Today Is…
Anything special being celebrated or commemorated today? Find out here!
TODAY’S ALMANAC
Birthdays, Upcoming Holidays, This Day in History and Music
TODAY’S TRIVIA
Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three obscure facts.
ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES
“THE ODYSSEY” IN IMAX: ONLY 25 THEATERS
And they’re all sold out.
DISNEY REBOOTS MICKEY MOUSE CLUB
And doing it without a net.
“TODAY SHOW” INTRUDER LUNGES AT CRAIG MELVIN
Who coulda forecast this, right Al Roker?
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
MONOPOLY: THE TV SHOW
Not a CHANCE I’ll be watching this.
WORLD CUP AI PREDICTOR IS DEAD ON
They all laughed.
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
THE IDEAL LENGTH FOR A MOVIE: 88 MINUTES
Or half an Odyssey.
JOKE OF THE DAY
Suggestion: Post the joke on your website. Boost clicks by having listeners call in and tell the Joke of the Day to win a prize.
A wife was giving birth and having a difficult time with it.
Her husband said “I’m sorry you’re in such pain. I wish I could help.” She says, “It’s OK. It’s not your fault.”
Why do ballerinas love the number four?
Tutus.
Wife is out in the backyard, pulling weeds in the hot sun.
Husband comes out, says, “What’s for dinner?” She’s a little angry. She says, “Pretend I’m out of town, go make dinner yourself.” Guy goes inside, cooks up a beautiful steak, baked potato and a beer. Wife comes in. Says, “Where’s my dinner?” Husband says, “I thought you were out of town.”
What do cannibals eat instead of sushi?
Ramen.
Woman finds her husband sobbing.
She asks what’s the matter, Husband says, “My mom just died.” Wife says, Oh, I sorry, honey.” He says, “Maybe you can tell me a joke to cheer me up.” She goes, “OK. Knock knock.” Husband says, “Who’s there”? Wife says, “Not your mother.”
U.S. NEWS
STANDARD TIME VS. DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME
A long time coming.
SCHOOL TO BE FIRST TO GET HUMANOID ROBOT TEACHER
Danger, Will Robinson!
CAT LEADS COPS TO SUSPECT
Cat —-> Burglar
MILITARY TO BEGIN TESTOSTERONE CHECKS
This is perfectly ok.
TEXAS WOMAN FLOODS APARTMENT PRACTICING POLE DANCING
There are easier ways to wash down the pole.
FLORIDA RESTAURANT OFFERS PIZZA FOR A PYTHON
Hold the anchovies.
INTERNATIONAL NEWS
WOMAN CAUGHT SMUGGLING PYTHON IN HER BRA
Snakes in a Bra on a Plane.
WORLD CUP: A STRANGE COINCIDENCE
Lionel Messi (ARG) once gave Lamine Yamal (ESP) a bath.
BEAR STEALS GOLFER’S CLUBS
That’s a gimme.
BRITISH AIR CREW PARTIES HARD BEFORE FLIGHT
Can you blame them?
MAN PARTIALLY SUCKED OUT OF AIRPLANE WINDOW
Oh, Boeing, you’ve done it again, you little scamp.
MUSEUM SPREADS PEANUT BUTTER ON THE FLOOR TO HONOR LATE ARTIST
Vincent Van Skippy.
SKELETON IN A WETSUIT WASHES UP ON SHORE
Gnarly, brah.
MAN SURVIVES LION ATTACK BY PETTING IT
Who’s a good girl?
FUNNY PICTURES
Right-click on images to
Copy or Save.
Being A Model Must Be So Glamourous
You Know They Designed It This Way
Yes, But It’s Still Broccoli
Give It To The Floating Guy, Dummy!
Before Photobombing, There Was Paintingbombing
Merge Traffic Ahead
THE BUZZ
SPIDER SPEEDS
There’s one on your shoulder right now.
MY CHEAP PARENTS
Tightwads.
DUMB HEADLINES
Have listeners vote for the dumbest.
AHH, THE RICH
The stinkin’ rich.
FALLING ASLEEP TO MUSIC
Zzzzzz.
ANNOYING PHRASES
These ones.
DUMBEST EXCUSE FOR A BREAKUP
Typical Logan.
TRENDING
NEW MOVIES
Click on name for details and audio clips
THE ODYSSEY
Starts Friday, July 17 in theaters.
MOANA
Starts Friday, July 10 in theaters.
EVIL DEAD BURN
Starts Friday, July 10 in theaters.
THE INVITE
Starts Friday, July 10 in theaters.
Click on the title to go to an mp3 player. To download the mp3, right-click on the player and choose the “Save audio as” option.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, July 17.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
Funny fake sponsorship announcements
A & M AUTOLAND – Christmas In July
‘Tis the season to be stupid.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, July 10,
PROMOS-TO-GO
Pre-produced ready-to-use show bumper donuts
A & M AUTOLAND- The Bed Bunker
If at first you don’t succeed – at selling cars – try selling something else.
LAWN DIRECTOR
Be the first on your block to have a blockbuster lawn.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, July 3.
SONIC BOOMERS
For when you’re tired of fireworks that just go boom.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
Funny fake sponsorship announcements
A & M AUTOLAND – 4th of July
Big Mike wishes he could declare independence – from Big Al.
NEWSSTAND FIREWORKS 2026
Explosive headlines!
BI-PARTISAN BIDET (CLEAN VERSION)
Stay clean no matter which way you lean!
BI-PARTISAN BIDET (UNCENSORED VERSION)
Warning: This is the naughty version.
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