A guy goes up to his boss after an ethics training seminar.

One day she came home to find her son-in-law packing a suitcase. He says, “I’m leaving, it’s the end of our marriage. I texted my wife to say I’d be home early, and when I got here I found her in bed with another man.” The mother-in-law said, “No, my daughter would never do that, there must be a simple explanation, I’ll go and talk to her.” After a while, the mother-in-law comes back and says, “There, I told you there was a simple explanation. She never got your text.”

Why wouldn’t the nearsighted vampire buy glasses?

posted March 17

He just couldn’t see himself wearing them.

Guy staggers into a bar.

posted March 16

Bartender says, “You look beat.” Guy says, “I just walked five mile, climbed two trees, waded across a creek, almost stepped on a rattlesnake and outran a bear.” Bartender says, “You must be quite the outdoorsman.” Guy says, “No, I’m just a lousy golfer.”

What happened to the sewer worker?

posted March 12

He died in the line of dooty.

Guy goes into the confession booth.

posted March 11

He says, “Father, I just committed all 7 deadly sins in 30 minutes. I was angry and envious of my neighbor, so I lazily made love to his wife, and then ate all of his groceries. And I didn’t share anything.” Priest says, “You forgot pride.” Guy says, “No, I’m pretty proud of myself for this.”