“My wife and I can’t come to the phone right now, but if you’ll leave your name and number, we’ll get back to you as soon as we’re finished.” “A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we’re not here. So leave a message.” “Hi. This is John: If…
The Darwin Awards are given each year – posthumously – to those people who have gotten themselves killed in a spectacular way which prevents their ‘stupid genes’ from being passed down to future generations. Here are some past examples of winners and nominees: A Kansas man who was killed by a train after his car…
(Caution: Rude language) Going on a holiday soon? Beware – these gestures are insulting to foreigners. INSULTING TO GERMANS: Slapping your right buttock with your right hand. This means either you deserve a good spanking or worse: kiss my butt! INSULTING TO TURKS: Sticking a friendly thumbs up sign at them. In Turkey it’s an…
Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ASS? If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you! Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you’re an asshole. 100,000 sperm and YOU were the fastest? Your gene pool needs a little chlorine. You’re just jealous…
Alcoholocaust Alcoholics Unanimous Armageddon Dildos The Band Formerly Known As Sausage Brady Bunch Lawnmower Massacre Cindy Brady’s Lisp The Dead Sea Squirrels Electric Prostates The French are from Hell Headless Marines Hitler’s Bikini Inhale Mary Jehovah’s Waitresses Jehovah’s Witness Protection Program Jesus Christ Super Fly JFKFC Kathleen Turner Overdrive Lawn Piranhas My Dog Has Hitler’s…
Q: My fiancée still has feelings for his old girlfriends. I’m afraid he will not be faithful. A: A man’s capacity to love is boundless. It has been proven to increase with the number of sexual partners. Thus, by having a few other women, your partner is really increasing his love for you. Best thing…
In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death. In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman’s genitals, but is forbidden from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their…
Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with no proofreaders. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services: The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’ The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’ Ladies, don’t forget the…
SAYINGS WE’D LIKE TO SEE ON INSPIRATIONAL OFFICE POSTERS * Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them. * If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos … then you probably haven’t completely understood the seriousness of the situation. *…
CareerBuilder.com asked job interviewers for the most outrageous mistakes candidates made during a job interview. These really happened: · Applicant warned the interviewer that she “took too much valium” and didn’t think her interview was indicative of her personality · Applicant acted out a Star Trek role · Applicant answered a phone call for an…