Today Is…
Anything special being celebrated or commemorated today? Find out here!
TODAY’S ALMANAC
Birthdays, Upcoming Holidays, This Day in History and Music
TODAY’S TRIVIA
Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three obscure facts.
ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES
MARTHA STEWART’S BURIAL PLANS
Out to pasture.
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
TAYLOR AND TRAVIS SET THE DATE
June 13. Rhode Island. Be there.
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
QUENTIN TARENTINO’S TOP TEN FILMS OF THE PAST 25 YEARS
Yes, what does Quentin think?
AEROSMITH GONE FROM THE ROCK ‘N’ ROLLER COASTER AT DISNEY WORLD
That’s Crazy Amazin’. I’m Cryin’.
CHRIS YOUNG REFUNDS ALL TICKETS AFTER SNOWSTORM SHOW
Early Christmas present.
WICKED III COMING, YOU CAN’T STOP IT
Milk that cash cow, baby.
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
JOKE OF THE DAY
Suggestion: Post the joke on your website. Boost clicks by having listeners call in and tell the Joke of the Day to win a prize.
What happened when they crossed a crab with a cheetah?
Things went sideways fast.
Your momma is so fat…
When the moon is full she turns into a warehouse.
What did the lazy mathematician say to the numbers?
Calc you later.
Why does Santa Claus get so many pop-up ads?
Because he always accepts cookies.
What did Alexander Hamilton say when he was cold?
Burr.
U.S. NEWS
DRONE DROPS CRAB LEGS INTO PRISON YARD
Party ruined.
MAN RIDES DISNEY RIDE 15,000 TIMES
That’s goofy.
MAN ROBS STORE WITH ANTIQUE GUN
Look who thinks they’re Jesse James.
FLORIDA WOMAN ARRESTED FOR ASSAULT WITH CHICKEN
Not like the chicken fights we used to have.
TRANSPORTATION SECRETARY CALLS FOR GYM WORKOUTS BEFORE BOARDING FLIGHTS
Like you don’t get enough steps at the airport.
JUDGE SAYS WOMAN CAN’T CHANGE HER NAME TO “DR”
Well, no duh.
MAN STEALS SAME CAR TWICE
He has a type.
INTERNATIONAL NEWS
JAPANESE MAN CALLS POLICE TO TELL THEM HE’S GOING TO ROB A STORE
Guy puts the “me” in CrimeStoppers.
AIR INDIA FORGOT IT HAD A PLANE
Plane crazy.
CONTAINER SPILL CAUSES BEACH BANANAS
Bananarama.
BRITAIN’S CROWN JEWELS (DISPLAY CASE) ASSAULTED WITH PUDDING
Yellow matter custard.
WORKING TO MAKE DENTIST DRILLS SOUND LESS SCARY
And good luck with that.
THIEF SWALLOWS MINIATURE FABERGE EGG
This guy is hard-boiled.
WOMAN IN COURT FOR GOING WRONG WAY ON AN ESCALATOR
Crime in England is escalating.
FUNNY PICTURES
Right-click on images to
Copy or Save.
Just One
Crash
Never Pitch Your Tent In The Dark
Mondays
And They Were Never Seen Again
School Shoes
THE BUZZ
PEOPLE WHO DON’T RETURN SHOPPING CARTS
Seek help.
WHICH COUNTRY USES THE F-WORD THE MOST?
USA! USA! USA!
CLEVER PET NAMES
No, “Bella” is not clever.
REVENGE
They had it coming.
STUDY: HAPPY MARRIAGE KEEPS YOU SKINNY
Because look at all the skinny married people around you at Walmart.
EYEWITNESS TO A FIRING
Stories from the front lines.
PEOPLE WHO EAT CHILI PEPPERS LIVE LONGER
Chili today, for a better tamale.
WHAT KIDS CALL THINGS
Aren’t they sweet? Get them checked.
TRENDING
NEW MOVIES
Click on name for details and audio clips
EMMA MCKAY
Starts Friday, August 1 in theaters.
DUST BUNNY
Starts Friday, December 12 in theaters.
FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDY’S 2
Starts Friday, December 5 in theaters.
HAMNET
Starts Friday, December 5 in theaters.
Click on the title to go to an mp3 player. To download the mp3, right-click on the player and choose the “Save audio as” option.
A & M AUTOLAND – Disclaimer
Maybe Al and Mike should have split this commercial into three parts, like The Hobbit.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, December 5.
XMAS: LUMINESCENT LANE
Just keep the pace up.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
Funny fake sponsorship announcements
A & M AUTOLAND – 4th of December Sale
Big Al’s new idea for a sale gets a chilly reception.
CHRISTMAS CAROLERS: CRYPTO CRASH
If you’re talking about the crypto market, this is for you.
CHRISTMAS: PERVY SANTA AT THE MALL
Kicking off the Xmas season with a classic!
TURKEY: A SONG FOR THANKSGIVING
Apologies to Pink Floyd.
A & M AUTOLAND – Thanksgiving / Cranberry Sauce
Big Mike serves Big Al some Thanksgiving punch.
THE WEDNESDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Wednesday, November 26.
NED DEEDLER’S BAIT SHOP BLACK FRIDAY SALE
Free box of leeches.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, November 21.
THANKSGIVING – CARL’S HONEYBAKED ROADKILL
It’s randomly delicious.
PROMOS-TO-GO
Pre-produced ready-to-use show bumper donuts
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