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Today Is…
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TODAY’S ALMANAC
Birthdays, Upcoming Holidays, This Day in History and Music
TODAY’S TRIVIA
Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three obscure facts.
ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES
LADY GAGA HAS A BABY
Born THIS way.
THE BEATLES IN SCIENCE: LET IT BE ALREADY
I’m so tired.
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
“WHEEL OF FORTUNE” ADDS NEW GAME
This’ll make it more interesting, for sure.
“THE PRICE IS RIGHT” AND “LET’S MAKE A DEAL” DO STAR TREK EPISODES
Guess wise and prosper.
SLOW NEWS DAY, WE’LL GIVE SNOOP DOGG A FREE COMMERCIAL
Available wherever munchies are sold.
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Tuesday and Wednesday
CONTESTANT ON “SURVIVOR: GREECE” SUES OVER LOST LEG
The producers should plead immunity.
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
JOKE OF THE DAY
Suggestion: Post the joke on your website. Boost clicks by having listeners call in and tell the Joke of the Day to win a prize.
Why do birds and pigs go to different doctors?
Because birds need tweetment and pigs need oinkment
Guy is in the operating room, ready for surgery.
Doctor comes in, says, “It’s okay, Richard. You’ll be fine, RIchard. You can get through this, “Richard.” The patient says, “My name’s not Richard.” The doctor says, “I know. My name’s Richard.”
What did Santa Claus say on his 50th Birthday?
I’m having a midlife Christmas!!
My father was born with a conjoined twin, but they were separated at birth.
Yeah, I have an uncle, once removed.
A lumberjack said he chopped down EXACTLY 56,742 trees.
I asked, “How do you know that?” He said, “I keep a log.”
U.S. NEWS
BABY FORMULA CRIME RING
Whoa, baby!
TEXAS HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL FINAL SCORE: 105-14
But the game wasn’t as close as it appears.
MINNESOTA DRUG DEALER OFFERED REWARDS CARD
Psychedelic travel points, baby!
THEFT SUSPECT RUNS OUT OF STORE RIGHT INTO COP
Easiest bust ever.
CANDY CORN PERFUME
If you wear it, you’ll get snickers.
HOMEOWNER FINED FOR GROWING VEGETABLES IN HIS FRONT YARD
It’s kind of a corny story.
INTERNATIONAL NEWS
LEAP HOUR
It’s about time.
GRAVE DIGGING CONTEST IN HUNGARY
Tomb it may concern.
MAN SURVIVES TREE FALL, DIES IN ELEVATOR DROP
A real downer, man.
NEW QUEEN OF NORWAY MISSES HUSBAND’S SWEARING-IN AS KING
Oh, was that today?
MAN KILLED BY SIGN THAT READ “EVERYTHING’S UNMISSABLE”
Please observe the No Smoting sign.
MAN DISCOVERS CHEATING WIFE VIA ROBOT VACUUM
Why you little Dirt Devil!
FUNNY PICTURES
Right-click on images to
Copy or Save.
You Heard Me – Off The Furniture!
Hello? What? What’s Behind Me?
Ready For Halloween
It’s Not Sharks With Laser Beams, But It’ll Do
My Spidey Sense is Tingling
$2 Hammer
THE BUZZ
IT LOOKED SO ROMANTIC IN THE MOVIES
Isn’t it romantic? No.
HOW A.I. WILL KILL US ALL
Chaos, famine, pestilence. Have a nice day!
SURVEY: PEOPLE TASTE-TEST THEIR PET’S FOOD
On purpose.
LIFE PRO TIPS
Ask the pros!
DUMB HEADLINES
The dumb, it burns.
CAN’T SLEEP? TRY MAKING A LIST
Checkin’ it twice.
UNPOPULAR OPINIONS
Scanned menus, guitar solos and cookie dough.
HOW ABOUT NAMING HURRICANES AFTER THINGS OTHER THAN PEOPLE?
Hurricane Jerkwad?
TRENDING
NEW MOVIES
Click on name for details and audio clips
THE UPRISING
Starts Friday, September 11 in theaters.
PRACTICAL MAGIC 2
Starts Friday, September 11 in theaters.
THE FIX
Starts Friday, September 11 in theaters.
BY ANY MEANS
Starts Friday, September 4 in theaters.
Click on the title to go to an mp3 player. To download the mp3, right-click on the player and choose the “Save audio as” option.
FELDMAN’S BIG AND DUMB SHOP FOR MEN
For stupid men, duh.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, September 11.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
Funny fake sponsorship announcements
EAU DE GASOLINE PARFUM
It even sounds expensive.
A & M AUTOLAND – Subliminal Ad
Al and Mike try communicating below the threshold of actual thoughts, which is how their brains work anyway.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, September 4.
PROMOS-TO-GO
Pre-produced ready-to-use show bumper donuts
A & M AUTOLAND – Free Dinners
With their latest promotion, Al and Mike have bitten off more than they can chew.
UNIVERSITY OF HIBBING: JOBS
Earn that college degree in a week, maybe two.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, August 28.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
Funny fake sponsorship announcements
A & M AUTOLAND – Scratch And Dent Sale
Now more damaged cars than ever!
GERONIMO NURSING HARNESS
For the active new mother.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, August 21.
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