FRIDAY, Mar 29 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR FRIDAY, March 29, 2024
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COMEDY MP3s POSTED ON OUR PREP SITE FOR TODAY: THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS

TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing, or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

KNIGHTS OF COLUMBUS FOUNDERS DAY

NATIONAL LEMON CHIFFON CAKE DAY

NATIONAL MOM AND POP BUSINESS OWNERS DAY

SMOKE AND MIRRORS DAY
The Days Of The Year website says this:
“Deceit! Deception! Celebrate these and all other types of trickery with Smoke And Mirrors Day, the festival dedicated to the art of fraudulent cunning. The phrase ‘It’s all smoke and mirrors’ refers to the way in which magicians use all manner of distraction to make sure the audience fails to see what’s really going on. The more complex the artifice, the more successfully the magician will get away with it. The most obvious example of smoke and mirrors is ‘legalese,’ that incredibly convoluted language that lawyers use to make sure that no-one else understands what’s happening. Politicians have been known to try that sort of thing too.”

VIETNAM WAR VETERANS DAY

March is:

Adopt a Rescued Guinea Pig Month
American Red Cross Month
Employee Spirit Month
Expanding Girls’ Horizons in Science and Engineering Month
Gender Equality Month
Irish-American Heritage Month
National Craft Month
National Women Inventors Month
National Women’s History Month
Read an E-Book Month

ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES

JERRY SEINFELD’S POP-TART MOVIE HAS RELEASED ITS FIRST TRAILER

The first trailer for “Unfrosted,” an upcoming Netflix movie about the Pop-Tart written by, directed by and starring Jerry Seinfeld, has been released. You can see the trailer on YouTube and about a hundred other outlets. While the trailer actually is funny, more impressive is the cast. Here’s who’s listed: Jerry Seinfeld, Melissa McCarthy, Jim Gaffigan, Max Greenfield, Peter Dinklage, Christian Slater, Bill Burr, Dan Levy, James Marsden, Jack McBrayer, Thomas Lennon, Bobby Moynihan, Adrian Martinez, Sarah Cooper, Mikey Day, Kyle Mooney, Drew Tarver, Tony Hale, Felix Solis, Maria Bakalova, Dean Norris, Kyle Dunnigan, Sebastian Maniscalco, Beck Bennet, Cedric The Entertainer, Fred Armisein, John Slattery, Jon Hamm, Aparna Nancherla, Andy Daly, Sarah Burns, Hugh Grant and Amy Schumer.
* …and CO-STARRING…….
* Nobody says “No” when you’re worth MORE THAN $1 BILLION!
* There’s no Adam Sandler. How funny can it be?
* It’s a murderer’s row of comedians. Or, if they slay the audience, a comedian’s row of murderers.
* Put it this way: if you’re a comedian, and you’re not in this movie, maybe you out to think about a career change.
* Sorry, Uncrustables.

SAIL TO ANTARCTICA WITH SHATNER

Want to see the South Pole? Want to see it with William Shatner? Got $37,000? Future of Spaaaaaaace, an organization whose mission is to bridge the divide between Earth and space (* what?) is offering a 10-night cruise, scheduled to set sail this December, to Antarctica. On board will be just 260 passengers. Among them, real-life astronauts Scott Kelly and Chris Boshuizen, and 93-year-old William Shatner. According to the company, the ship is small and intimate, so our you’ll feel like you’re on a private yacht with the celebrities, while at the same time respecting their space (* or what? They throw you overboard?). Passengers are promised an array of experiences including kayaking, mingling with penguins and seaside chats with the ship’s 24-person expedition crew. The cheapest rooms, at $35,500, are sold out, but there are still $37,500 rooms available. Also still available is a penthouse with floor-to-ceiling panoramic views. It’s just $60,500.
* Can you get your deposit back if Shatner dies before December?
* I’m envisioning Shatner spending the cruise hustling passengers at shuffleboard.
* The rest of the time, he’ll be sitting at a table in the lounge selling his books.
* I’m told that if you even mention Star Trek, they’ll abandon you on an ice floe.
* Their mission is to bridge the divide between Earth and space by bridging the divide between them and your money.

THE BUZZ

WEIRD STUFF YOUR PARTNER DOES

Reddit asked, “What weird stuff does your Significant Other do?” Some of the responses:
– “My girlfriend pushes her head against mine until our eyes are almost touching and says, “Call me your little cyclops.”
– “He washes his hands before every single shower.”
– “My girlfriend can do this deep manly voice, with a southern drawl, and she’ll say, ‘mmmmm, you’re lookin’ good enough to eat, boy!’” The girlfriend added, “He says it’s creepy as hell hearing that voice come out my mouth, and terrifying if I sneak up behind him and say it.”
– “Repeats the last two words when I ask her to repeat something. Her: ‘Do you know where I can find the car keys?’ Me: ‘I can’t hear you, what?’ Her: ‘Car keys!'”
– “She regularly asks me to lay on top of her as a weighted blanket.”
– “Very occasionally falls asleep with her eyes open. It’s freaky.”
– “When she wants something she chirps and rawrs and makes assorted small animal noises. I’ve become proficient at interpreting these noises and bringing her exactly what she wants.”
* PHONE TOPIC: What weird thing does your partner do?

U.S. NEWS

VERSACE SALE LEADS TO SMALL RIOT

On Wednesday, a Versace sample sale in the Chelsea district of Manhattan had to be shut down after more than 1,000 shoppers flocked to the store, with fights breaking out between customers. Up for grabs were discounted Versace fashion items. Shoppers crowded the sidewalks at 9am— some having waited in line for hours — only for fights to break out. Some shoppers shoved other customers out of their way while trying to squeeze into the building. Police were called, the crowd was shooed away, and the event was temporarily shut down a little before noon. Although it did reopen later in the day, the store was closed by 3pm.
* So the event was a roaring success – look at the demand it caused for the Versace label.
* It was worse than when McDonald’s brings back the McRib.
* Still, I guess was better than a flash mob smash-n-grab shoplifting raid.
* Next time, sell tickets – make more money!
* Sorry, New Yorkers, but I’ve seen pictures of you. Versace is not going to help.

DENVER WOMAN RECOVERS OWN STOLEN CAR

A Denver woman took matters into her own hands after a thief stole her car in broad daylight. Holley Kaufman walked out of work Monday afternoon to find her Mazda was gone. The Mazda has an app that allows her to connect with the car. So, she kept setting the car alarm off and stopping the car, wherever it was. Then she connected to the car’s GPS and saw it was in a Safeway parking lot, so she got a friend to drive her there. On the way, she called the 911 dispatcher, who advised her not to go, but also told her they didn’t have anyone on duty to help her. She told 911, “OK, this is the address, I’m going to be there in five minutes and you can either meet me or I’ll be getting my car.” Kaufman found her car, abandoned. Inside she found a pipe, alcohol and receipts from returns the thief had made that morning, which she gave to police. For their part, the Denver Police Department does not recommend people try to recover their stolen vehicle on their own and asks crime victims to wait for police.
* Then they gave a big ‘ol wink.
* Instead of individual climate control and dimming mirrors and eight cameras that point every which way, I’d rather just have this little tracking system included in the price. That would save about two thousand dollars.
* How about also being able to lock the doors and release knock-out gas?
* Sadly, all the car thieves in Denver now know there’s no police available to chase them – even in broad daylight on a weekday.
* I have a feeling that if that had been John Elway calling, things would have been handled a little differently.

PUNXSUTAWNEY PHIL A NEW PHATHER

Punxsutawney Phil, the world’s most famous groundhog, is now a father. Phil and his mate, Phyllis, have given birth to two baby groundhogs, according to the Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, Groundhog Club. The two babies can be seen through a viewing window at the Punxsutawney Memorial Library. (* Plan your vacation now!) Phil predicted an early spring this year.
* Now we know what Phil does during the winter.
* I predict at least six more weeks of changing itty-bitty diapers.
* Just like the British royals, Punxsutawney now has an heir to continue the line, and a spare.
* Wait – how did they find out? Phil and Phyllis live underground. Are they watching them with cameras? Ewwww!!
* That Groundhog Club – is that a social organization, or a weapon of some sort?

TRENDINGZACH BRYAN JOINED BY BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN

Country star Zach Bryan surprised fans at his concert in Brooklyn on Wednesday night (March 27) when he suddenly brought out Bruce Springsteen for a surprise mini-set during his show. Springsteen joined Bryan during his encore for an unreleased song titled “Sandpaper.” He then stuck around to help him close the show with a performance of “Revival” that also featured Bryan’s support act, Maggie Rogers.

RYAN REYNOLDS, ROB MCELHENNY LOSE MILLIONS ON ENGLISH SOCCER TEAM

A couple of years ago, actors Ryan Reynolds and Rob McElhenney bought Welsh soccer club Wrexam. According to the latest financial statement, released Thursday, the team lost $17 million since their takeover in 2021. However, the team believes they are on an upswing, and the income being generated should be sufficient to meet the operational costs of the club going forward. Since buying Wrexham in 2021, McElhenney and Reynolds’ investment has helped lift the team back into the fourth tier, which is kind of the low-middle level of British soccer system, while bringing global recognition to the club through a television documentary series on Disney.
* Ain’t that a free kick in the ball.
* $17 million, or as Ryan Reynolds calls it, Tuesday.

KRISTEN STEWART WILL NOT STAR IN A MARVEL MOVIE… UNLESS

Actress Kristen Stewart, interviewed this week on the “Not Skinny But Not Fat” podcast, said she would only make a superhero movie on one condition. “I will likely never do a Marvel movie … That sounds like a nightmare, actually.” Then she added, “If Greta Gerwig asked me to do a Marvel movie, then I would do it.” Gerwig is the director of the cultural phenomenon “Barbie” movie.

HOW MANY ELECTRONIC ITEMS ARE YOU STOCKPILING?

A group called Material Focus has done a study and determined that, on average, people are stockpiling an average of 30 electronic items in their house. These are the electronic items you no longer use. The top products include old remote controls, mobile phones and hairdryers, but there are also old calculators, clocks, game controls, toys and cameras.

ALMANAC

NOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

TODAY – Vietnam War Veterans Day
March 31, Sunday – Easter
April 1, Monday – April Fools Day
April 8, Monday – Total Solar Eclipse
April 15, Monday – U.S. Tax Day
May 12, Sunday – Mother’s Day
May 27, Monday – Memorial Day

BIRTHDAYS

PJ Morton (keyboardist with Maroon 5) … 43
Brady Seals (country singer) … 55
Lucy Lawless (actress, “My Life is Murder,” “Ash vs. Evil Dead”, “Spartacus”, “Xena, Warrior Princess”) … 56
Regina Leigh (country singer w Regina) … 56
Elle Macpherson (1980s supermodel) … 61
Marina Sirtis (actress, Counselor Troi on “Star Trek: Picard,” “Star Trek: The Next Generation”) … 69
Brendan Gleeson (actor, “The Banshees of Inishirin,” Mad-Eye Moody in Harry Potter films) … 69
Eric Idle (comic actor/writer, original “Monty Python” member) … 81

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“I never know what I’m doing next. I really don’t. I don’t know what I’m doing next now. I go and think, ‘Hmm, what do I want to do next?'”

(A) Joe Biden
(B) Elon Musk
(C) Eric Idle

ANSWER: (C) Eric Idle

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

2004 – The Republic of Ireland became the first country in the world to ban smoking in all work places, including bars and restaurants.
* “Oh, Begorrah, now I need a pint for sure!”

1999 – The Dow Jones industrial average closed above 10,000 for the first time, at 10,006.78.
* Remember the 90s, when we were all rich for about six months?

1983 – The first laptop computer was launched in the U.S.
* The computer you could put on your lap. The batteries you had to carry behind you in a wagon.

1973 – The last American troops left Vietnam.
* And the first American film directors started arriving.

1886 – Coca-Cola went on sale. It was launched as an “esteemed brain tonic and intellectual beverage.”
* Well, yeah, if you mix it with some Bacardi.

1848 – Niagara Falls stopped flowing for 30 hours because of an ice jam.
* Come to think of it, I was once jammed up for 30 hours after gorging on some three-cheese ravioli.

1564 – Explorer Ponce De Lion spotted Florida.
* At which point he turned around and yelled “Yes! We’re there! Now will you kids stop asking me that?!?”

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2017 – George Michael’s funeral took place, three months after his sudden death at the age of 53. His family said a “small, private ceremony” was attended by “family and close friends.”

2007 – U2 singer Bono accepted an honorary knighthood at a ceremony in Dublin. Fellow band members The Edge and Adam Clayton joined the frontman’s wife and four children at the British ambassador David Reddaway’s official residence. Bono is not entitled to be called “Sir” because he is not a British citizen. The U2 singer’s new title is Knight Commander of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire.

2005 – Neil Young was treated for a brain aneurysm at a hospital in New York. The aneurysm was discovered when Young’s vision became blurred after the induction ceremony for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. He made a full recovery.

2000 – Phil Collins took legal action against two former members of Earth, Wind And Fire. Collins claimed his company had overpaid the musicians by $85,000 in royalties on tracks including “Sussudio” and “Easy Lover.”

1986 – Records by the Beatles records officially went on sale in Russia.

1986 – Austrian singer Falco started a three-week run at No.1 on the U.S. singles chart with “Rock Me Amadeus.”

1980 – Pink Floyd’s “Dark Side Of The Moon” spent its 303rd week on the U.S. album chart, beating the record set by Carole King’s album “Tapestry.”

1975 – Led Zeppelin had all six of their albums in the U.S. Top 100 chart in the same week.

1972 – The last American troops were withdrawn from Vietnam.
* And as they flew out, the first film directors flew in.

1966 – Rolling Stone Mick Jagger was injured during a gig in Marseilles after a fan threw a chair at the stage. He required eight stitches for the cut.

1795 – Beethoven debuted as pianist in Vienna.

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. According to a recent survey, over 60% of single women think THIS may be hindering their love life. What is it?
Their cat

2. In surveys, dogs were rated as the most attractive pet to have. THIS was named the least attractive pet. What is it?
A spider

3. 1 in 8 pet owners have done THIS for their pet. What is it?
Put them in their will

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