DRUNK, NAKED, DEFECATING MAN

An Iowa City man was arrested after he allegedly tried to trespass into an Iowa City house while naked. What’s more, he then defecated and urinated on the house’s doorstep. Officers responded to a house at 12:28 a.m. Saturday on a report of a naked man trying to push his way into the front door. Police found that Thomas Larry Warren, 49, had left all of his clothes, wallet, car keys and driver’s license on the doorstep. While on the property, Warren allegedly urinated and defecated on the doorstep. Police found Warren’s car parked at his house. Over an hour later, they found Warren, found passed out naked on a patch of grass. He had slurred speech, poor balance and had admitted to drinking. Warren was arrested and book on a variety of charges.
* Worst ding-dong dash ever.
* So … he forgot the part about putting it in a paper bag and lighting it on fire?
* And they say Iowans don’t know how to have fun.
* This might have been in Iowa City, but he was on Mars.
* Folks, how many times do I have to tell you – when you’re planning a drunken naked ramble through the neighborhood, go to the bathroom BEFORE YOU LEAVE THE HOUSE!
* One again confirming the link between getting wasted and taking your clothes off.
* Some guys take hitting middle age harder than others.
* Defecated and urinated on the doorstep? Wow – that’s enough to make a person throw away their “Welcome” mat.
* Come to think of it, if he pooped and peed on the Welcome mat, they probably HAD to throw it away.
* Wait, the Iowa Hawkeyes play in Iowa City. Maybe the guy wasn’t over the loss to North Dakota State.
* I know it’s been a couple of weeks, but some losses linger.
* And thanks to our Wacky News Detective Wing for that. Next up they’re going to try and solve Florida.