COUPLE ASKS INTERNET TO DECIDE ON BABY NAME

Here we go again. After bickering back and forth with his expectant wife for months over what to name their future son, Queens, New York, resident Nicholas Soukeras kicked off an online petition to build a case for his traditional Greek choice, Spyridon, over her more mainstream American preference: Michael. Soukeras says that, in Greek culture, traditionally the first-born son would be named after the husband’s father, which is why he wants the name Spyridon. “It matters to [my father], and it matters to me. I like Michael too, but it’s so common. This name has character and history.” His wife, Kseniya, thinks the name Spyridon – or Spiro, for short – is too ethnic and not pleasant sounding for a non-Greek ear. As for the petition, Soukeras said: “First she said if I got 100 votes for my name she would go along with it. Now she’s saying 100,000.” Soukeras said he has already conceded that if the couple goes with Spyridon as a first name, the middle name can be Michael, and that his wife can have naming rights for all future children. “It’s just the first-born child that matters to me.” To sign the petition in the Spyridon vs. Michael baby-name debate, visit ipetitions.com.
* I got spyridon once when I was in college. I had to take penicillin for three weeks.
* But she was worth it.
* I thought Spyridon was one of the moons of Jupiter?
* No, wait – it was that toy where you stick a pen in the hole and draw spirals.
* Despite the connotations to Spiro Agnew, Spiro sounds like a superhero who vanquishes villains with a spear: Spearo!
* Memo to the wife: Saying something is too ethnic is not a winning strategy in 2015.
* Memo to the husband: Saying “It’s just the first-born child that matters to me” is also a losing move.
* Great. Turn it over to the Internet. They’ll be filing divorce papers by Friday.
* Getting the voters involved could really work to build the child’s base if he goes into politics.
* My prediction: The husband will get his way, then the wife will make him pay for it for the rest of his life.