AUDIO: FINALLY, FASTER HUMAN COMPOSTING
Looking for a quick and easy burial? How’d you like to be boiled and flushed down the drain? There is a new method of human remains disposal seeking legal approval in the UK; it’s called alkaline hydrolysis. The process uses water, alkaline chemicals, heat and pressure to break down a body into liquid and pieces of bone, which can take between just two and 18 hours. But here’s where it gets good: Bones and teeth survive the process and are ground into a powder to be returned to the family, while the rest of the body is broken down into liquid, which can be sent down the drain to the sewers. It’s being called a “water burial,” though some refer to it as being “flushed away.” A study of the process claims that the water a body boils in is full of compounds that are safe to be put back into the wastewater supply. The method is already approved in Ireland. The cost is around $1700 (€1,500).
* It’s a chance for grampa to clog up the toilet one last time.
* As the Wizard of Oz said to Dorothy about the Wicked Witch: “Ah, you LIQUIDATED her, eh?”
* This is how you get sewer zombies, I think.
* Human bodies are safe for sewers? With all the plastic that’s in ’em?
* This is just a scam to make that $3,000 cherrywood casket look much more attractive.
CLIP: Here’s the Roto Rooter jingle, revised with incredibly bad taste.
