FRIDAY, Mar 1 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR FRIDAY, March 1, 2024
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COMEDY MP3s POSTED ON OUR PREP SITE FOR TODAY: THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS

TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing, or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

INTERNATIONAL WOMEN OF COLOR DAY

NATIONAL BLACK WOMEN IN JAZZ AND THE ARTS DAY

NATIONAL PEANUT BUTTER LOVER’S DAY

NATIONAL PIG DAY

PEACE CORPS DAY

PLAN A SOLO VACATION DAY

SHARE A SMILE DAY

ZERO DISCRIMINATION DAY

March is:

Adopt a Rescued Guinea Pig Month
American Red Cross Month
Employee Spirit Month
Expanding Girls’ Horizons in Science and Engineering Month
Gender Equality Month
Irish-American Heritage Month
National Craft Month
National Women Inventors Month
National Women’s History Month
Read an E-Book Month

ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES

AUDIO: OPRAH USED OZEMPIC, QUITS WEIGHT WATCHERS

Oprah Winfrey is stepping down from the board of directors of Weight Watchers after admitting she has been using weight-loss drugs. Winfrey has been on the board since 2015 after buying a $43 million stake in the company. Her decision to step down – which immediately sent Weight Watchers stock plunging 25% – is in part to “eliminate any perceived conflict of interest around her taking weight-loss medications,” said the company in a press release. Oprah recently came under fire after revealing that she used weight-loss drugs as a “maintenance tool.” She told People magazine, “I now use it as I feel I need it, as a tool to manage not yo-yoing.” Oprah, who’s going to give away all her WW stock, says she will continue to work with the company as an adviser and collaborator “in elevating the conversation around recognizing obesity as a chronic condition.”
* Yeah, 300,000 Americans dying each year from obesity hasn’t quite gotten it to sink in yet.
* So I guess hypocrisy is NOT one of Oprah’s favorite things. Eventually.
* Notice that she quit now, AFTER diet season is over.
* So if Ozempic makes you have dreams about celebrities, does she dream about herself?
* The only problem is, what’s she going to do with a garage full of Weight Watcher food?
CLIP: Our classic “Weight Listeners” parody spot.
CLIP URL: morningsidekick(dot)com/prep/wp-content/uploads/01-04-WeightListeners-Diet(dot)mp3

AUDIO: BEYONCÉ COUNTRY SONG SOUNDS A LOT LIKE A KID’S SHOW THEME

The internet has noticed that Beyoncé’s new hit country single, “Texas Hold ‘Em,” sounds an awful lot like the theme song to the classic children’s cartoon “Franklin.” Bruce Cockburn (pronounced “CO-burn”. Remember him? “Wonderin’ Where the Lions Are”?), the writer and singer of “Hey It’s Franklin,” acknowledges the similarity between the two but stated that he doesn’t believe the global megastar owes anyone an apology. “I think Beyoncé’s ‘Texas Hold ‘Em’ is a good record. Unfortunately, I can’t claim to have had any part in writing it. The rhythmic feel is similar to my theme song for the ‘Franklin’ TV series, but to my ears, that’s where the similarity stops. ‘Texas Hold ‘Em’ is her song, and I wish her success with it!”
* Translation: She’s Beyoncé, she can afford the lawyers.
* Because when you want to rip off a song, the best source is a Canadian kids show from the 1990’s.
* Hmm. Reverse cultural approbation?
* Maybe she should have expanded into a different new genre, like folk music, or polkas.
CLIP #1: “Hey It’s Franklin” followed by “Texas Hold ‘Em.”
CLIP URL: morningsidekick(dot)com/prep/wp-content/uploads/Franklin_vs_Beyonce(dot)mp3
CLIP #2: Both songs, mixed together in tempo. Our vote? Coincidence.
CLIP URL: morningsidekick(dot)com/prep/wp-content/uploads/Franklin_vs_BeyonceMixed(dot)mp3

AUDIO: BAND RELEASES SONG ON A SLICE OF PIZZA

There’s nothing like enjoying a good slice of pizza along with some good music. Louisville, Kentucky thrash metal band Belushi Speed Ball gives you neither of these things, but it’s fun anyway. The band just released its latest single – not on vinyl, not on CD, not on download – but on a slice of pizza. The song, called “My Favorite Color is Pizza,” comes along with a real pizza slice preserved in a block of resin (no, you can’t eat it). Each block has a little speaker and a button. If you want to hear the song, you press the button and, uh, stare at the pizza, I guess.
* Pretty cheesy.
* A block of resin. Wow. They figured out how to give music a carbon footprint.
* Seven more songs and they’ll have a whole pie.
* Imagine what they can do with their next single, “Sledge Hammer Kitten.”
* Belushi Speed Ball. They were going to call themselves Perry Ketamine Hot Tub, but they decided it was too soon.
CLIP: Here is a clip of the thrash metal song “My Favorite Color Pizza” from Belushi Speed Ball. WARNING: thrash metal.
CLIP URL: morningsidekick(dot)com/prep/wp-content/uploads/SongReleasedOnPizza-BelushiSpeedBall(dot)mp3

THE BUZZ

WOMEN GET MANSPLAINED TO SIX TIMES A WEEK

A survey of 2,000 employed women by Self magazine found that the average woman gets mansplained to six times a week at work – that’s 312 times a year. And three out of five women think men don’t even realize they’re doing it.
* Six days a week! Ladies, that would be every day but one.
* Wow, how dense are these women who have to be told something 312 times?
* I had an awkward moment the other day when I had to mansplain “manscaping.”
* Okay, fine. We’ll stop mansplaining. Good luck ever learning how to drive stick.
* Guys, ask your wife about mansplaining tonight. You’ll never do it again.
* PHONE TOPIC: Ladies, what do you do when your husband or boss or co-worker starts mansplaining?

U.S. NEWS

STRIPPER ATTACKS PATRON WITH WAD OF MONEY

A man at a strip club was smacked in the face with a wad of cash by a dancer. Police were summoned late Tuesday night to Body Talk, a topless club in Port St. Lucie, Florida (* Oh yeah – that place.), to investigate an alleged battery on a male customer. The man told police that the women were upset because he was not tipping. He added that did not see any signs stating it was mandatory to tip. Dancer Victoria Jones told deputies that the man “was drunk and being rude” and had been verbally insulting them. Finally, she picked up a small stack of money and threw it at the man, who was struck in the face with the cash wad. She claimed the cash was tossed in a “non-aggressive manner,” adding that, “This is a place where money is thrown everywhere.” Ms. Jones was arrested for misdemeanor battery.
* Instead of making it rain, he was hit with a thunderbolt.
* A stripper throws money at a man. What was it, Backwards Day?
* He’s just lucky strippers don’t get tipped in coins.
* After the stripper hit him in the face with the money, another guy shouted, “Hey, I’ll pay to have that done to me!”

NEW YORK KIDS FIND SEVERED ARM ON THE WAY TO SCHOOL

A girl walking to school with a group of pals stumbled upon a severed arm on Long Island, New York, Thursday morning – leading to a police search that uncovered a disembodied leg in a pile of leaves nearby. The girl found the disembodied left arm and then called her dad. He headed to the scene and reported it to police. Later in the day, a police dog sweeping a wooded area discovered a disembodied leg sticking out of a pile of leaves, about a mile away from the first find. Authorities are investigating the troubling find as a homicide.
* I think that’s probably the best way to go with this, officers.
* Show and Tell was very interesting yesterday, I bet.
* Did she make any TikTok videos of her arm-wrestling the arm?
* If I’d found the arm, I’d have legged it out of there.
* What’s ironic is, the school doesn’t provide bus service because it would cost an arm and a leg.

INTERNATIONAL NEWS

DOG BITES OFF MAN’S PENIS

Police were called to a home in Herne, Germany, after neighbors complained of a barking dog. Responders heard groans coming from inside. They broke down the door to find a 66-year-old man and his dog. The man was in bad shape, bleeding from his genitals. Or rather, what used to be his genitals. His member was missing. The victim was rushed to hospital a placed in an artificial coma, so police don’t yet know exactly what happened, but the theorize the dog – about the size of a Jack Russell Terrier – was the cause of the man’s injuries. The man’s member is missing and presumed eaten.
* The German man’s wiener was schnitzeled.
* Are they sure he ate it? I have a cat, and it likes to hide things in my shoes.
* I bet they revive him and he says, “Oh my god, put me back in the coma.”
* You know that whatever story he tells the police, it’s not going to be what really happened.
* This is what happens when you name your dog Joey Chestnut.
* “Who’s a bad dog? Who’s a bad dog? YOU are! That’s right!”

ALMANACNOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

March 10, Sunday – Daylight Saving Time Begins
March 17, Sunday – St. Patrick’s Day
March 19, Tuesday – Spring begins, Spring Equinox is 11:06 p.m. EDT
March 20, Wednesday – First full day of Spring
March 31, Sunday – Easter
April 1, Monday – April Fools Day
April 15, Monday – U.S. Tax Day
May 12, Sunday – Mother’s Day
May 27, Monday – Memorial Day

BIRTHDAYS

Canadian Justin Bieber (singer) … 30
Lupita Nyong’o (actress, “Black Panther” movies) … 41
Ryan Peake (guitarist with Nickelback) … 51
George Eads (actor, “MacGyver,” “C.S.I.”) … 57
Catherine Bach (actress, Daisy Duke on “The Dukes of Hazzard”) … 69
Ron Howard (actor/director) … 70
Dirk Benedict (actor, played “Face” in “The A Team”) … 79
Roger Daltrey (singer with The Who) … 80

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“I’ve never made a bad song.””

(A) Bruce Springsteen
(B) Bob Dylan
(C) Justin Bieber

ANSWER: (C) Justin Bieber

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

2006 – The English-language version of Wikipedia reached its one millionth article.
* If you don’t count the articles with deliberate or accidental mistakes, that number is in the high dozens.

2002 – Under pressure from prosecutors, the Archdiocese of Boston agreed to turn over the names of people allegedly molested by priests.
* Can guilty priests go to Heaven? Yikes – I wouldn’t want to spend eternity with one of THEM around!

1977 – Bank of America adopted the name VISA for their credit cards.
* And we’re forever in their debt.

1968 – Federal laws went into effect which mandated all cars must have seatbelts.
* At first, the stingy auto industry resisted. Then they realized that every time a seatbelt saved a life, that person could go on to buy another car some day.

1961 – The ribbon was cut on America’s first K-Mart store.
* In business since 1961 – and STILL nobody knows what the “K” stands for!

1941 – The first commercial FM radio station went on the air in Nashville, Tennessee. Its call letters were W47NV.
* A great technical achievement, but hard to sing in a jingle.

1913 – The federal income tax took effect, in the form of the 16th amendment.
* And didn’t it all start going downhill right there?

1873 – E. Remington and Sons of Ilion, NY, began the manufacturing the first practical typewriter.
* Whatever that is.

1845 – President Tyler signed a resolution annexing the Republic of Texas.
* Texans of course insisted they were annexing the United States.

1784 – E. Kidner opened the first cooking school, in Great Britain.
* Insert your own British cuisine joke here.

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2016 – 76-year-old Ginger Baker posted on his blog that he had canceled all of his scheduled shows for the year and was going into immediate retirement. The former drummer for Cream and Blind Faith revealed that his doctor had just diagnosed him with serious heart problems, causing him to announce “No more gigs for this old drummer.”

2004 – Michael Jackson unveiled a new website, “mjjsource.” The site featured a celebration of his music career plus news on his current criminal trial, including short biographies of his attorneys and a calendar listing upcoming court dates.

2001 – Sean ‘Puffy’ Combs became the star witness in his own defense in a New York court, claiming he didn’t have a gun during a shooting in a New York club. The singer claimed he thought he was being shot at.

1997 – A Motley Crue fan who claimed his hearing had been irreparably damaged after a show in New Jersey had his lawsuit thrown out of court. The judge told Clifford Goldberg, who had sat near the front of the stage, that he knew the risk he was taking.

1997 – “Bowie Bonds” were issued on the U.S. Stock Exchange. Linked to David Bowie’s back catalogue albums with money earned on the bonds via interest from royalties, investors were told they could expect to make an 8% profit in about 10 years.

1994 – Nirvana played their final ever concert when they appeared at The Terminal Einz in Munich, Germany. The 3,000 capacity venue was a small airport hanger. The power went off during the show so they played an impromptu acoustic set including a version of The Cars’ “My Best Friend’s Girl.”

1989 – Model Julianne Phillips divorced husband Bruce Springsteen. The settlement included a clause which Springsteen’s lawyers insisted on, which banned her from talking or writing about what the marriage was like.

1975 – Bob Dylan started a two-week run at No.1 on the U.S. album chart with “Blood On The Tracks.” his first U.S. No.1 album.

1975 – The Eagles went to No.1 on the U.S. singles chart with “Best Of My Love,” the first of five U.S. No.1’s for the band.

1974 – Sara Lowndes filed for a divorce from her husband Bob Dylan.

1969 – Jim Morrison of The Doors was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior after showing his penis to the audience during a show in Miami. He was found guilty and sentenced to eight months hard labor. Morrison died in Paris while the sentence was on appeal.

1968 – Elton John’s first single, “I’ve Been Loving You Too Long,” was released on the Phillips label. It didn’t chart.

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. According to research, 90% of us do THIS almost every night, even though we don’t want to. What is it?
We wake up in the middle of the night

2. Sleep experts say 13% of us do THIS when we dream. What is it?
We dream in black & white

3. Studies say 47% of us lose up to 90 minutes of sleep every night because of THIS. What is it?
Our pets in bed with us

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