BEACH CLOSED BECAUSE OF PERVY DOLPHIN

A seaside village along France’s Brittany coast has banned swimming on its beach because a dolphin in heat has been scaring tourists and locals by approaching them and trying to rub up against them. The dolphin, often clearly in a state of sexual arousal, tries to rub up against kayaks and other small boats. It has tried to prevent several swimmers from getting back to the beach. It used its nose to lift one woman out of the water and up into the air (* Hey, at least it was his NOSE.). The 9-foot dolphin, which locals have nicknamed Zafar, has been hanging around the Bay of Brest (* Well, there ya go.) for months, amusing tourists with its antics. But then a few weeks ago he changed, becoming sexually aggressive with almost anything and anyone.
* A dolphin pon farr, as it were.
* I would have named it Harvey Weinstein, but whatever.
* I thought it was only narwhals that had the horns.
* Maybe it’s been eating too many oysters?
* It must be frustrating to be a sex-starved dolphin. Especially with no arms or hands.
* Zafar has been named honorary member of the New York Association of Subway Riders.