AUDIO: ARE YOU BRITISH? HERE’S A HANDY GUIDE.
A survey commissioned by the Sky Arts company asked the traits that they think make a person British. Here, according to British people, are the Top 40 signs you’re British:
1. Talking about the weather (* Oh, my god, my grampa’s British. All he does is talk about the weather.)
2. Queueing
3. Having a roast dinner on Sundays
4. Putting the kettle on in a crisis
5. Liking fish and chips
6. Using tea as a cure for everything
7. Saying ‘sorry’ too frequently (* Yeah, British people are sorry about doing that.)
8. Saying please and thank you
9. Dunking biscuits in tea
10. Going to the pub
11. Having a stiff upper lip
12. Having a dry sense of humour (* Also, spelling ‘humour” with a u.)
13. Having good manners
14. Sarcasm
15. Eating fry ups for breakfast (A fry up is bacon, eggs, ham, sausage, potatoes – the works.)
16. Being proud of where you are from (* Unless it’s Blackpool.)
17. Pulling together in a crisis
18. Not complaining in a restaurant when the food is poor (* In England, this is just called “Not complaining in a restaurant.”)
19. Having meals based on what day it is – like Fishy Friday
20. Having a barbecue as soon as the sun comes out
21. Holding the door open for someone when they’re unnecessarily far away so they end up running for the door
22. Wearing shorts and sunglasses the second the sun comes out
23. Respecting our elders
24. Moaning about your commute
25. Saying “right” before you’re about to do something
26. Being tolerant
27. Being squashed on the train by a larger person and pretending you don’t notice when they are half sitting in your seat
28. Shouting “WAHEY” when someone drops a drink in the pub
29. Never letting your emotions get the better of you
30. Putting ketchup on everything
31. Uttering “Aaaah” after taking a first sip of a cold beer
32. Loving to hate the royal family
33. Eating cucumber sandwiches
34. Always clearing your plate at dinnertime
35. Refusing to eat non-Heinz baked beans
36. Being culturally aware
37. Not swearing or using bad language (* Not swearing? Have these British people who answered this survey ever BEEN to Britain?)
38. Respecting LGBT culture
39. Being open with your feelings and emotions
40. Being supportive of immigration
* Nothing about everything over there being bloody? “Bloody” this and “Oh, bloody” that.”
* If you put on a tuxedo and, just as a reflex, say “Bond, James Bond,” and it doesn’t sound goofy, you’re British.
* If you’re Scottish, use this same list only put the f-word in front of each description.
CLIP: “Rule Britannia” music. (It all sounds British, but the recognizable part starts at 1:30)
