident’s porch. On Monday, Dec. 9, the victim’s Ring camera captured two people running up to their front door. One grabbed an Amazon package from the porch containing four glasses and baby items valued at $74. The other suspect began taunting the resident on their camera by “twerking,” then both suspects ran away. The victim posted the surveillance video on the Ring Neighbors app to warn the neighbors. Two days later, on Wednesday, Dec. 11, the two suspects returned to the victim’s home. The one who had twerked during the initial theft held up their phone to the Ring camera showing the twerking video and said, “Come on dude, not cool bro, come on not cool. That’s my ass on the internet!” Then he ran across the street. Ten minutes later, one of the suspects returned a second time holding one of the stolen glasses — which was broken and said, “Uh, I meant to give this back” while placing it on the front step and fleeing the area once more. Police are still trying to identify the suspects.
* Hey, don’t do the crime if you can’t do the air time.
* Who does that guy think is going to notice one more ass on the internet?
* So THIS is who those New Jersey drones have been looking for!
* Nice dancing, bro. And nice fingerprints on the glass.
* At least one of them is ready for the prison talent show when they finally get caught.

MASTODON JAW FOUND IN NEW YORKER’S BACKYARD

An intact prehistoric mastodon jaw was discovered in the backyard of a New York home in Scotchtown — about 70 miles from New York City, in the Hudson Valley area. The homeowner initially saw a pair of teeth poking up near a plant. The jaw belonged to an adult male mastadon, which is a large prehistoric elephant. The fossils will be carbon-dated and analyzed to figure out the mastodon’s age, diet and habitat.
* I’d say the habitat is upstate New York, no? Just a guess.
* With those giant teeth, at first they thought it was the skeleton of Gary Busey.
* The weird part – the homeowner is the Geico Caveman.
* The last fossil find in New York was Bernadette Peters, currently appearing in Stephen Sondheim’s “Old Friends” at the Samuel J. Friedman theater.

IOWA TEACHER POSTS BANNED WORDS LIST

An Iowa social studies teacher is banning students from saying a list of words in her classroom. Saying a banned term leads to a punishment of detention. At least 10 students have been punished so far. Of course, banning speech is a violation of the First Amendment. The Foundation for Individual Rights and Expression is calling on the Iowa school district to remove the unconstitutional list of banned language from the classroom.
– On the other hand, would it be so bad if we never heard some of these words again? Here is the teacher’s list of banned words:
Diddy Party, Diddler, Oiled Up, Baby Oil, Skibity, Ohio (* Ohio is now used as a synonym for something that’s cringe or dumb), Alpha, Beta, Omega, Sigma, Brain Rot, Rizzler, Womp Womp, Chat, Gigga Chat, Bark, Barking, Meow, Meowing, Hawk Tuah, Rage Quitting, Pimp, Fat jokes, LGBTQ jokes, Nazi references.
* And that’s just in the kindergarten class. Tough school.
* As punishment, kids in detention have to listen to the principal talk using slang from the ’80’s.
* No Bark, Barking, or Meow, Meowing, but Chirp, Chirping, Ribbit, Ribbiting, and Hee-Haw, Hee-Hawing are okay? That’s just stupid!
* Before you pick sides,remember – The Foundation for Individual Rights and Expression says you can’t ban people from twerking.

AUDIO: MURDER HORNETS RUBBED OUT IN THE U.S.

The “murder hornet” has been eradicated from the United States, five years after the invasive species was first discovered in Washington state. Officials from the U.S. Department of Agriculture declared Wednesday that there have been no confirmed detections of the northern giant hornet for the past three years. The eradication was the result of a yearslong effort to find and eliminate the hornets that involved state, federal and international government agencies. Officials added that the public also played a large part in helping eradicate the pest by reporting sightings.
* All they had to do was listen to the public for this sound:
CLIP: Nicolas Cage: “Not the bees!”
CLIP URL: morningsidekick(dot)(com)/prep/wp-content/uploads/Bees-NicCage(dot)mp3
* That’s great. Now do bedbugs.
* They’re calling it the most successful sting operation since Donnie Brasco.
* Send your worst, Nature! Nothing can compete with Murder Humans!

INTERNATIONAL NEWS

FOR SALE: RUSSIAN SNOWMAN ARMS

Some jokesters in Russia have put wooden sticks up for sale online and advertised them as “Snowman Arms.” Some of the ads are asking for up to 5,300 rubles ($50) per pair. Marketed as “long-lasting”, strong, reliable and unique – “like snowflakes in winter” – the wooden snowman arms are said to be the perfect purchase this holiday season.
* And they’re biodegradable, so you don’t harm the environment!
* That is such a great scam, I can’t believe Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop hasn’t gotten into this racket.
* ♫ ♩ “Ivan the snowman – was a jolly happy bloke / But his arms – this sucks – cost a hundred bucks / Are you kidding? What a joke!” ♪ ♬
* I would advertise a snowman kit, and send a bottle of water with a note that says “some assembly required.”

ALMANACNOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

Dec. 21, Saturday – Winter begins, winter solstice occurs at 4:21 a.m. (EST)
Dec. 25, Wednesday – Christmas
Dec. 31, Tuesday – New Year’s Eve
Jan. 1, Wednesday – New Year’s Day

BIRTHDAYS

Jake Gyllenhall (actor) … 44
Marla Sokoloff (actress, “Fuller House,” “The Fosters”) … 44
Alyssa Milano (actress, “Mistresses”) … 52
Jennifer Beales (actress, “Taken” TV series, “The Night Shift” TV series) … 61

Today’s Birthdays grade: Three fine TV actresses, and the master of a wide breadth of challenging film roles – Jake Gyllenhaal. He’s been acting since childhood, has developed into one of the most respected actors of his generation, has performed on Broadway, and has picked up a mammoth 30 awards for his various portrayals. A.

[Want to try something different with the daily birthdays? Try grading them! Some days have “good” celebs, some have “great” celebs, some have “lousy” celebs. For fun, give the group an arbitrary grade: A-plus through F-minus. Sidekick will give you our take on it; you can to take the concept and run with it.]

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“Every man goes through a period of thinking they’re attracted to another guy.”

(A) Tom Cruise
(B) John Travolta
(C) Jake Gyllenhall

ANSWER: (C) Jake Gyllenhall

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

2016 – The U.S. electoral college voted 304 to 227 to nominate Donald Trump for President. Seven “faithless” electors voted for other candidates, costing Trump two votes and Hillary Clinton four.
* Have the electors come out of hiding yet?

1998 – President Clinton was impeached by the Republican-controlled House for perjury and obstruction of justice. The 42nd chief executive became only the second in history to be ordered to stand trial in the Senate, where, like Andrew Johnson before him, he was acquitted.
* He got off scott-free. Come to think of it, Clinton spent a lot of his time in the White House getting off.

1997 – “Titanic” opened in American movie theaters, and went on to break all previous earning records, grossing $1.8 billion worldwide.
* Still, that’s nothing compared to what they made in popcorn sales.

1984 – The United Kingdom agreed to return Hong Kong to China in 1997.
* Along with the lawnmower they borrowed in 1896.

1970 – Disposable razors first went on sale.
* Sharp idea. Well, for a day or two, anyway.

1958 – The first radio broadcast was made from space – a recorded message of peace from President Eisenhower.
* It would have been so much cooler if the message had been something like, “People of Earth! Surrender now!”

1919 – The American Meteorological Society was founded.
* It was actually formed by a bunch of guys who flunked out of astrology school.

1917 – The National Hockey League played its first game on artificial ice in Toronto.
* Artificial ice? What, frozen water is too expensive?

1843 – Charles Dickens published “A Christmas Carol” on this date in 1843, and promptly sold 6,000 copies.
* That holiday season HE was visited by The Ghost of Christmas Windfall.

1777 – General George Washington settled his troops at Valley Forge, PA for the winter.
* They saved a ton because it was the off-season.

1732 – Benjamin Franklin published the first “Poor Richard’s Almanac.”
* If Richard was so poor, maybe he should have charged a little more for his almanac?

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2015 – Thirty-three years after it was released, Michael Jackson’s classic album “Thriller” became the first to sell more than 30 million copies in the U.S.

2005 – Sir Elton John turned down $11 million for the exclusive rights to publicize his civil union to his partner David Furnish. The couple had considered the offer from a U.S. television channel, and would put the money in the Elton John Aids Foundation, but they decided to keep the day private.

1987 – Two teenage girls died in a crush at a Public Enemy gig at the Municipal Auditorium, Nashville.

1979 – Elvis Presley’s personal physician, George Nichopoulos, was charged with “illegally and indiscriminately” prescribing over 12,000 tablets of uppers, downers, and painkillers for the star during the 20 months preceding his untimely death. Although he was acquitted this time, he was charged again in 1980 and again in 1992 and was stripped of his medical license in July 1995.

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. Most people think giving THIS as a Christmas gift is a good idea. What is it?
Gift cards

2. Almost 100% of THESE are hand-written. What are they?
Letters to Santa Claus

3. 85% of people surveyed said they think hosting Christmas is stressful – and 10% think it is more stressful than THIS. What is it?
Planning a wedding

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