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Today Is…
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TODAY’S ALMANAC
Birthdays, Upcoming Holidays, This Day in History and Music
TODAY’S TRIVIA
Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three obscure facts.
ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES
NEW “FAST AND FURIOUS” ROLLER COASTER BRINGS NOISE COMPLAINTS
No one rides that coaster, it’s too scary.
BRAD PITT ANNOUNCES HE’S NO LONGER SOBER
Cheers to that.
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
ROKU PRESENTS 24-HOUR A.I. SLOP
TV for when you don’t want to watch TV.
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
SPIDER-MAN ADS APPEARING ON BMW DASHBOARD SCREENS
Is no place on this earth sacred?
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
DISNEY PARK ITEMS FOR AUCTION
Because you haven’t given them enough money.
JOKE OF THE DAY
Suggestion: Post the joke on your website. Boost clicks by having listeners call in and tell the Joke of the Day to win a prize.
What happened to the man who couldn’t pay his water bill?
They sent him a get well card.
Did you hear about the two radios that got married?
The reception was amazing.
A blonde goes up to the counter and says: “I’d like to order fries and a coke.”
The lady at the counter says: “Ma’am, this is a library.” The blonde goes, “Oh. (whispering): “I’d like to order fries and a coke.”
A group of elements walk into a bar.
Someone asks them, “Come here often?” One of them says, “Periodically.”
A small boy was lost.
He walks up to a policeman and says, “I’ve lost my dad!”
The cop says, “What’s he like?” The little boy says, “Beer and women.”
U.S. NEWS
ICE TO GET GLOVES THAT SHOCK
Shocking.
MAN DOES NO EXERCISE, TAKES ANABOLIC STEROIDS, ENTERS BODYBUILDING CONTEST
Oh – and he drinks, too.
AUDIO: WHALE SINKS FAMILY’S BOAT
Humper dumps chumps.
FLORIDA AVOCADO THIEF
Holy guacamole.
HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALLER PRACTICED WITH COTTONMOUTH SNAKE IN HELMET
Why the snake was wearing a helmet we’ll never know.
MAINE LIFEGUARD PULLED UNDER BY SHARK, SWIMS AWAY
This is not a boat accident.
DOGS LIKE WHEN YOU SMILE AT THEM
Try it next time you’re attcked by a doberman.
INTERNATIONAL NEWS
SULTAN OF BRUNEI STRIPS DAUGHTER-IN-LAW OF ALL ROYAL TITLES
Change the locks on the palace.
POWER COMPANY REROUTED CABLE TO AVOID “DOBBY’S GRAVE”
“Such a beautiful place, to be with friends.” – Dobby the Elf
CRUISE PASSENGER BIT BY SWIMMING PIG
And he paid for the experience.
DRUG BINGE LEADS TO A HOTEL BATHTUB FULL OF POTATOES
The potatoes weren’t the only thing fried.
BEACH BRIDE BATS BEE, FLINGS RING
Flew off her ring flinger.
97-YEAR-OLD WOMAN WING-WALKS
World’s oldest barnstormer.
MAN STANDS ON HOSPITAL ROOF DRESSED AS THE GRIM REAPER
“Death, be not douchebag.” – John Donne (maybe)
PILOT CAUGHT WITH 57 POUNDS OF ECSTASY
Flying high.
FUNNY PICTURES
Right-click on images to
Copy or Save.
One Ugly Toad
In Case You Need To Return It
Know What? Pumpkin Butt
Furniture For Tight Spaces
“Maybe We Ought To Move Back.” “Naw.”
Not Today, Bear!
THE BUZZ
WHEN LIFE GETS YOU DOWN
Is that what’s troubling you, bunky?
BIZARRE PUNISHMENTS
Submit!
CALLING SOMEONE BY THE WRONG NAME
Some solid advice.
GHOSTS ARE GOOD FOR YOU
Like, zoinks, man!
DUMB HEADLINES
Have listeners vote for the dumbest.
WORKPLACE GOSSIP
Spill the tea.
MOST UNUSUAL BABY NAMES
I had an Epihany.
TRENDING
NEW MOVIES
Click on name for details and audio clips
THE END OF OAK STREET
Starts Friday, August 14 in theaters.
THE BRINK OF WAR
Starts Friday, August 14 in theaters.
PAW PATROL – THE DINO MOVIE
Starts Friday, August 14 in theaters.
ONE NIGHT ONLY
Starts Friday, August 7 in theaters.
Click on the title to go to an mp3 player. To download the mp3, right-click on the player and choose the “Save audio as” option.
A & M AUTOLAND – Junkers
Junky cars … junky commercials!
WEED-B-SUFFER
Don’t just kill weeds – MAKE THEM PAY!
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, August 7.
PROMOS-TO-GO
Pre-produced ready-to-use show bumper donuts
A&M AUTOLAND – The Valve Store
Big Al has a little trouble using a dictionary.
FARMER BOB’S PETTING ZOO
Bring medical gloves and a HEPA mask.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, July 31.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
Funny fake sponsorship announcements
A & M AUTOLAND – Novelty Horns
You’ll be amazed how quick the novelty wears off.
DIARIA
With all the talk about you-know-what these day, here’s one from the library.
BUZZFEST
Who doesn’t like a good summer music festival?
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, July 24.
PROMOS-TO-GO
Pre-produced ready-to-use show bumper donuts
ALPHA-MALE BITS
Part of this new vicious breakfast.
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