Today Is…
Anything special being celebrated or commemorated today? Find out here!
TODAY’S ALMANAC
Birthdays, Upcoming Holidays, This Day in History and Music
TODAY’S TRIVIA
Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three obscure facts.
ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
SPIDER-MAN ADS APPEARING ON BMW DASHBOARD SCREENS
Is no place on this earth sacred?
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
DISNEY PARK ITEMS FOR AUCTION
Because you haven’t given them enough money.
RFK Jr HOSTS COOKING SHOW
America’s goose is cooked.
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
DISNEYLAND SHUTS DOWN RESTROOMS
Bashful(‘s) bladder.
“DEAR ABBY” RETIRING
You are what you are and you ain’t what you ain’t.
JOKE OF THE DAY
Suggestion: Post the joke on your website. Boost clicks by having listeners call in and tell the Joke of the Day to win a prize.
A small boy was lost.
He walks up to a policeman and says, “I’ve lost my dad!”
The cop says, “What’s he like?” The little boy says, “Beer and women.”
What do you call birds that stick together?
Velcrows.
A man walks in a bar and shouts, “Free beers outside!”
Everyone in the bar, except the bartender, ran outside in excitement. The bartender yells at the man, “What the hell did you do that for? Now I have no customers!!” The man says, “Sorry mister, I honestly didn’t fink any of those men would be brave enough to fight a grizzly beer, let alone free of ’em.”
What happened to the guy who was addicted to sandwiches?
He’s trying to quite cold turkey.
A father is listening to his little girl is say her bedtime prayers.
She says, “God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma… and goodbye, Grandpa.” Dad says, “Why’d you say “Goodbye Grandpa?” Girls says, “I don’t know.” The next day, Grandpa drops dead. That night, the father hears her say, “God bless Mommy, and God bless Daddy, and goodbye Grandma.” The next day, Grandma drops dead. That night, the daughter says, “God bless Mommy, and Goodbye Daddy.” The guy freaks. He stays up all night. Nothing happens. He’s beyond relieved. He goes to work, comes home that night. His wife says, “I had a horrible day.” He asks, “What happened?” Mom says, “Well, the milkman dropped dead on the front steps.”
U.S. NEWS
NEIL ARMSTRONG’S BOYHOOD HOUSE FOR SALE
Houston, we have a listing.
HOME DEPOT ALREADY SELLING XMAS STUFF
And they’re sold out.
THEATER DIRECTOR SENDS HIMSELF THREATS IN ORDER TO CANCEL SHOW
Tell me more, I’m waiting with antici———-pation.
TEACHER FIRED FOR GIVING ZEROS
The kids didn’t do the assignment.
HIRE A ROBOT TO CLEAN YOUR HOUSE
Hey, that’s a great idea.
RENT A ROBOT FOR YOUR NEXT PARTY
The robots are taking over (your Sidekick news today)
COLORADO TOWN SHUTS DOWN
Goodbye, Hartman.
INTERNATIONAL NEWS
97-YEAR-OLD WOMAN WING-WALKS
World’s oldest barnstormer.
MAN STANDS ON HOSPITAL ROOF DRESSED AS THE GRIM REAPER
“Death, be not douchebag.” – John Donne (maybe)
PILOT CAUGHT WITH 57 POUNDS OF ECSTASY
Flying high.
WOMEN’S CYCLING SEEKS BRA INSPECTOR
Schwinnnnnnn(g)!
CHINESE ROBOT BARBERS
I don’t want that thing anywhere near my ears.
MAN’S GAS CLEARS MOVIE THEATER
Barking spiders, man.
ARTIST FINDS HIS GALLERY ARTWORK AT THRIFT STORE
Know your audience.
FUNNY PICTURES
Right-click on images to
Copy or Save.
Housekeeping Gets An Extra Big Tip
It’s Behind Me, Isn’t It
Unicorn Autopsy
Instant Sailboard
Grandma’s Been Knitting On Red Bull Again
Finger Bat
THE BUZZ
DUMB HEADLINES
Have listeners vote for the dumbest.
WORKPLACE GOSSIP
Spill the tea.
MOST UNUSUAL BABY NAMES
I had an Epihany.
SURVEY: SIBLING RIVALRY
It never goes away.
DIFFICULT WORDS TO PRONOUNCE
…they asked.
PEOPLE ARE TALKING LESS
This is a bad thing?
IGNORING YOUR SPOUSE’S ATTEMPTS AT LOVE
“This is how I love you, baby.” – Paul Simon, “Hearts and Bones”
YOUR JUNK DRAWER
Everybody’s got one.
TRENDING
NEW MOVIES
Click on name for details and audio clips
ONE NIGHT ONLY
Starts Friday, August 7 in theaters.
THE ICE CREAM MAN
Starts Friday, August 7 in theaters.
SUPER TROOPERS 3
Starts Friday, August 7 in theaters.
SPIDER-MAN: BRAND NEW DAY
Starts Friday, July 31 in theaters.
Click on the title to go to an mp3 player. To download the mp3, right-click on the player and choose the “Save audio as” option.
PROMOS-TO-GO
Pre-produced ready-to-use show bumper donuts
A&M AUTOLAND – The Valve Store
Big Al has a little trouble using a dictionary.
FARMER BOB’S PETTING ZOO
Bring medical gloves and a HEPA mask.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, July 31.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
Funny fake sponsorship announcements
A & M AUTOLAND – Novelty Horns
You’ll be amazed how quick the novelty wears off.
DIARIA
With all the talk about you-know-what these day, here’s one from the library.
BUZZFEST
Who doesn’t like a good summer music festival?
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, July 24.
PROMOS-TO-GO
Pre-produced ready-to-use show bumper donuts
ALPHA-MALE BITS
Part of this new vicious breakfast.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, July 17.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
Funny fake sponsorship announcements
A & M AUTOLAND – Christmas In July
‘Tis the season to be stupid.
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