SHOPLIFTER ON "TOP SECRET MISSION"

Early Wednesday morning, Ryan Fricks threw a brick through the glass door of a convenience store in Frostproof, Florida to steal a honey bun, a couple packs of cigarettes, and two energy drinks. Police later found Fricks hiding between two buses at a nearby school. He told investigators he was on a “secret and classified mission” when he broke into the Dixie convenience store, and that he didn’t care about money, he was just thirsty. Fricks admitted that after stealing the items he hid in the bushes to eat the honey bun and drink the Monster energy drinks, while watching police respond to the burglary. He’s now in the Polk County jail.
* “My name is Bunned. James Bunned.”
* This guy needs a Quantum of Brains.
* Frostproof, Florida? Isn’t every town in Florida frostproof?
* You would think that after two Monster energy drinks, he could run farther away.
* The Dixie convenience store? Wait till the PC police get ahold of that.
* I do approve of having a cover story – no matter how ridiculous it is.
* Of course, if this man really was on a secret and classified mission, we owe him a big apology.
* Where’s his spying trade craft? Didn’t he also learn about not getting captured behind enemy lines?
* That’s almost limerick country: There once was a man named Fricks, who broke into stores using bricks, he says he’s a spy, but we know it’s a lie, and this is how Fricks gets his kicks.