DUI SUSPECT UNFAMILIAR WITH THE ALPHABET

A Cleveland Heights, Ohio, man, 74, was arrested March 9 for operating a vehicle while impaired after he rear-ended another vehicle in the drive thru lane at Panda Express. According to the police report, during sobriety tests the man refused to recite the alphabet because he said he was unfamiliar with it.
* Ah, the old Arkansas excuse.
* I’m sure he’s at least familiar with the letters d, u and i.
* This guy’s so stupid he can’t even spell I.Q.
* You can’t even give him an A for effort here.
* “Hey, I’m here for some chicken and rice, not a pop quiz.”
* Maybe they should have tried humming him a few bars of the Alphabet Song.
* He did get the letter F for “fail.”
* I love the guy’s commitment to his story here: “You know … the alphabet … that thing with the letters in it.” “Sorry … never heard of it.”
* Then they asked him to walk a straight line, and he said he never took geometry.
* “Okay, then. Can you count to ten?” “Ten what?”
* You know your express drive-thru is slowing down when people start ramming the cars from behind.