NOBODY REMEMBERS THE ALAMO

Texas has a problem – nobody remembers the Alamo. The site in the heart of downtown San Antonio captures visitors’ attention, on average, for less than eight minutes. Texas wants to change that. Under a newly signed budget bill, the state is stepping in to provide $32 million to revive the iconic facade and resurrect the heroic tale using 21st century technology. “The Alamo is our top tourist destination, but honestly it’s underwhelming,” said Alamo Director Becky Bridges Dinnin. “We have not told the whole story. The Alamo defined the heart and soul of the West. It’s a snapshot of history.” Dinnin envisions the “new” Alamo employing a range of technologies to tell the story, as well as living historians or characters role-playing the Alamo experience, similar to Colonial Williamsburg – along with a new center to house an expansive collection on permanent display. Along with gardens and the church, the existing compound encompasses the Long Barracks site, the oldest building in the complex, and a visitor’s center built in the early 1930’s. Yet space is so tight, Dinnin says there are 30,000 to 40,000 artifacts not on display, including Santa Anna’s sword and musician Phil Collins’ collection of 200 Texas treasures donated last fall. The Collins collection includes the original Jim Bowie knife and a rifle used by Davy Crockett.
* Have they tried free ice cream?
* Sure – why look at it for eight minutes when you could take your time and see 40,000 artifacts? Sounds like fun.
* “Daddy, we’ve been here six hours! I have to pee!” “Quiet! We still have 28,000 artifacts to go!”
* They’re spending $32 million? Yeah, they should make that back on increased sales of coffee cups and refrigerator magnets in about 200 years.
* I want to see an audioanimatronic Phil Collins talking about his collection, while playing the drums.
* Yeah, “Remember the Alamo!”. Remember when Ozzy Osbourne peed on it?
* Maybe they can use some of that money for a protective polyurethane coating.
* Why not put it in the basement? (See clip)
* The Alamo drector said, “Honestly, it’s underwhelming”? Way to bring the hype.
* Say it’s understated in its elegance. Give us something we can work with.
* I thought the Alamo was where the Spurs used to play.
* Wait, that was the Alamodome. Never mind.
* I suppose it’s tough to compete with San Antonio’s fabulous River Walk.
CLIP: From Pee Wee’s Big Adventure: “There’s no basement at the Alamo.”