FRIDAY, Mar 22 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR FRIDAY, March 22, 2024
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COMEDY MP3s POSTED ON OUR PREP SITE FOR TODAY: THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS

TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing, or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

AS YOUNG AS YOU FEEL DAY
The Days Of The Year website says this:
“As Young As You Feel Day is a day for losing your inhibitions! If you are in good health, but feel restricted by how you are expected to behave, then As Young As You Feel Day is the time to rebel! We only live this life once and As Young As You Feel Day is a good reminder to us that age is a number, and shouldn’t be used to stop us enjoying ourselves.”

COQ AU VIN DAY (Rooster with Wine)

INTERNATIONAL DAY OF THE SEAL

NATIONAL BAVARIAN CREPES DAY

NATIONAL GOOF OFF DAY
The Days Of The Year website says this:
“A chance to step back from the rigors and pressures of every-day life, Goof Off Day encourages you to take some time to be silly, waste an hour or two, and to do something a bit different!”

NATIONAL WATER DAY / WORLD WATER DAY

March is:

Adopt a Rescued Guinea Pig Month
American Red Cross Month
Employee Spirit Month
Expanding Girls’ Horizons in Science and Engineering Month
Gender Equality Month
Irish-American Heritage Month
National Craft Month
National Women Inventors Month
National Women’s History Month
Read an E-Book Month

THE BUZZTHE CRAZY NEIGHBOR

Reddit asked: “What does your crazy neighbor do to be labeled ‘the crazy neighbor'”? Some of the responses:
– “She dug up my fancy flowers and replanted them in her own yard, 15 feet away.”
– “He used to put up handmade signs in his front yard complaining about stuff other people on the street did.”
– “For over two years he had 15 mops hanging of the side of his deck.”
– “Drove his Harley from inside his house out the front door & crashing.”
– “He brings home roadkill to feed his 10 dogs.”
– “My upstairs neighbor unscrewed my doorknob while I was making breakfast.”
– “He pretends to pick up after his two dogs by leaning over and waving his hand around the pile.”
– “When it rains he rushes out onto his front yard and starts stripping all his clothes off then stands there naked, with this look of pure unadulterated bliss on his face.” (* Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know my neighbors could see me.)
– “Lost first husband, built a backyard shed. Lost second husband, built a second shed.”
– “He mows his lawn at bizarre hours, like 3 AM. Equipped with a headlamp and noise-canceling headphones.”
– “Mows his lawn completely erratically. There’s no discernible pattern at all.”
– “Does vacuuming your lawn and driveway count?”
* PHONE TOPIC: Why is your neighbor called the crazy neighbor? Are YOU the crazy neighbor?

HOW TO REDUCE YOUR ANGER

You had a bad day at work. A tough drive home. What’s the best way to get rid of all that pent-up anger? Researchers at Ohio State University analyzed more than 150 tests involving over 10,000 participants to find out what works best to reduce anger – deep breathing, meditation, yoga or even just counting to ten. They also looked at going for a run to blow off steam. Doesn’t work. The study claims that it just made people even angrier. However, the study – published in the journal Clinical Psychology Review – found that other physical activities, such as playing ball sports, were effective at decreasing anger levels.
* So, football, rugby, lacrosse… ball sports like that will surely help reduce aggression. Let’s throw in kickboxing just for the heck of it.
* Make sure you have a few beers while you’re playing, that always helps, too.
* You know who got angry? The people who paid for this study.
* How did ice cream not make the list? A big honkin’ bowl of ice cream.
* Horrible joke: I knew a guy who was so nasty, when he had a bad day, he would go home and kick the dog down the stairs. If he had a REALLY bad day, he’d kick it UP the stairs.

U.S. NEWS

PASTOR HIRED HITMAN TO TAKE OUT DAUGHTER’S BOYFRIEND

Police in Riverside, California, arrested Samuel Pasillas, 47, the pastor of a church in Victorville, alleging that he paid nearly $40,000 to have his daughter’s boyfriend shot in a murder-for-hire plot last year. The shooting took place on the evening of Oct. 21, 2023, and left the man injured. He was shot multiple times from inside a car that pulled up alongside his. He drove himself to a hospital, where he was treated for gunshot wounds. A police investigation revealed that the incident was a murder-for-hire shooting, and that Pastor Pasillas met with the hit men, paid them and provided information on the boyfriend’s whereabouts the night of the shooting.
* No wonder he passed the collection plate around a few times each service.
* They could tell there was a religious connection, because the boyfriend was left holier than thou when they found him.
* Sorry, but if you’re a hit man and your target drives himself to a hospital, you’re not doing it right.
* Usually the bible stops the bullet, not starts them.
* Usually it’s the beginning of winter when you get your shots.

BODY FOUND IN ROCHESTER RESERVOIR

A human body was found Tuesday in a New York reservoir that supplies drinking water to parts of Rochester, prompting city officials to advise residents to boil their water before consuming. Workers discovered the body in the Highland Park Reservoir at around 8 am while doing routine rounds. Authorities identified the body as that of a 29-year-old man who had climbed a fence surrounding the reservoir in the early hours of Feb. 24 and eventually fell into the water. The reservoir was immediately disconnected from the public water supply, with plans to drain and clean it. The city advised Rochesteranians (Rochesterites? The Rochesterish?) to bring their tap water to a rolling boil, boil it for one minute, and let it cool before throwing it out the back door and drinking bottled water.
* They’re not happy about having to boil their water. In fact, they’re steamed.
* “Mmmm, the coffee is particularly robust today.”
* “Does this water taste Freddish to you?”
* This is troubling, because no other living things ever get into that water. Ever. Not one.
* I’m sorry he’s dead, but they said he always did have good taste.

CROSSBOW RECALL

Thousands of Ravin brand crossbows are being recalled because they can “discharge unexpectedly” according to the United States Consumer Product Safety Commission. Approximately 13,300 Ravin Model R500 Crossbows sold in the United States are affected. The crossbows were sold at stores nationwide from September 2021 through October 2023 for between $2,550 and $4,025. Consumers should contact Ravin for a free repair and immediately stop using the crossbow.
* That is thy crossbow report for thine day, good citizens.
* I’m not sure I’m comfortable knowing there are 13,300 people out there ready to storm the castle.
* The Model R500, huh? Lucky for me, I only had enough money to buy the R100.
* It’s only been 2600 years. We’ll get the hang of how to make good crossbows one of these days.
* $4,000 crossbows, but I hear the real money is in trebuchets.

MILLIONAIRES HAVE A U.S. EXIT PLAN

A company named Henley & Partners specializes in helping wealthy people move to different countries. They say business is booming – they helped 120,000 high-net-worth individuals change countries in 2023, up from 51,000 a decade earlier. The company notes that 2,100 millionaires moved to the U.S. last year, though greater numbers relocated to Australia, the United Arab Emirates, and Singapore. The company says not all of their American millionaire customers are leaving the U.S. – yet – but many of them are making backup plans. The number of inquiries from American clients about obtaining residency in other countries is up more than 500% from 2019.
* And most of those are millionaire 7-year-old influencers doing toy review videos.
* We gave you all our money, and now you’re leaving us. Thanks a lot. Don’t expect a Christmas card.
* Speaking of millionaires leaving, aren’t we due for another wave of celebrities saying they’ll leave if Trump wins the election?
* This is millionaires. You never hear about billionaires leaving, ’cause they own everything.
* It’s good to have a plan. I just don’t see the American rich leaving the country like the von Trapp family climbing that mountain at the end of The Sound of Music.

THE RESTAURANT RESERVATION FEE

We are now in the age of the Restaurant Reservation Fee. Some of your finer restaurants are charging anywhere from $25 to $50 per person for a reservation. If you show up, the money is applied to your bill. If you don’t show up, or if someone in your party doesn’t show up, you lose that person’s deposit. Brian Warrener, a professor at the College of Hospitality Management at Johnson and Wales University, says the tactic has proved to work better than adjusting the price of food. According to data from OpenTable, 28% of Americans say they haven’t shown up for a reservation they made in the past year. When a big party cancels, or only partially shows up to the table, it can lead to food waste and excessive spending on labor costs — because of servers not having enough work for the evening. It all adds up to a substantial hit to restaurants’ revenue.
* Explain to me how not preparing food that nobody ordered leads to food waste?
* Good job. The people who have been putting up with the big increases in restaurant prices – this should get THEM to stop dining out, too.
* Arby’s is just going to be intolerable when they start doing this.
* Next will come the minimum food order: You Must Eat THIS MUCH Food To Dine Here.

INTERNATIONAL NEWS

WOMAN TAKES SHOWER ON ZOOM IN FRONT OF FUNERAL SERVICE

[note: As far as we can tell, this story seems to be true, but it comes from the British press so you never know.]
A British woman accidentally broadcast herself naked in the shower during a funeral livestream. A church funeral was held in North London for a father of three who passed away from cancer, and a Zoom call was set up for people who could not attend. The woman opened a Zoom link before the service to follow what was going on. Not realizing her camera was on, the mother-of-two pointed it at the bath (so she could watch what was happening at the funeral), stripped naked and hopped in the shower, unaware that her camera was broadcasting as part of the Zoom call to a large screen in front of a packed church full of mourners. Observers noted that shaving “down there” was also part of her bath routine. She later showed up at the wake, unaware what had happened.
* She could have died from embarrassment. And they would have been prepared to deal with that!
* I bet there was more than one stiff at that funeral.
* Talk about trying to raise the dead.
* As the British say, “How cheeky!”
* “Asses to asses, dust to dust …”
* It might be time to watch that Zoom tutorial again.

TRENDING

BILLY JOEL RIDES THE TRAIN TO MSG GIG

Billy Joel has given up the helicopter ride and now takes the Long Island Rail Road into New York City when he has a concert to play at Madison Square Garden. “People will sometimes look at me on the railroad and think, look at this guy, trying to look like Billy Joel,” he continued. “He’s not kidding anybody. It’s still a great way to go.”

BEN FOLDS DIVORCE FIVE

Musician Ben Folds and Emma Sandall have finalized their divorce. Folds, 57, filed for divorce from Sandall in December 2023, citing irreconcilable differences. The couple married in Hawaii on Jan. 20, 2017; they were married for six years. This was Ben Folds’ fifth marriage. He has noted in his writings that, “I always jumped into situations too quickly, thinking that was the right thing. I’m reckless, which has helped in my music, but taking risks in my private life hasn’t measured up.”

ALMANAC

NOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

March 31, Sunday – Easter
April 1, Monday – April Fools Day
April 15, Monday – U.S. Tax Day
May 12, Sunday – Mother’s Day
May 27, Monday – Memorial Day

BIRTHDAYS

Constance Wu (actress, “Fresh Off The Boat,” “Crazy Rich Asians”) … 42
Reese Witherspoon (actress) … 48
Matthew Modine (actor, evil scientist in “Stranger Things”) … 65
James House (country singer) … 69
Bob Costas (sports journalist) … 72
Wolf Blitzer (broadcast journalist) … 76
Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber (composer of musicals) … 76
William Shatner (actor, “Boston Legal,” “T.J. Hooker,” “Star Trek”) … 93

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“Love is what makes the world go around.”

(A) Vladimir Putin
(B) Kim Jong-un
(C) William Shatner

ANSWER: (C) William Shatner

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

2018 – New research found that the “Great Pacific Garbage Patch” between Hawaii and California had 1.8 trillion pieces of plastic and was increasing rapidly.
* Okay, everybody meet there Thursday morning with large plastic trash bags.

1999 – Acting as his own lawyer, Dr. Jack Kevorkian went on trial for murder, telling a jury in Pontiac, Mich., he was carrying out his professional duty in a videotaped assisted death shown on “60 Minutes.”
* Then the jury carried out their professional duty and put him away.

1994 – The Dutch Ambassador to the U.S. christened a new tulip the “Hillary Clinton.”
* We need to find a new hound dog to name after Bill.

1960 – The first patent for a laser was filed.
* Just in time for Goldfinger to point one at James Bond’s crotch a few years later.

1903 – Niagara Falls ran out of water because of a drought.
* So for a brief time it was actually MORE dangerous to go over in a barrel.

1882 – Congress outlawed polygamy.
* But as so many congressmen have shown, they have no problem with a little on the side.

1841 – Cornstarch was patented by Orlando Jones.
* Thanks to Orlando, never again would people suffer from embarrassing limp corn.

1733 – Joseph Priestly invented carbonated water or “seltzer.”
* A important advance for bartenders, soft drink lovers and clowns.

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2004 – Ozzy Osbourne was voted England’s favorite ambassador to welcome aliens to planet Earth. The 55-year-old singer topped a Yahoo poll as the face people wanted to represent them to alien life.

1997 – Puff Daddy featuring Mase started a six-week run at No.1 on the U.S. singles chart with “Can’t Nobody Hold Me Down,” his first U.S. No.1.

1992 – Polygram Records officially announced that Tears For Fears had split up. Roland Orzabal continued using the name Tears For Fears. They re-formed in 2004.

1986 – Heart went to No.1 on the U.S. singles chart with “These Dreams.”

1980 – Pink Floyd’s “Another Brick In The Wall” started a four-week run at No.1 on the U.S. singles chart.

1978 – The Police signed with A&M Records.

1975 – Frankie Valli went to No.1 on the U.S. singles chart with “My Eyes Adored You.”

1975 – Led Zeppelin started a six-week run at No.1 on the U.S. album chart with “Physical Graffiti,” the group’s fourth U.S. No.1.

1971 – Police arrested all the members of The Allman Brothers Band for heroin and marijuana possession.

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. The average American has 23 pounds of THIS. What is it?
Extra weight

2. A survey of lotto winners found that 100% of them did THIS in the months and years following their windfall. What is it?
All of them gained weight

3. A study found that subjects who did THIS while exercising lost twice as much weight as subjects who didn’t do it. What is it?
Listen to music while exercising

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