FRIDAY, Mar 8 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR FRIDAY, March 8, 2024
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COMEDY MP3s POSTED ON OUR PREP SITE FOR TODAY: THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS

TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing, or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY

NATIONAL BE NASTY DAY

NATIONAL PEANUT CLUSTER DAY

NATIONAL PROOFREADING DAY

U.N. DAY FOR WOMEN’S RIGHTS & INTERNATIONAL PEACE

March is:

Adopt a Rescued Guinea Pig Month
American Red Cross Month
Employee Spirit Month
Expanding Girls’ Horizons in Science and Engineering Month
Gender Equality Month
Irish-American Heritage Month
National Craft Month
National Women Inventors Month
National Women’s History Month
Read an E-Book Month

ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES

OPRAH TO DISCUSS HER WEIGHT ON TV SPECIAL

Oprah is gifting the world a TV special where she will discuss her weight. “An Oprah Special: Shame, Blame and the Weight Loss Revolution” is set to air in a couple weeks. The show will address new medications and their relation to the weight loss revolution. The special comes only weeks after she parted ways with WeightWatchers following a nearly 10-year partnership, leaving the weight loss company that promotes diet and exercise, and revealing she uses a weight loss drug.
* Wow. Way to throw an entire corporation under the bus.
* How can this just be a primetime special? With Oprah’s weight journey, it needs to be a miniseries. Two seasons, at least.
* Will she show how she takes Weight Watchers pictures when she’s skinny, and then uses those for promotion the rest of the year while she piles it back on?
* I want a special where William Shatner discusses his hair and whether it’s real. He’s 92! Let go of it and let us know!

MADONNA’S FIRST WORD ON EMERGING FROM A COMA

Madonna says she had a “near-death experience” when she was hospitalized and induced into a coma last summer. During a concert in Los Angeles on Monday night, she said, “This summer I had a surprise. It’s called a near-death experience. Obviously, I didn’t know for four days, because I was in an induced coma,” she explained. “But when I woke up, the first word I said was, ‘No.’ Anyway, that’s what my assistant tells me.”
* Yeah, her assistant also told her it was a good idea to shave her eyebrows for six months last year.
* Her coma was a timeless, blank nothingness. Like when you’re in the audience waiting for Madonna to take the stage and she’s already two hours late.
* I’d have thought Madonna’s first word would have been “publicity.”
* Maybe she was trying to say another word. Nobody? Nordstrom’s? Nogales? Nosehairs?
* You can tell how rich Madonna is. She just mentions her coma offhandedly on stage, instead of going for a special 90-minute Oprah interview.

AUDIO: HARRISON FORD: “INDIANA JONES” THEME WAS PLAYING DURING HIS COLONOSCOPY

Harrison Ford revealed that he can’t escape the music of John Williams, who wrote the famous music for the “Indiana Jones” and “Star Wars” movies. Ford says, “As I often remind John, his music follows me everywhere I go — literally. When I had my last colonoscopy, they were playing it on the operating room speakers.”
* Somebody needs to tell him you’re supposed to be unconscious when you get colonoscopies.
* What was the doctor looking for up there, the Sankara Stones from the Temple of Doom?
* It didn’t help that, during the colonoscopy, the doc kept yelling, “It belongs in a museum!” (see below)
* And Harrison was yelling, “They’re digging in the wrong place!”
* Could have been worse. Could have been the theme from “Ender’s Game.”
* I believe this story first appeared on an entertainment website called Hollywood A-holes.
CLIP: The Indiana Jones says “It belongs in a museum!”
CLIP URL: morningsidekick(dot)com/prep/wp-content/uploads/IndianaJones-BelongsInAMuseum(dot)mp3
CLIP: The Indiana Jones theme.
CLIP URL: morningsidekick(dot)com/prep/wp-content/uploads/03-16-IndianaJonesTheme(dot)mp3

RUPERT MURDOCH, 92, TO MARRY AGAIN

Beloved media mogul Rupert Murdoch is getting married again at the age of 92. Mr. Murdoch’s office says that he plans to marry his girlfriend, Elena Zhukova, 67 – a retired molecular biologist who studied diabetes at the University of California, Los Angeles – whom he started dating last summer. The wedding, scheduled for June, would be the fifth marriage for Murdoch. After he divorced Jerry Hall, the model and ex-wife of Mick Jagger, in the summer of 2022, he became engaged to Ann Lesley Smith, a retired dental hygienist, in the spring of 2023. He abruptly broke off that engagement, however, after about two weeks. He met the latest future Mrs. Murdoch through his third wife, Wendi Deng. Murdoch’s office says the wedding invitations have already gone out.
* What do you get the man who has everything, including the testicles of every conservative politician in the world in his pocket?
* You can only be a molecular biologist for so long before you think, how can I make some real money?
* The couple is registered at Lungmasters Portable Oxygen Tanks, and at the adult diaper section of Target.
* He’s 92, she’s 67, and their flower girl is 53.
* Nothing helps you get away with being named “Rupert” like having $20 billion.

THE BUZZ

MORE ADVICE

Reddit asked, “What’s a piece of advice you’ve received that initially seemed strange but turned out to be remarkably insightful?” Some of the responses:
– “Show me who your friends are and I’ll show you who you are. That quote saved me from a whole group of bad people and changed my life.”
– “My first boss told me just before firing me: you know how to work efficiently, but you don’t know how to look like you are working efficiently. Later in life hit me: people will look for percieved value even more than the real one you give.”
– “When you move the first thing you set up is your bedroom. When everything is chaos and you’re exhausted from moving boxes all day you have a place to crash that is ready for you.”
– “You need to get out of your own way.”
– “If someone is trying to intimidate you, stare at them confidently and say nothing. They will back off. I use it all the time on people now.”
– “Be careful of a funny man, he’ll laugh you into bed.”
– “If it was easy, everyone would do it.”
– “”Dump her back!” – my grandfather. His response when I told him my girlfriend broke up with me for another guy. I thought ‘Wtf?’ A few months later she tried to reconcile. I dumped her back.”
– “Add cinnamon to ground beef. It tastes great.”
– “Everyone gets told at least once in their life to just be yourself. And almost every teenager will do anything to fit in, which usually results in doing the exact opposite. It’s only later in life when most people realize that being yourself will indeed make you the happiest.”
* PHONE TOPIC: Do you remember any advice that made sense once you were older? Do you like cinnamon on ground beef?

U.S. NEWS

TIRE FALLS OFF AIRPLANE ON TAKEOFF

A United Airlines flight lost one of its tires during takeoff from San Francisco on Thursday, causing the Japan-bound plane to be diverted to Los Angeles, the airline said. The flight landed without incident at Los Angeles International Airport. The tire debris landed in an employee parking lot at the airport. and damaged at least one car in the parking lot. And now, the information you’ve been waiting for: The tire was one of 12 on the — wait for it — Boeing 777-200’s two main landing gear struts but, according to United, “The aircraft is designed to land safely with missing or damaged tires.”
* So they’re designing the planes to fall apart now?
* “We used the lug nuts from the tire to secure the door on the side of the plane. Where else were we supposed to get them?”
* They have to land short one tire anyway, so why not just go ahead and fly to Japan? ‘Cause that wouldn’t ruin every passenger’s day, that’s why.
* Wait’ll that poor schlub from Jamba Juice gets off the airport employee parking lot shuttle and sees his car with an airplane tire lodged in the windshield. Gonna be a tough drive home.
* What can we do to get Boeing to get their act together? How about every time there’s an incident, the Boeing CEO has to undress, cover himself in peanut butter, and spend an afternoon at the nearest dog park?

BATHROOM GRAFFITI CAUSES SCHOOL LOCKDOWN

Students at Fairmont High School in Dayton, Ohio, went on lockdown Monday after AN INAPPROPRIATE MESSAGE was found on the bathroom wall. Students were made to stay in their classrooms, teachers had to limit hallway passes, an email was sent to parents about the message. The email clears up the miscommunication that the school was on lockdown. The school wouldn’t say what the message was, just that it was just inappropriate, and that it wasn’t a threat to anyone in the building. However, one grandmother found it just a bit unsettling, telling a local news reporter, “It’s pretty scary. But I know God’s in control. And that’s just my faith. I pray every day with my grandkids and their friends when I take them to school every single day.”
* I hope the grandma is praying for that poor kid in the bathroom who was just sitting there, all broken hearted, and is now short one dime.
* Have we really gotten to a point where bathroom graffiti will lockdown a school?
* Actually, at this point they would lockdown a school if the message hurt someone’s feelings.
* Maybe the message was answers to an algebra test?
* These students should feel ashamed of themselves. Not one of them texted what the message was so we could know?
* Here is some classic graffiti that – we think – is safe enough for broadcast radio:
– “They paint these walls to hide my pen / But the bathroom poet has struck again!”
– “Our aim is to keep the bathroom clean, your aim will help.”
– “We aim to please!! You aim too, please?”
– “Don’t look up here, the joke is in your hand.”
– “Here I sit my buns a flexin’, giving birth to another Texan.”
– “Here I sit in stinking vapors, wishing for some toilet papers.”
– “No toilet paper? Do not linger / Robinson Crusoe used his finger.”
– “It’s no use standing on the seat / The crabs in here can jump six feet.”
– “No matter how you shake your peg / the last drop always rolls down ya leg.”
– “No matter if you shake or dance / the last drop ends up on your pants.”
– “This is where Napolean beat his Bonaparte.”

INTERNATIONAL NEWS

WORLD’S LARGEST CRUISE BOAT RESCUES 14 PEOPLE

The crew of the new world’s largest cruise ship rescued 14 people clinging to a small boat adrift on the ocean. The new Icon of the Seas was headed for Honduras from Miami when they encountered the small vessel “adrift and in need of assistance.” The people on the tiny craft waved a large white flag. The liner turned around and launched a small zodiac-type rescue boat to investigate and transfer the 14 people, who had been stranded at sea for eight days. The Icon of the Seas can host 5,610 guests and 2,350 crew members. The ship has 2,850 staterooms, 18 guest decks and seven swimming pools.
* But, being a cruise ship, they did make the 14 people wait in the casino.
* I hope they weren’t trying to get away from Honduras.
* Did any of those 5,610 guests look at those poor people in the boat, then look around at the cruise ship and think, “What’s wrong here?”
* If not for the courage of the fearless crew, those people would be lost. Those people would be lost.

TRENDING

MIKE TYSON MUST NEED MONEY, WILL FIGHT JAKE PAUL

YouTuber-turned-boxer Jake Paul will fight former heavyweight champion Mike Tyson. Paul, 27, and Tyson, 57, will battle July 20 in a bout that will air on Netflix. Says Jake Paul: “I’m stepping up to face Tyson .. to see if I have what it takes to beat one of boxing’s most notorious fighters and biggest icons.” Says Mike Tyson: “He’s grown significantly as a boxer over the years, so it will be a lot of fun to see what the will and ambition of a ‘kid’ can do with the experience and aptitude of a GOAT.”

ALMANAC

NOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

March 10, Sunday – Daylight Saving Time Begins
March 17, Sunday – St. Patrick’s Day
March 19, Tuesday – Spring begins, Spring Equinox is 11:06 p.m. EDT
March 20, Wednesday – First full day of Spring
March 31, Sunday – Easter
April 1, Monday – April Fools Day
April 15, Monday – U.S. Tax Day
May 12, Sunday – Mother’s Day
May 27, Monday – Memorial Day

BIRTHDAYS

Nick Zano (actor, “Obliterayed,” “Legends of Tomorrow”) … 46
James Van Der Beek (actor, “CSI: Cyber”, “Dawson’s Creek) … 47
Freddie Prinze, Jr. (actor) … 48
Andrea Parker (actress, “Pretty Little Liars”) … 54
Camryn Mannheim (actress, “Person of Interest”, “The Practice”) … 63
Lester Holt (NBC News anchor) … 65
Gary Numan (musician/singer, “Cars”) … 66
Mickey Dolenz (singer and drummer with The Monkees) … 79

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“On more than one occasion, the camera has cut to me after a break as I’m still trying to swallow the last bite of cookie.”

(A) Rachael Ray
(B) Guy Fieri
(C) Lester Holt

ANSWER: (C) Lester Holt

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

2008 – President George W. Bush vetoed a bill that would have banned the CIA from waterboarding.
* He didn’t want to veto it, but Dick Cheney kept waterboarding him.

2001 – The Republican-controlled House voted for President George W. Bush’s across-the-board tax cut of nearly $1 trillion over the next decade.
* This is why we all have so much more money now.

1994 – The U.S. Defense Department announced a smoking ban in workplaces.
* I wonder what became of all the $20,000 Defense Department ashtrays?

1927 – Archaeologists in Iran discovered a 5,000 year-old manicure kit.
* Nowadays an Iranian manicure is when they chop your hands off for stealing.

1917 – The Russian (Communist) Revolution began.
* The evil, hated Czar was overthrown and Communist leader Lenin made sure that every Russian family was given something they’d treasure forever. Their own potato.

1913 – The United States government started to levy and collect income tax.
* And the following day, a stand-up comic told the very first IRS joke.

1887 – The telescopic fishing rod, made of steel tubes inside one another, was patented by Everett Horton.
* Later popularized by Ron Popeil.

1790 – George Washington delivered the first State of the Union address.
* And without a teleprompter.

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2021 – Country music singer Morgan Wallen was at No.1 on the U.S. album chart with his second studio album “Dangerous: The Double Album.” In March 2022, the album established the all-time record for the longest duration at the No.1 spot (98 weeks and counting) on Billboard’s Country Albums chart.

2016 – English record producer, arranger, composer, conductor, audio engineer and musician, Sir George Martin died aged 90. He worked as EMI records in-house record producer and became known as the so-called fifth Beatle. Martin produced all but one of The Beatles albums giving him 30 No.1 hit singles in the UK and 23 No.1 hits in the US. He also produced many other acts including: Jeff Beck, Kenny Rogers, Cheap Trick, Elton John and Celine Dion.

2016 – AC/DC postponed the rest of their current U.S. tour after singer Brian Johnson was warned he was going deaf. The band posted a statement on their website saying doctors had advised Johnson to stop touring immediately or risk total hearing loss.

2003 – Former Dire Straits frontman Mark Knopfler was injured when the Honda motorbike he was riding was involved in a collision with a Fiat Punto car. The 53-year-old singer and guitarist suffered a broken collar bone and six broken ribs in the accident which happened in London’s smart Belgravia district in mid-morning traffic.

1990 – In Rolling Stone Magazine’s awards, Cher won the worst dressed female, and worst video for “If I Could Turn Back Time,” Donny Osmond won the most unwelcome comeback award.

1986 – Whitney Houston went to No.1 on the U.S. album chart with her self-titled album. It spent a total of 14 weeks at the No.1 position.

1975 – Olivia Newton-John went to No.1 on the U.S. singles chart with “Have You Ever Been Mellow,” the singer’s second U.S. No.1.

1973 – Paul McCartney was fined $170 for growing cannabis at his farm in Campbeltown, Scotland. McCartney claimed some fans gave the seeds to him and that he didn’t know what they would grow.

1973 – Ron Mckernan, keyboard player with The Grateful Dead, died at age 27 from liver failure brought on by alcohol poisoning.

1970 – Diana Ross made her first performance as a solo act when she appeared in Framingham, Massachusetts.

1965 – David Bowie made his TV debut with The Manish Boys on a British program called “Gadzooks! It’s All Happening” when they performed their current single “I Pity The Fool.”

1962 – The Beatles made their radio debut on a British pop show singing Roy Orbison’s “Dream Baby.”

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. According to a recent survey, it takes the average person 1 hour and 2 minutes to do THIS. What is it?
Get ready in the morning for their day

2. On average, we spend just over 40 minutes doing THIS every day. What is it?
Eating

3. According to recent research, doing THIS for 60 minutes each week can make you almost 55% happier. What is it?
Cleaning

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