MONDAY, May 13 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR MONDAY, May 13, 2024
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TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing, or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

FROG JUMPING DAY
The Days of the Year website says this:
“National Frog Jumping Day has its roots in a charming blend of literature and tradition, celebrated annually on May 13. The story that sparked this whimsical holiday is ‘The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County,’ penned by Mark Twain in 1865. The actual event that further solidified this tradition is the Calaveras County Fair and Jumping Frog Jubilee, first held in 1893 in Copperopolis, California.

LEPRECHAUN DAY
The Days of the Year website says this:
“On this day, people pay homage to the mischievous and iconic leprechauns, famous for their hidden pots of gold and magical antics. These small, supernatural creatures are not just central to Irish folklore but have also become symbols of Irish culture around the world.”

NATIONAL APPLE PIE DAY

NATIONAL FRUIT COCKTAIL DAY

May is:

Chip Your Pet Month / Pet Month
Date Your Mate Month
International Civility Awareness Month
National Barbeque Month
National Bike Month
National Egg Month
National Hamburger Month
National Military Appreciation Month
National Salad Month
National Salsa Month
Older Americans Month

ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES

WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
Listings sourced from the TV Guide and EW websites

TUESDAY, May 14

“American Fiction”
Prime Video – Expanding from MGM+ streaming)
Synopsis: A Black professor, after finding little success as an academic author, writes a “Black book” packed with stereotypes as a joke only to see it become a critical and commercial success.

“Pillowcase Murders”
Paramount+ – New Docuseries
Synopsis: Reveals how serial killer Billy Chemirmir preyed upon the residents of high-end retirement communities across the Dallas, Texas, area.

WEDNESDAY, May 15

“Ashley Madison: Sex, Lies & Scandal”
Netflix – New Docuseries
Synopsis: When Ashley Madison, a dating site for people seeking adulterous affairs, is hacked, millions of users’ intimate data is exposed, wrecking marriages and destroying lives.

MISS HAWAII IS NEW MISS USA AFTER MISS UTAH QUIT

The Miss USA organization has named Miss Hawaii, Savannah Gankiewicz, as the new Miss USA after the current Miss USA, Noelia Voigt, suddenly quit last week. Gankiewicz, 28, was the runner-up at the Miss USA pageant last October and therefore is now fulfilling the duties the first Miss USA 2024 wouldn’t. Voigt’s resignation marks the first time in the pageant’s 72-year history that a titleholder voluntarily relinquished the crown.
* There was that attempted coup led by Miss Congeniality back in 1966, but no one talks about that.
* Miss Hawaii has been on a crash-training program to get in shape, doing special hand-waving exercises and practicing her smiling for 14 hours a day.
* After a frantic search, Miss Hawaii found her sash between the couch cushions.
* I’ve been stressed and on edge over this for days. And I know what they’re trying to do. They’re trying to lull me into a false sense of security that this crisis is over, but I’m not believing it for a minute. There’ll be another diabolical twist tomorrow, mark my words!!!
* Or – we’re all being played and this has been a big plot to get the “Miss USA” name in the news more times than it has been since 1952.

THE BUZZ

THE DUMBEST WAY YOU RUINED AN EXPENSIVE ITEM

Reddit asked, “What’s the dumbest way you’ve ever ruined an expensive item?” Some of the responses:
– “I put my AirPods through the washing machine.”
– “Put Dawn in the dishwasher as a kid. Totally destroyed my dad’s new floors.”
– “I tripped and fell on the open (brand new) dishwasher door. I had to order another one.”
– “I used the cheapest car-shipping people i could find moving from Hawaii to Colorado……. Now $4,000 into repairs for the car and got $3500 left before its road safe again.”
– “I’ve managed to lose every nice expensive pair of sunglasses I’ve ever owned. The last was a $300 pair, and I loved them, and I lost them in the ocean the very first time I wore them at the beach.”
– “Leaned backward laughing and my head nudged an antique glass vase out of an open window and 3 stories onto the pavement below.”
– “When I was 17 I went to the mall and bought a new jacket. In the parking lot I lit a joint and a seed in it popped and landed on the jacket burning a hole in it. Had it maybe 10 minutes.”
– “I dropped a Yu-gi-oh card, worth about $70. I managed to catch it before it hit the floor by squeezing my legs together. I caught the card, but put a big crease in it right down the middle.”
– “I used my wife’s $300 Hair Salon scissors to hold on to the strings of my guitar.”
* PHONE TOPIC: What’s the dumbest way you’ve ruined an expensive item?

U.S. NEWS

NAKED MAN WALKS THE STREETS OF BURLINGTON, VERMONT

A naked man has been walking around the city of Burlington, Vermont. He was spotted several times in the downtown area. Apparently, it’s legal to be naked in public in Vermont, as long as the person doesn’t disrobe in public or harass anyone. The man identified himself only as Joseph, and said he’s doing it to reinvent his life, to create “a new life vision.” Joseph says, “So, I’m thinking, what are my top three priorities? If I could dream of any kind of life that I want? And yes, going nude in public was one of my top three.”
* But #2 was “ride on a train” and #3 was “learn to play chess.” What the hell, guy?
* Unfortunately, everybody else’s dream life was to never see Joseph walking around naked.
* Maybe he was looking for the Burlington Coat Factory.
* No one’s sure if he’ll be walking nude this week. It depends on the strength of those ‘shrooms he took last week.
* I’d say “Let’s check back with Joseph in six months and see how his new life vision is working out,” but it’ll probably be really sad.

MIAMI BEACH GETS A ROLLS-ROYCE POLICE CAR

Miami Beach Police unveiled Florida’s first police luxury car – a Rolls-Royce cop car. In truth, though, the car is just a prop and no taxpayer money was used. The vehicle is actually owned by the local Rolls-Royce dealership, which also covered all associated costs decking the car out to look like a cop car. The expensive car is part of an effort – not sure how – to get people to join the police force. Miami Beach Police Chief Wayne Jones says, “Recruiting police officers in this country today is a difficult thing to do. Using this car to help us do recruitment is gonna be great.”
* Do a lot of millionaire kids want to be beat cops? I didn’t know that was a thing.
* “Join the Miami Police. We have a nice car, which isn’t ours.”
* “Law Enforcement – It’s the Rolls-Royce of Careers.” Yeah, that’s not gonna work.
* How about “Admire our Rolls-Royce police car. On your cop salary, it’s the closest you’ll ever get to one.”
* This is the point in the movie when Will Smith and Martin Lawrence take the car out for a promotional appearance and end up in a violent car chase with a paint truck.

AUDIO: WHOLE FOODS HAS PLAN TO MAKE ITSELF MORE AFFORDABLE

Whole Foods. Who can afford to shop there, huh? Whole Foods hears you. The CEO of Whole Foods has announced huge business changes that could save shoppers some money on groceries. CEO Jason Buechal has come up with a plan to fight inflation. Buechal revealed Whole Foods would be expanding its generic brands, which are labeled under the 365 brand, to offer more affordable options and “minimize” the impact of inflation. The CEO said he wants customers to “appreciate the work that goes into” how they source food with the 365 expansion.
* If you are planning on shopping generic, Whole Foods asks that you please park in the back.
* Do the generic veal chops come from generic baby lambs?
* The “365” brand. Hmm. Doesn’t quite make as convincing a case as Walmart’s “Great Value” brand.
* I know how to lower prices, but CEO Jason Buechal and all the other executive vice-presidents aren’t gonna like it.
* The ball’s in your court, Trader Joe’s.
CLIP: Our classic “A-Whole Foods” parody spot.
CLIP URL: morningsidekick(dot)com/prep/wp-content/uploads/05-18-AWholeFood(dot)mp3

INTERNATIONAL

MAN READS WEBSITE PRIVACY POLICY, WINS BOTTLE OF WINE

The head of a boring little UK organization called the Tax Policy Association thought it was stupid that they were required to post one of those boring website privacy policy paragraphs about permissions and cookies and advertising. He wanted to see if anybody actually read it. So, in the middle of the boring verbage her slipped in the sentence: “We’ll send a bottle of good wine to the first person to read this.” For three months, the offer just sat there. Then someone sent an email to Tax Policy Associates asking about the wine. They had a winner, who received a bottle of Château de Sales 2013, which sells from anywhere between $25 – $55 a bottle. The winner was someone trying to write a privacy policy and was actually reading examples from other organizations. Dan Neidle, the man who posted the privacy paragraph with the wine offer, said he got the idea from the band Van Halen, who famously used to ask for a bowl of M&Ms with all the brown ones removed in its tour rider to see if anyone was paying attention to the technical instructions in the document.
* Those wild guys at the Tax Policy Association rock!
* It’s no secret that it helps to be a little drunk to get through those privacy things.

TRENDING

STEVE BUSCEMI PUNCHED IN THE FACE

Actor Steve Buscemi is reportedly okay after he was punched in the face by a man on a New York City street. The 66-year-old star of “Fargo” and “Boardwalk Empire” was assaulted last Wednesday morning in Manhattan and taken to a nearby hospital with bruising, swelling and bleeding to his left eye. The police department said there were no arrests and the investigation was continuing. (* Nope. The jokes are too easy. Not gonna make any.)

CHRISSY, ORIGINAL JAWS VICTIM, DIES

Susan Backlinie, former actress and stuntwoman best-known for her role as Chrissie Watkins, the first shark victim in “Jaws,” died early Saturday morning at her home in Ventura, California. She did not die in a boating accident. She was 77. Backlinie’s role took three days to film. She was secured into a harness at the waist as the crew pulled her back and forth in the water.
* At least she lived longer than the Kintner boy.
CLIP: “This is not a boat accident.”
CLIP URL: morningsidekick(dot)com/prep/wp-content/uploads/ThisIsNotABoatAccident(dot)mp3

MOST POPULAR NAMES OF 2023

According to the Social Security Administration, here are the Most Popular Baby Names of 2023:
Most popular names for boys: Liam, Noah, Oliver, James, Elijah, Mateo, Theodore, Henry, Lucas, William
Most popular names for girls: Olivia, Emma, Charlotte, Amelia, Sophia, Mia, Isabella, Ava, Evelyn, Luna

WEEKEND BOX OFFICE (May 10-12)

1. Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes – $55 million
2. The Fall Guy – $14 million
3. Challengers – $5 million
4. Tarot – $3.2 million
5. Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire $2.6 million

ALMANAC

NOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

May 27, Monday – Memorial Day
June 14, Friday – Flag Day
June 16, Sunday – Father’s Day
June 20, Thursday – Summer begins (The June solstice occurs at 4:50 P.M. EST)

BIRTHDAYS

Robert Pattinson (actor, “The Batman”, “Twilight” movies) … 38
Lena Dunham (actress, writer, producer, director, “Girls”) … 38
Mickey Madden (bassist with Maroon 5) … 45
Darius Rucker (singer w/ Hootie and the Blowfish) … 58
Stephen Colbert (host of CBS’s “Late Night”) … 60
Dennis Rodman (kooky former NBA player) … 63
Stevie Wonder (singer/songwriter) … 74
Harvey Keitel (actor) … 85

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“Sometimes just when I say hello the right way, I’m like, ‘Whoa, I’m so cool.'”

(A) Joe Biden
(B) Pope Francis
(C) Robert Pattinson

ANSWER: (C) Robert Pattinson

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

2003 – The U.S. government unveiled a new version of the $20 bill – the first to be colorized in an effort to thwart counterfeiters.
* I just don’t think Andrew Jackson looks very presidential wearing a plaid sportcoat.

1821 – Samuel Rust of New York City patented the first practical printing press to be manufactured in the U.S.
* To be followed shortly thereafter by the first girlie magazines.

1607 – The English colony at Jamestown, Va., was settled.
* By brave souls who crossed hundreds of miles of ocean in primitive boats – just to get away from British food.

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2008 – The US Postal Service issued a 42-cent postage stamp in honor of Frank Sinatra. The design showed a 1950s-vintage image of Sinatra, wearing a hat.

2003 – Michael Jackson launched a court case suing Motown Records. He filed the lawsuit in LA, saying he hadn’t been paid royalties due for the music he did with the Jackson Five in the 60s and 70s. The singer also claimed his music has been used in TV ads without his permission.

2002 – Soul singer Dionne Warwick was arrested after baggage screeners at Miami International Airport allegedly found 11 suspected marijuana cigarettes in a lipstick container. The charges against her were later dropped.

1985 – Bruce Springsteen married Julianne Phillips at Lake Oswego, Oregon. Julianne filed for divorce on Aug. 30th, 1988.

1979 – David Lee Roth from Van Halen collapsed on stage during a concert in Spokane, Washington.

1971 – On his twenty-first birthday, Stevie Wonder received his childhood earnings. Sort of. Despite having earned $30 million so far, he received only $1 million.

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. 1 out of 9 people surveyed say they have missed work to do THIS. What is it?
Spend more time with their pet

2. 12% of Americans say they have used THIS as an excuse for arriving late for work. What is it?
They cut themselves shaving

13% of workers will do THIS at work and regret it. What is it?
Eat something from the vending machine

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