NASA NEEDS YOUR LAZY BUTT

NASA is currently looking for volunteers to participate in their “Rest Studies”, in which participants will have to spend 70 straight days in bed and smoke different types of cannabis, to study aggressive bodily atrophy. Participants are allowed to read books, Skype, play games, as well as smoke marijuana throughout the duration of the study. Pretty much anything is fair game, so long as you remain in bed. And, they’ll pay you $18,000. The experiments are designed to find ways of preserving astronauts’ health and safety during periods of extended space travel. “Head down” bed rest is a good way of simulating travel through zero gravity space. They also want to understand how marijuana will influence the body.
* Can I get the pay retroactively?
* NASA has been taken over by Rastafarians.
* Are we really going to Mars just so we can establish a grow house?
* So this is what our manned space program has come down to? A stoner in bed?
* “Houston, we have a bong hit.”
* The Russians have a program like this, but it’s centered around vodka.
* $18,000? Any extra compensation if you get bed sores?
* It’s 70 days but being constantly stoned will make it feel like 20 years.
* They’ve already selected the crew for the first Mars mission: Snoop Dogg and Willie Nelson.
* Forget Matt Damon in “The Martian.” “Snoop and Willie Go To Mars” is the movie I want to see.
* The only problem is convincing them they’re not on Mars already.