GUY LIED ABOUT BEAR ATTACK

A Pohatcong, New Jersey, man is being charged for making up a story that he was attacked by a large bear and wasting police, emergency and wildlife resources for hours. On August 3rd, Jeffrey Wilson, 57, reported to 911 a black bear, estimated to be 500 pounds, ran over and began swatting at him. The man told police he was feeding cats outside during the time of the attack. When officers arrived, they found Wilson bleeding from the left arm. Wilson told officers the bear then fled into a corn field behind his property. Conservation officers looked unsuccessfully for the bear. Detectives said the injuries were not consistent with an animal attack. It was determined that Wilson’s injuries did not come from a bear encounter. They instead were determined to be pre-existing from a non-related accident that happened the evening of Aug. 2, according to police. It is not known why he lied about the bear.
* Because it sounds better than “The cats ganged up on me for more food.”
* What an idiot. These days, you’re supposed to blame Pokemon Go.
* This is validation for the all the times we asked, “Okay, what really happened?”
* Now the local bear population is thinking about suing.
* “Yes, officer, it was at least 400 … no wait, 500 pounds!”
* “It was terrifying. The bear picked me up and twirled me around like I was a rag doll.”
* “This bear is smart, too. It purposely scratched me in a way that wouldn’t look like a bear attack.”
* Now watch what happens. He really will get attacked by a bear and nobody will take it seriously.