ROBBER CARRYING MONEY IN CANVAS BAG WITH $ PRINTED ON THE SIDE

David Eli Lingafelter was arrested last Wednesday for the robbery of a Subway restaurant in Olympia, Washington. He was carrying a white canvas bag with a large, handwritten dollar sign on it. Police allege that Lingafelter entered the Subway wearing a white hat and a red bandana over his face, adding that he “reached into his pocket as if he had a weapon.” After directing a female employee to open the cash register and place her hands on her head, Lingafelter swiped $100 and the worker’s cell phone. While committing the robbery, Lingafelter warned the Subway employee not to “do anything funny,” police reported. Lingafelter was later apprehended hiding behind a dumpster at a nearby shopping center. Lingafelter was booked on robbery and obstruction charges.
* Also, felony cliche.
* During his apprehension, police hit him on the noggin, and little tweety birds flew around his head.
* A white canvas bag for $100? Was it in pennies?
* This proves my point: There are no entrance exams to be a criminal.
* At least get a sandwich while you’re there.
* Like working at Subway doesn’t suck enough and then this clown shows up.
* “Don’t do anything funny.” “So, you don’t want to hear my Miss Piggy impression?”
* I like the ones where the clever disguise falls off during the robbery.
* He reached into his pocket as if he had a weapon, then scratched his head as if he had a brain.