JEALOUS GIRLFRIEND CONDIMENTIZES CARS

A Decatur, Illinois, woman, furious at her two-timing boyfriend and his other girlfriend, covered both of their cars completely in a mixture of ketchup and mayonnaise. Chantil Dawson, 22, is also accused of extensively scratching both vehicles, slashing two tires on each and smashing their rear view mirrors. The 36-year-old boyfriend told police he believed it was an act of revenge because, earlier in the week, Dawson had stayed the night at his home. While they were together, the other girlfriend had stopped by and began knocking on the door and windows, but the boyfriend did not answer because he was with Dawson. After the damage to the cars was done, the boyfriend allegedly received a tweet from Dawson that said in part: “… Bet y’all got a surprise when y’all wake up.” When he texted her back and asked her why she had vandalized the cars, she allegedly replied: “Because I can.” Dawson now faces two counts of criminal damage to the cars, which may exceed $10,000.
* Ketchup and mayonnaise? What – too cheap to add pickles?
* On the bright side, at least their windows were rolled up.
* She sounds like a demon from Hell … man’s.
* Dang – now I want a burger.
* The sudden outbursts are scary enough, but rage that lasts this long? That’s truly psycho.
* She’ll probably have to pay the $10,000 to have the cars repaired – plus she’s already out $27 for all the ketchup and mayo.
* I could just hear the guy: “Well, I suppose this rules out a threesome.”
* A mixture of ketchup and mayonnaise? Sounds like assault with a Thousand Island dressing.
* That reminds me: What’s the difference between Russian Dressing and Thousand Island. Life is so confusing.
* Now Dawson is up the creek.