MAN FOUND HALF-DEAD IN BEAR CAVE

(This story comes from the Siberian Times and, despite photographs of the man, there’s no real verification of the story.)
In Russia’s remote region of Tuva, a man was found in a bear cave, supposedly dragged there by the bear to be eaten later. A group of local hunters found the man, named Alexander, after their dogs refused to leave the area of the den. Their persistent barking pushed the hunters to check inside the cave where they found a barely-alive man (* Or BEAR-ly alive!). He was rushed to the local hospital and has been diagnosed with a broken spine and severe emaciation. Alexander remembers his first name but not his age, and says he was in the den for around one month, drinking urine to survive. Alexander said, “The bear preserved me as food for later.”
* Or worse.
* I keep waiting for the punchline, “You don’t come here for the hunting, do you my friend.”
* So the bear never noticed that the longer he waited, the skinnier the guy got? Stupid bear.
* Is the man’s last name “Di Caprio”?
* This is the worst bear experience since that “Yogi Bear” movie.
* Why didn’t he use the Force to grab his lightsaber and fight his way out, like Luke Skywalker in the Wampa cave?