MAN IMPRISONED FOR POACHING VENUS FLYTRAPS

A North Carolina man was sentenced to at least six months in prison after he removed nearly 1,000 Venus Flytrap plants from public game lands. A jury found 23-year-old Paul Simmons Jr. guilty. A judge sentenced him Tuesday to six months to 17 months in prison. Venus Flytraps only grow in wetlands in southeast North Carolina and northeast South Carolina. The carnivorous plants trap bugs to survive. They are protected, and poaching them was made a felony in North Carolina in December 2014. Simmons was caught by a wildlife officer with 970 plants in his vehicle in January 2015 at the Holly Shelter Game Land.
* Felony Botany. That’s one helluva charge.
* He should have used the Zika defense: “Your honor, I was just trying to keep mosquitoes from biting me.”
* Wait – is that the western part of southeast North Carolina or the eastern part of northwest South Carolina?
* It’s a little awkward but I could still see a band named the Venus Flytrap Poachers.
* Just call them VFP on the album.
* There’s another one of those unlikely estimates. “How many plants did you find on him, Johnson?” “Nearly a thousand, sir.”
* Then the chief says, “Damn it, Johnson. If we’re going to put a man away for half a year, we need to know exactly how many plants he took. Get back out there and count them.” “Yes, sir.”
* My question is how in the hell did these plants get here from Venus?